Numbering my days

It’s been a very hard few weeks. The SIRT recovery is continuing but not without it’s own battles. The exhaustion is extreme and the night sweats and fever are very unpleasant. But I’m getting there. I have been in hospital for the past week with a case of pneumonia. Not an uncommon side effect of the SIRT but enough to put me in a hospital bed for a week. While I was there they found I had fluid in my stomach which is why I have been bloated lately. It has been drained but it indicates a possible significant deterioration in my condition. If my stomach fluid isn’t draining then it means something is blocking the drains. In my case, as a cancer patient, it usually means it’s being blocked by cancer cells.

Which leads me to my updated prognosis…

On Saturday my Oncologist sat down with myself and Rachel and told us I have 3 to 6 months left to live. I’m not responding to any of the drugs available to me anymore. To continue might bring minor results but the painful side effects would far outweigh any curative benefit. Living life is one thing but the quality of that life is important, too.

It was awful. It was like we were right back at Diagnosis Day all over again. I was devastated because it means all my hard work, all my fighting has really been for nothing. We’re nowhere near remission and certainly nowhere near a cure. Heartbreaking.

So Rachel and I spent a lot of time crying and hugging each other and telling each other how much we love the other….  both of us… our hearts shattered again.

So here it is now… my days are numbered. Unless God intervenes and brings a miracle I am going to die. Rachel will become a widow and Cody and Jakob will have no father. I’m in the process now of writing a book for them with photo’s and letters… full of memories and anything I can pass on to them that may be of use as they continue living their lives. Winding up loose ends, financially making sure they are taken care of, etc. I have to do these things. To leave them undone would be irresponsible and unfair on Rachel. It’s going to be hard enough as it is.

Please pray for us, as a family… for me as an individual… for healing, for the miracle.

I haven’t stopped believing.

I never will.

“Though He slay me, yet will I hope in Him.” (Job 13:15)

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~ by Kristian Anderson on October 19, 2011.

193 Responses to “Numbering my days”

  1. Kris, my thoughts and prayers are with you, Rachel, Cody and Jakob. Although we’ve never met I’ve followed your fight for a long time and my heart is broken for you. Make the most of the time you have left with your loved ones and know you will always hold a place in people’s hearts. Much love.

  2. You are in the prayers of thousands. They will be strong for you. You do what you need to do. xx

  3. Kristian – this is heartbreaking. I am thinking of Jesus, in the garden of Gethesemanee “not my will but your will”. I pray for God’s will to heal you. The world needs your spirit, your music, your loving presence. Praying…

  4. My heart is all out for you and your family. I’ve just read a wonderful book about a psycho-analysist who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and he is in remission after doing visualisations, meditation, acupuncture. Have you read or looked into orthomolecular medicine ? Large doses of vitamin C, supplements… I’m not sure if this would help and if it’s the road you need to take… My prayers are with you and your family. Stephanie- Canada.

  5. Kristian, I am so sorry to hear this. Our prayers as always are with you and your family, praying always for a miracle, that you can beat the odds. If in the end you can’t then we pray for quality of life for you, Rachael and the boys in the time that you do have.

  6. God is good yet I am so sad to read this. Prayers big time for you and your family. God bless, Kris. Thank you for sharing your journey. Your truth has been healing for me.

  7. Sending you much love.

  8. Kristian – Miracles do happen. You are loved. Rosemary

  9. I am praying as always for you and your precious family. I have a wife and three beautiful children. I cant imagine…. I am learning much from your tireless clinging to the Savior. If you are still clinging…I can keep clinging. Thank you for showing me how. No matter what comes, you are victorious because of your trust in Him.

  10. Heartbroken for you and your family. I will definately still keep praying for you. Praying for that miracle.

    I can only imagine you have already taken lots of video footage of yourself with your boys – have you thought of a little diary to each of them (a video one) that you can talk to them with. I only suggest it because last week i found an old vcr that had lots of video footage of my mum, and it was so good to hear her voice, hear her laughter. When I was facing my battle, I was also thinking of writing letters/cards for different parts of their lives. For example, birthdays, weddings, first babies etc. I guess I thought of that too because I lost my mum when i was 22yo and it was before I met my husband, before I had children. I would have loved something to know what she would be thinking of me when those things happen.

    In regards to your treatment – is there any trials running overseas you may qualify for?

    I know the type of person you are from your writings Kristian, you will really LIVE these days with all gutso. There are people that can be called on to provide things like family photographs, teddybears that talk (build a bear workshops) that you can record your voice on for the kids. I can give ideas of these if you need.

    Of course we are always wondering how you are, but please, don’t feel like you need to update us on your blog. Enjoy every precious moment with Rachel and the boys. They are your inspiration so hold them close.

    I wish you peace and happiness as you enter this phase of your life Kristian. Please know that you have touched my heart and you have changed the world. You really have. Your blog and your story have touched so many. Blessings Kristian

    From Cathy Overlack xxx

  11. My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family. Your wife and boys are lucky to have a men like you by there side,who’s been fighting the fight of his life with alot of strenght. You have touched alot of people and you brought us along on your journey. Take this time to cherish every moment with your littles ones and sending you all the strenght possible to go through this hard time.

