Numbering my days
It’s been a very hard few weeks. The SIRT recovery is continuing but not without it’s own battles. The exhaustion is extreme and the night sweats and fever are very unpleasant. But I’m getting there. I have been in hospital for the past week with a case of pneumonia. Not an uncommon side effect of the SIRT but enough to put me in a hospital bed for a week. While I was there they found I had fluid in my stomach which is why I have been bloated lately. It has been drained but it indicates a possible significant deterioration in my condition. If my stomach fluid isn’t draining then it means something is blocking the drains. In my case, as a cancer patient, it usually means it’s being blocked by cancer cells.
Which leads me to my updated prognosis…
On Saturday my Oncologist sat down with myself and Rachel and told us I have 3 to 6 months left to live. I’m not responding to any of the drugs available to me anymore. To continue might bring minor results but the painful side effects would far outweigh any curative benefit. Living life is one thing but the quality of that life is important, too.
It was awful. It was like we were right back at Diagnosis Day all over again. I was devastated because it means all my hard work, all my fighting has really been for nothing. We’re nowhere near remission and certainly nowhere near a cure. Heartbreaking.
So Rachel and I spent a lot of time crying and hugging each other and telling each other how much we love the other…. both of us… our hearts shattered again.
So here it is now… my days are numbered. Unless God intervenes and brings a miracle I am going to die. Rachel will become a widow and Cody and Jakob will have no father. I’m in the process now of writing a book for them with photo’s and letters… full of memories and anything I can pass on to them that may be of use as they continue living their lives. Winding up loose ends, financially making sure they are taken care of, etc. I have to do these things. To leave them undone would be irresponsible and unfair on Rachel. It’s going to be hard enough as it is.
Please pray for us, as a family… for me as an individual… for healing, for the miracle.
I haven’t stopped believing.
I never will.
“Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him.” (Job 13:15)