  12. Please don not give up. I’m with Stephanie. I haven’t heard you mention any thing about natural approaches. Many Months back I mentioned to you about a friend of mine who was given 2 months to live. Cancer everywhere. So he didn’t do chemo since he was only give 2 months. He found a natural pathic dr back east in the US and was given vitamin c injections, sat in a far infrared sauna every day for one hour at 130 and I think something about almond injections. It’s been 8 years now and he’s cancer free still. Please stay positive. Yes your body probably can’t take any more toxic treatments. Please seek some natural aproaches ASAP. Buy a sauna for your family and yourself. Good investment. We all need to detox! I do everyday! Please email if you’d like. I can ask my friend who he went to if you like. I think she was in New York. I’m thinking if that doesn’t work for you there are good natural pathic Drs there also. Please don’t give up. No one can tell you when it’s time. Praying for you and sending positive thoughts your way.

    • Susan, I am interested in the treatment your friend had for my husband. I heard of “Oasis of Hope” in LA & Mexico where patients are given this type of treatment with great results. Could you please let me know where she received her treatment ? Thanks very very much.

      • Hi, the hospital in Mexico do many multi faceted natural treatments . Look up the website the oasis cantre of hope in Mexico and you can call them and speak to them. God has created many natural foods to heal us and we need to take control of our health and not just use chemo. Look up world without cancer . Goodluck

  13. Sending prayers from the states, I cant imagine the pain. Both Physically and Emotionally. My best friend told me about your story, just heartbreaking. I saw a miracle done with her cancer and I pray daily for yours.

  14. The prayers, hopes and strength of our family in Brisbane will continue to pray for you all. You are an inspiration. Keep up the fight. God Bless you all.

  15. I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me. Phil4:13
    Lord Jesus help this beautiful family,Your peace, Love, comfort surround them.

  16. I believe in miracles and I pray for one for you.

  17. Sometimes words are inadequate. Praying for you all. May you feel His presence with you.

  18. Kris, my heart is breaking for you, Rachel and the boys. I know we haven’t met but through twitter and your blog I feel like I know you. I will continue to pray that you get your miracle. You are such a strong, inspirational man truly one of the good guys and if anyone deserves a true miracle it is you.
    Many people are fighting right alongside of you, you have touched so many people. Cherish this time with Rachel and your gorgeous boys.
    Chris @deansmum
    xo

  19. Ian Gawler was given weeks to live after he was diagnosed woth cancer. That was in 1975. He has since set up the Gawler Foundation in Australia to help others diagnosed with cancer and other serious illnesses to find healing. There might be something in his story that helps you. I hope so. http://www.gawler.org/ians-story/

  20. Words fail me. Been staring into space with disbelief wondering what to say. What can bring comfort?
    You are an inspiration. The cliche ‘praying for you’ has probably been thrown your way meaningfully and regularly, but now is the time for the gloves to come off and the serious intercessory prayer to commence. For you. For Rach. For the boys. For your family. Whatever the outcome. This is war. Hang in there mate.

  21. Your fight has not been for nothing, dear Kristian. It’s been for the time you have spent and will spend with your precious family. I wish you peace like a river.

  22. That’s shit news. So so very sorry for you all. Take care :-(

  23. I believe.

    Praying for strength for you all for whatever lies ahead.

    Much love.

  24. Miracles, they happen whether you believe in them or not.

    An excerpt from “Peace Like a River” by Leif Enger:

    “Real miracles bother people. Lazarus obeying orders and climbing up out of the grave — now there’s a miracle, and you can bet it upset a lot of folks who were standing around at the time. When a person dies, the earth is generally unwilling to cough him back up. A miracle contradicts the will of earth. My sister Swede, who often sees the nub, offered this: People fear miracles because they fear being changed — though ignoring them will change you also.”

  25. Firstly, my family are sending love your way. I can’t begin to imagine what you and Rachel are going through. This is heartbreaking. Having read the above comments I feel compelled to send this link regarding the miraculous recovery of the grandfather of one of my students. Praying for a miracle.

    http://www.3news.co.nz/Living-Proof-Vitamin-C—Miracle-Cure/tabid/371/articleID/171328/Default.aspx

  26. Stay strong Kristian, my husband 45 was in the same boat as you.
    Has had many of the same treatments as you.
    Was told yesterday he is in remission. 16 months ago was given about 3 months to live.
    Miracales do happen!
    He has had chemo, bowel op, sirtec and vitiman c injections, he juices nearly everyday and is very very positive and religious.
    We have 3 small children, and are very lucky, and you will be too.

  27. Kris – there are no words… I never thought this would/could happen.

    We will continue to pray for that miracle though – we will not give up now.

    Please know you are ALL in our thoughts and prayers continually.

  28. Praying for your miracle.

  29. Oh Kristian, I am devastated for you and for your family. Miracles do happen and you have the whole of Australia behind you willing it to happen. You are an inspiration to everyone. xx

  30. Hi Kristian, I am going through a similar situation to you – same disease and my liver looks like swiss cheese, same age, 2 young kids – but I was only diagnosed a few months ago so my path is likely to follow yours in many ways. The doctor might number your days but dont YOU number them! There are so many stories about people who have had their days numbered and gone on for years and years. Why cant that be you? or me? I know how hard it is to stay positive, I have cried for you today. Keep one foot in the ‘realistic’ camp and make your plans for your own peace of mind, but DONT YOU FOR ONE SECOND COUNT THOSE NUMBERS. A positive mind = better health and quality of life. Ramp up the happy pills if you have to! Doctors know statistics, but youre not a number. Youre an awesome person!

  31. Hi Kristan, I am so sorry to hear this. I’ve been following your story for12 months but haven’t posted comments before. Can I just say how privileged I feel to have “known” you and to have shared your journey with you. You have shown incredible strength and honesty every step of the way. I agree that nobody can tell you how long your lifespan will be, but it seems to me that your life has been incredibly rich and well lived. Please focus on you and your family at this time. As much as we all love to share your writing, please don’t feel obligated to do this. Take the time to sing and dance with your boys and Rachel like nobody’s watching. God Bless Kristian xxxxx

  32. Oh Kristian, I really don’t know what to say – except that I’m still praying, as I’m sure others are.

  33. Kristian, I remember you saying in a blog post last year that you were going to hold strong to the promises God had made to you. Whenever I visit your blog, pray for you and even just when I think of you, I always feel a strong sense that God has promised you life. There is purpose in your journey through cancer and God has a perfect plan for you. I’m heartbroken at this news and it brings tears to my eyes as I write you this message, but I still believe God can and will heal you. Stay strong, keep up the fight and hold FIRM to His promises. We are all uplifting you in prayer and we’re faithful to believe for this miracle I know God has planned for you. Much love to you all. “For I know the plans I have for you declares The Lord. Plans to prosper you and NOT TO HARM YOU. Plans to give you hope and a FUTURE” Jeremiah 29:11.

  34. What can you say to that?…

    Thinking of you and praying for you.

    Don’t give up mate

  35. Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven Matthew 18:19

    I am standing in agreement with you. For your TOTAL healing: body, soul and spirit!

    I want to include a some web addresses that contain scriptures to encourage your faith for healing. They’ve been a comfort to me, when I was in the place of needing a miracle and they will comfort and encourage you as well. Read them for yourself, have people read them to you, teach them to your sons as they grow up!

    http://www.savedhealed.com/healing.htm

    http://www.godswill-wellness.com/healing_scriptures.html

    But I also want to say, that I know that you are hurting in ways that are far beyond they physical and GOD knows it too. He’s promised that he will continue to walk with you THROUGH this journey. Psalms 23. ” Through” means just that…..there’s something on the other side of it.

    Now, let me pray for you.

    “Father, in the name of Jesus, I speak healing to Kristian’s body. And I command every cancer cell in his body to shrivel and die, in the name of Jesus. I curse it, just as Jesus cursed the fig tree and I believe that he IS healed. (Mark 11) Father, I believe that in you there is no distance and so I send forth this word of healing ( Mathew 8:8) and believe with Kristin and his family for his healing. (Matthew 18:19) Since you are no respecter of men, you are willing to heal ALL that will come to you. (Mark 1:34) So we come to you today, reminding you of your promise and awaiting the evidence of the things that we have asked for.

    Father I thank you that this sickness is not unto death ( John 11:4) but that it has happened that the SON of GOD might be glorified.

    I ask this, and believe in the power of the NAME of the one who has sent me!
    AMEN”

    AWAITING GOOD NEWS,
    Ginny

  36. Your life has not been in vain. The impact and legacy you leave behind – whether now or in 20 years – is beautiful. You will continue to matter and to make a difference in the lives of so many people – some you will never meet.

    “When you think you’ve hit the bottom
    and the bottom gives way
    and you fall into a darkness
    no words can explain
    and you don’t know how you make it out alive
    Jesus will meet you there.

    When the doctor says, “I’m sorry,
    we don’t know what else to do.”
    and you’re looking at your family
    wondering how they’ll make it through…
    Whatever road this life takes you down,
    Jesus will meet you there.

    He knows the way to wherever you are
    He knows the way to the depths of your heart
    He knows the way cuz he’s already been
    where you’re going
    Jesus will meet you there.

    Whatever valley you must walk through,
    Jesus will meet you there.”

    (Steven Curtis Chapman)

  37. Kristian so sorry to hear your news. I have followed your blog since day one as my husband has the same cancer as you and has been on the same treatments except SIRT. He was diagnosed in August 09 and is at about the same stage as you. He is still having treatment although his CEA is creeping up.He is on Erbitux aswell. He has had about 12 drains to remove the Ascites in his stomach and now has a port in the peritoneuim to drain them out. He has gone downhill in the last couple of months so we now face the sames fears and worries as you. Wishing you all the best and for Rachel to keep strong and for all of us to enjoy what time we have left if our miricale doesn’t come. Would like to know if you feel better off the treatment.
    Sending love and prayers your way

    Gail xxx

  38. So sorry the hear this. Prayings from Sweden. God Bless You!

  39. I feel sick. For all of you. I was so afraid of this. I want so badly for you to get that miracle. For your body to start responding.

    Does this mean that you have stopped treatment?

  40. Kristian…the whole time I have been reading your blog I have been waiting for the fairy tale ending of happily ever after. I am still believing that. I agree with some of the other commentors….it might be wise to look outside the traditional medicine box. Who are we to think that chemicals are the only things that will work. Science is wonderful, but it isn’t everything.

    I do understand your quality vs quantity of life feelings. We are all going to leave one day but most of us don’t have someone putting a calendar date on when we will go. That adds a lot of pressure to you and your body. Allow yourself to grieve the news for a short period then don’t count yourself out. Miracles do happen every day, you need to be open to them.

  41. Dear Kristian, I am deeply sorry… And think that all your srength and determination has already got you time with your wife and children. If you had given up fighting, they wouldn’t have you by now. As always, my prayers are with you and your family. Don’t ever stop believing in miracles.

  42. Kris – so sorry to hear your devastating news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Wishing you strength, courage, hope and faith xxxxx

    You said you’ve been writing a book for Cody and Jakob – not sure if you have heard of Michael McQueen’s Memento: The Gift of a Lifetime book. Here is a link: http://www.mementobook.com/page/the-memento-story/ if you haven’t. I’ve no affliation to Michael except that I heard him speak earlier this year and that’s when I came across the book. Feel free to delete my comment if you’d prefer not to show the link – just trying to help in some very small way in allowing you to capture the true essence of you for your children.

  43. Kristian-I am so sad to hear that your treatments are not working. You are in the hearts and prayers of many, myself included.
    Miracles happen everyday-so glad you have this faith of yours to believe it.

  44. Wow. Praying. Definitely.

  45. Kristian I am so sorry. I’m currently sitting beside my husband in hospital here in Perth writing this. We received similar advice this week. Sometimes the words arent about about staying positive, keeping on fighting, not giving up, finding that mythical alternative treatment, not losing hope etc. Sometimes it’s just about speaking the horrible, terrifying and heartbreaking truth. I have such admiration for the way you have faced this. Sending so much love to you and your family.

  46. Hi Kris I have only just come across your blog after one of my Facebook friends put the link on their page. Immediately my heart was touched. In July last year we buried our 24 year old son Ricky who went to be with Jesus after fighting leukemia. Your positive outlook and honest facing of your time left here reminded me so much of him. He only lived 10 months from diagnosis but he faced every hurdle with so much grace and acceptance. 3 weeks before he died he said to my husband, ‘Dad if I live I have my family and Lucy (his fiancé) if I die I have Jesus, either way I am a winner’. He was conscious till then end when he said ‘Goodnight’ and that’s just what it is. We will see him again in the morning. He believed in a miracle right till the end and we will be praying for that for you also but God’s ways are higher than our ways and His thoughts higher than ours. I feel much for your wife and sons but God is amazing and will pour in comfort to you all at this very precious time. Jenny

  47. Although we have not met I have been following your journey for some time now. You, Rachel and the boys are in my prayers daily and I pray tonight that you are blessed with the healing you so desperately deserve.

  48. I am so sorry – I will continue to pray for that miracle that let’s your children have their father, your wife have her husband, and for you to have peace in your heart. Love from Meme in Ohio

  49. Praying for you, your family and peace.

    In this time, you have had a far reaching effect on so many people…those you love and those you have never met. Wherever this next year’s journey takes you, be it here on earth or in eternal life, please know you are a miracle.

    Through your battle and your living, you have taught Rachel, Cody, Jakob and all of us much about courage, love, strength, tenacity, faith, optimism, acceptance, motivation, and the power of one man.

    I pray you have many years left with your family to teach them and show them even more about life. If your time with them is shorter than we all pray, I know you will fill each moment with the same energy and love you have given to all those moments that have come before. You have shared more than a lifetime’s worth of importance with them already.

    God bless you, Kristian. You are an amazing soul!

  50. My father died of a cancer that originated in his colon when I was 6. Kris your kids are going to be fine. I would love to have grown up with my dad on earth but I tell you what he has been involved in every day of my life. My dad is so there, I can feel his love, I hear his wisdom and advice, our relationship is so close and extremely special. Don’t say goodbye to your boys, tell them to keep talking to you, you are only in the next room. I’ve always had an acute awareness of heaven and God, that’s not a bad thing – it’s why I’ve gone to church most Sundays in my 44 years of living on this earth. Kris your kids are going to be fine actually they are going to thrive because you will be in heaven looking after them…… P.S if you do happen to get there before me please give my darling dad a huge hug and a massive thank you…… :-)

  51. Oh dear Kristian.

    Praying for you and your family.

  52. Didn’t sleep much last night. Thinking of you and your family. I’m hoping you will remain positive and not number your days. Your mind is so powerful it can and will heal you along with some good natural approaches. Start ASAP. I know it’s hard but you must start living laughing dancing and singing. Dont let your mind think negative. You are strong you are getting better starting now and everyday to come. Your days are numbered with happiness and many days to come with your family. STAY POSITIVE and find a Naturalpathic Dr today.

  53. I have been thinking of you and your family…quite a bit. I am so sorry to hear this news. Yet, it warms my heart to hear that you have not given up hope. As we both know, miracles do happen. Although I am sure your oncologist is top notch, he/she is practicing medicine. It is such a grey area. I work as a veterinary technician. I realize this is quite different from what you are going through, but I find that animals tend to have the same illnesses just on a faster level. My dog developed two different types of cancer and went through all different treatments. Because I was in the veterinary field, I had quite a few experimental treatments in my reach. I was finally told by the oncologist that she had only a few weeks left….well…6 years later she was still with me. She passed away at 16 from something completely unrelated. The oncologist could not explain it…no one could. Keep your head up, Kristian. Sending healing prayers.

  54. My heart is breaking for you and your family, Kristian. Prayers and immense amounts of love are coming to you and your family.

  55. The fight is not in vain. It is never in vain.
    Your sons will appreciate every single moment you have chosen to stand. To live for them.
    Your wife will appreciate your preparation and concern for their welfare, your determination to be here.
    Job wondered if all his good life was in vain too. Wondered why such terrible things were happening to him, a righteous man. But the physical is just the surface, and God had so much happening on the inside.
    Live or die, you are a conqueror through Christ who loves you and gave his life for you. God almighty is your creator, your physician, the God who sees and provides for you. He is your rock, your shelter, your peace.
    I know it doesn’t make the present battle any easier or the future look any brighter, but you need to know the powerful witness that your life and your faith are to others. That God is using you powerfully, even in your darkest valley. His ways are not our ways, for sure. But you can stake your life on his great love for you! I join you in asking him for your miracle.
    Amy

  56. Dear Kristian,
    Your birthday video to Rachel brought you into my life and inspired me to make my own video gift to my wife to celebrate our 20 years of marriage. Your very generous, extremely articulate, intimate blog that shares your life’s experiences has explored and exposed more people than you could know, personally and publicly, into greater awareness, compassion, education and inspiration to being a better person, friend and parent simply on earth but specifically toward the fight against cancer. I know I am forever changed because of you. You have reminded me that life is too short to wake up with regrets. You have fallen countless times Kristian and you proudly, with great purpose and faith, get up every single time, an ever hopeful, stronger, tougher, wiser man. None of us know when our time is up, but I believe you have done so much with the time God has given you – an incredible legacy for the love of life for your family and inspiration to all of us lucky enough to have had the chance to share in your life’s journey. With continued prayers to you and yours, peace always.

  57. Words fail me right now. My heart breaks with this devastating news for you and your family. If nothing else is of comfort right now, just know that there is an army of people, all over this world, praying over your situation. We do not know the outcome, but we are called to just believe the God who does…and your faith and transparency in that, even in the midst of overwhelming circumstances is changing our world. You are an absolute inspiration, and no matter how long or short this life is, your family will carry that on. I am honored to be one of your readers. I will continue to pass on your story, and more people will join this already present prayerful army that is fighting this diagnosis with you! God bless you.

    Habakkuk 3:17-19

    -Jessica

  58. Lord Jesus! We have faith in what you have done for us through grace already! We have faith in what you have done for Kristian ALREADY! We know that You are Good…that your Mercies and Loving Kindness endures forever. You have promised to not leave us helpless nor forsake us. I pray that you take this family in Your loving arms and make this more real to them than ever.

  59. I am so terribly sorry to read this Kristian. …I am lost for words. You must be so tired in every way. You are all in my thoughts.

    Lorraine, Ireland

  60. Praying for a miracle, praying for your family, wishing I had more power.

  61. Kristian, we are sending lots of prayers from Canada. We think of you guys every day. Don’t give up. Hugs from Vicki & Cal.

  62. Kristian and Rachel,
    I am one of Oprah’s Ultimate Viewers from the US that were lucky enough to be in the audience when you and Rachel graced the stage. I have followed this blog since that show a year ago, and you and your family have been in my thoughts often. Please do not feel your fight has been in vein. You have done everything you could to remain on earth with those beautiful boys and they will know how much you loved them by how hard you fought, no matter what happens. We will all send our thoughts and prayers, as I have notified the UV’ers through our facebook page. Please keep us posted. I am praying for a miracle and wish you and your family strength to continue to fight. Your love has been so inspiring, and you have made a huge impression on people from around the world. You have made a positive difference in the world by sharing your love and your story!

    Trish Swanson
    Chicago, Illinois

  63. Much love and many prayers, Kris. You have changed lives and inspired thousands. Enjoy this time with them.

  64. I believe in miracles

  65. My prayers are with you and your family. I just want to encourage you. God has not forgotten about. Continue to fully put your trust in God.

  66. I was one of the Americans sitting on the steps of the Opera House, watching you and your wife talk with Oprah. I’ve prayed for your family often and will continue to do so. I wish you strength and miracles and peace. We all do.

  67. Kristian & Rachel,

    Our hearts break to hear this news, we have been praying fervently for a healing miracle for your body and will continue to do so..

    Your blog has touched so many lives the world over, it is a legacy that will continue to touch people’s lives, no matter the outcome of this fight for your life.

    I pray peace and rest over you and Rachel at this time, that God will cover you with his Spirit and perform a miracle!

    Love, Cynthia & Tony Murphy

  68. Kristian, I believe in the power of positive thinking, in survival, in being an example of what it means to live everyday with nothing but pure love in your heart, in rising above negativity. To understand that we are all one and we all have the power to reach out and be a guiding light to others. I know this now because YOU taught me (us).

    Reading your thoughts and words has been very powerful, but more powerful have been your actions Kristian. I continue to grow and learn from your example. Your children and wife have have you in their hearts forever. We have you in our thoughts and prayers. Now its,time for our positivity, light and love to help you.

    So kick it all up a notch Kristian, we are behind you ready to help you overcome this hurdle.

    You have taught us well.

    Much love
    Claudes in Sydney

  69. Kristian, I am heartbroken to hear this news. Be here now & enjoy every moment you have with Rachel and your boys. I know they will carry your spirit with you always. Know that there are so, so many of us praying for peace for you and your family. Have you read or listened to “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch or read “Believe” by Jennifer Silvera? Maybe these will help you and Rachel in some small way. Thank you for sharing your faith with all of us. You are amazing!

    Fondly,
    Alison, NC, USA

  70. Hi Kristian, just want you to know I’m praying for you, Rachel and the boys. Though I’ve never met you, I knew when Rachel shifted to Australia she was going to meet someone amazing (they would have to be, to match Rach!). Not sure what to say really, I just know that reaching out with your soul and accepting the hand that Jesus offers everyone makes your spiritual heart grow huge, the body pales into insignificance in comparison, its such a frail thing. Then magic happens – as it has with you guys already I suspect! Much love to you all.
    Madeline Campbell

  71. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Sending you love and my strongest thoughts.

  72. “And He will raise you up on eagle’s wings,
    Bear you on the breath of dawn,
    Make you to shine like the sun,
    And hold you in the palm of His Hand.
    The snare of the fowler will never capture you,
    And famine will bring you no fear;
    Under His Wings your refuge,
    His faithfulness your shield.”
    ~On Eagle’s Wings

  73. Dearest Kristian, You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers for sometime now. To read the title before reading your post, I was heartbroken knowing what it meant. Miracles do happen and I will continue to pray for you that, not only will your faith bring you through this, you will find peace and strength to get you through each day. With love and prayers to you and yours, Lisa – USA

  74. My prayers are with you and your family.

  75. As I read this my heart is full of love and prayers for you and your family. I will keep on believing right along with you. Sending love from one of Oprah’s Ultimate travelers to Australia. Hugs from Canada

  76. God majors in miracles……

  77. You are in my thoughts and prayers always. There is hardly an hour that passes in a day that you and your family are not on my mind. I am in West Virginia, United States of America and feel as though you are my neighbor. I will continue to pray for you and your family. (((((HUGS))))) to you all.

  78. Praying for you and your family….believing for a miracle, truly.

  79. Kristian i am truely saddened for you… i have always prayed for your miracle and there still is time for that to happen.. as long as you still have a breath of life in you it will happen.. no matter what the outcome of your life is, nothing and I mean nothing is for nothing… you have had a wonderful wife by your side and 2 beautiful children… That is truly what life is about… no matter if we die young or old it is sad when someone leaves us.. I still will pray for you and your family…Miracle Miracle Miracle… Peace be with you in your troubled times… Sheldon from Canada :)

  80. Hey little Cuz. I’m not holyer then thor but look I know God ain’t gonna let my little prayer go un- heard I haven’t meet my beautiful family Down under like everyone else but you got a special delivery prayer to God from me ‘ hey the only being can tell you you are going anywhere is the man up stair’s so you keep that beautiful smile on your face , and think good thought , we are going to make his pray line , like a telephone line very,very, busy so you will have our prayers from the states !!!!!!!!!!!!!” love you all , your Family and especially me. Glenn BKA Sonny !”

  81. I am heartbroken. Please know you have changed my life and so many lives around the world. Please know I am sending peace and love to you and your family.

  82. Praying for you and your family. Breathing for you, brother.

  83. Life is not fair…I wish for nothing else but for you to get your miracle.

  84. I have read your blog for the past two years and am so thankful for the gift you have given us – a glimpse into your radiant life. I have never posted before because I never felt like I had the right to do so…however I had to today. My heart breaks for you and your family and I wish I had the power to ease your pain. You will stay in my prayers and God Bless.

  85. Hi, I’m another one of the “you don’t know me but I saw your video on you tube” blog followers. We’ve just past the 2 year anniversary of one of our dear friends passing away from colon cancer. I’ve prayed for you and sent lots of love your way, I’ve been so encouraged by your blogs and the way you’ve shared your journey. I’ve found it healing as I’ve grieved for our friend. I wanted to encourage you that dying well is as important as living well. Our friend fought to the end, so much so that no one got to say good bye or share how much he meant to us, we just had to keep going. We feel such a sense of unfinished loss. The memories you leave with your boys in this blog and in your book for them, the stories your friends and family will share about you are so important. I know you’ll be ok – heaven is going to be great and I’m praying for you as you get ready and for your precious family who will have to wait a bit to see you again. With much love Helen

  86. Hi Kristian. I just came across your blogg through a post on Sussanna Fletcher Stretton’s facebook page. I’ve been praying for you since I found out you were ill approx 15 months ago. Finding this now is so timely, as with all things in God. Your writing is a wonderful blessing and inspiration for all experiencing hardship, and as Christians, who isn’t? Now I can follow your journey and stand with you in prayer right where you’re at. Oh how marvelous a thing is God’s gift of bringing His greatness out in us through “life” – even when it really sucks, especially when it really sucks. Fight on soldier! The heavenly ranks are with you. N.

  87. My heart aches to read this. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers! My God continue to bless you!! Take care!!

  88. Praying for you & your family. I know you will continue to live big. Miracles do happen. Hugs to all of you.

  89. Your efforts have been FOR SOMETHING, for many things. You’ve shown your family how much you love them by fighting, you’ve taught us all to, not only keep trying, but to keep believing. You’ve put a mark on the world of great value. You are a brave, precious Soul and I am thankful to know you through your writings. I will continue to look forward to them, for your words are miracles in themselves, miracles I believe in…

  90. You are the strongest man I have never met. Dont give up faith in miracles. Your sons will read these letters someday and will be so proud of you. They are so lucky to have you for a dad. Squeeze them and never let go.

  91. You and your family are in our prayers and thoughts wishing you much love. Hoping for a miracle.

  92. I have followed your story ever since I saw you and your wife on Oprah and saw the amazing video you made for your wife. It was so inspiring to see the love you have for your wife and family. I can’t imagine what you have gone through. I wish you time with your family and I will keep praying for your miracle. I saw a miracle happen in my family this summer and so I know it is possible. Thank you for sharing your brave story with all of us.

  93. Dear Kristian,
    I don’t know if you’ll read this or not, I’m sure you’re spending as much time as possible with your family. I wanted to tell you that even though we are strangers, my heart broke when I read this. I cried because I feel I’ve walked this journey with you, through your blog, which is honest, raw, and insightful. When I finish reading your posts I’m a better person from doing so. I’m a better/a more enriched person for simply reading your words. Thank you so much. I will pray for you AND your family, whether you are here on earth or watching over them. You are good, and even though I don’t know you I love you. These words are not enough to tell you what your story of “how the light gets in” has meant. I haven’t lost hope either. A Christmas Miracle is the best kind.
    Prayers and love forever,
    Shannon

  94. I remember you didnt want any advice from anyone without medical qualifications and are sick of advice from”crackpots’ but please dont percieve me as one.
    I am just gutted about your news.In desperation I want to help you if I can but I dont want to upset you in any way.
    Please disregard or dispose of this email if it,or the info on the link ,offends you at all in any way.
    Its a link to Dr Hulda Clarks work on Cancer
    http://www.drclark.net/en/drclark_protocol/cancer/advanced_cancer.php
    It’s a 21day protocol.The products are available in NSW.
    Kristian and Rachel, I wish you a miracle.
    Praying for you.

  95. Kristian, In your post you said “all this was done for nothing” and I wanted you to know that it not for nothing. God has watched you and loved you through your sickness, smiled at your steadfast faith. You have touched many strangers through the sharing of your faith during these difficult (to say the least) times. I will continue to pray for a miracle to happen with your health, that you will be healed in the name of Jesus!

  96. Kristian, you have not done this for nothing. You have provided an example of strength and love that will live in all who have crossed your path. No words will ease your pain, so I will continue to hold you and your family in my heart in joy and healing prayer.

  97. Kristian, i’ve been following your blog for a long time now… i have my own personal challenges, nowhere near yours but please know the time you’ve clawed back despite the odds has not been in vein… you’ve bought hundreds more happy days with your family – all of which they will cherish forever and you have inspired thousands of people, myself among them. I hope that you find acceptance and can enjoy the coming weeks with your family. You will be in my prayers – a faith that i have rediscovered since following your journey. I’ve not felt compelled to add a comment until this moment – but i would hate for you to never know how much inspiration you have brought to your followers

  98. I can’t imagine how you and your family feel. You have touched so many people – people like me who haven’t met you but think of you and your family often. I hope and pray that regardless of what you have been told, that you will be OK.

  99. Oh, Kristian… My heart goes out to you and your wife and sons.

    But please don’t believe your fight has been in vain, that the fight was all for nothing. You’ve taught so many people (including me) so much – perseverance, love, devotion, patience, strength. You’re setting an amazing example to your boys, and your love to them will never be lost.

    This is a blog I discovered after I watched the video you make for your wife:

    http://www.penmachine.com/

    The writer has since passed away, but he gives a very interesting perspective on the dying process. I hope it might bring you some peace and thoughts for the coming months.

    I’ll continue to follow your journey. I’m not a religious person, so all I can offer are my thoughts of support and calm and peace as you face this difficult time…

  100. Kristian. We have never met but I’ve followed your story since watching on Oprah. I was inspired an in awe of you and your family. There are no words for this, but know you are truly loved and respected throughout the world…praying for you and your family.

    Holly Wilson
    Ontario, Canada

  101. Kristian this is the time to keep the faith. Take care of house keeping matters and then refocus.

    It makes me angry to have read that your doctors pointed the bone at you, as we say here in Australia. It’s a guesstimate at best and based on what? Statistics? However you are not a stat! Your mind body and spirit are unique…..remember this. The chemical physiology of the body and the nutritional balance which influences it, changes daily. Given this, they cannot know and they do not and cannot say with any certainty, what the outcome will be. someone very close to me was given the same prognosis and they were wrong….she was alive to tell them so, years later.

    I can tell you countless stories where the best in medicine got it wrong ….and it happens more often than most people know.

    Your body isn’t responding to current treatments may only mean that its trying to redirect you to try something else.. There are many stories of pwc who have been where you are now and reclaimed health.

    Do not give up or give in. Tell mainstream medicine…thank you very much and suggest they stick that bone they pointed at you, where the sun don’t shine. Reclaim your power and drive it towards claiming your health. Investigate the following if you have not done so: High dose IV Vit therapy….especially Vit C.

    The Australian College of Nutritional and Environmental Medicine published an article in their Journal in June by Prof Ian Brighthope that outlines how high dose of Vit C given by IV is regarded in medicine (given at such amounts and via this method) as a therapeutic *drug not a mere vitamin…that has cured many ailments including cancers and its benefits are reported in thousands of peer reviewed scientific journals. In this article he also details how it operates in the body/theraputic benefits as scientifically reported and why it is so powerful and effective. Prof Brighthope states that there are major myths in the medical profession regarding this treatment which must be debunked in light of the weight of evidence. I encourage you to get a copy of the article from the ACNEM website as it also details the case of a NZ King Country diary farmer who had leukemia and contracted swine flu and pneumonia and was admitted to the IC ward of a NZ hospital on life support. The hospital were going to turn off his life support machine when the family insisted that they give him 100gm of Vit C via IV. He responded,came off life support, and his kidneys (damaged from the drugs given to him during this ordeal) recovered 100%. rehab from this event was anticipated at around 3 mths but I read that this gentleman recovered in 3 weeks. His name is Allan Smith and he is alive and well and cancer free. His story aired in a 60 Minutes program in August 2010 which promoted the benefits of high dose Vit C therapy.

    If you are interested in investigating treatment in the Melbourne IV clinics or a counterpart in Sydney drop me a line….I’m happy to help.

    As others have mentioned there is also the Gawler Foundation, juicing, Gerson therapy, Col Joe/Francis Hart Oxalic Acid therapy and many more….with documented cases of persons who successfully beat cancer, including those who mainstream medicine could not or no longer help.

    Dont loose heart Kristen ….God may have closed a door but he never does so without opening a window. You have solid successful alternative options to investigate and reclaim health. This is just a new leg of the journey your currently on.

    Keep the faith.

    I will keep you in my prayers.

    • Kristian,did you ever hear that story of that christian man that was drowning out at sea and along came 2 ships at different times and the captains said grab the life ring and the christian said,” I will be fine ,God will save me ” then along came a helicopter and the rescuer said grab hold of the rope and the christian said “I will be fine ,God will save me”
      The man stayed in the water and kept praying.”Please God help me”

      Soon the man gets to heaven and he confonts God with this question “Why didnt you save me?”
      God said ‘What do you mean,I sent you two ships and a helicoptor”

      I believe that God will use any and many ways to send help and sometimes we just cant see it at the time of trauma.
      I hope you find your miracle soon but please dont just limit yourself to mainstream medicine.
      We all love you and your family and wish that miracle comes soon but we arent limiting ouselves that it will only come from doctors in mainstream medicine.
      Your miracle may have been already sent and it is just in a different wrapping (alternate medicine) than you expected.

      I agree with M and hope you will consider investigating other alternate measures like those mentioned above, or just read Dr Hulda Clark’s herbal parasite protocol esp the newer info about Co q10
      http://www.drclark.net/en/products_devices/vitamins/coenzyme.php

      http://www.wellbeingmarketplace.com/contents/en-us/d1_parasite_cleanse.html

      Still praying for you Kristian that you will be led to your miracle very ,very soon because I will not give up on you getting well and I dont believe that any doctor can tell you how long you have to live.
      That is sacred between you and God and if you still have a desire to live and explore every option available to you, then I dont believe that your life force will leave your body.

    • PS:

      Krisitian I just wanted to let you know that the IV clinics in Melbourne are not run by crackpots. They are run and staffed by mainstream medical practitioners, who are also members of ACNEM.

      One GP at one of the clinics has 25 years experience with this and treating cancer patients. I was told by another GP he is the most exprienced doctor in the country regarding this method of treatment. The other clinic in Melbourne also has GPs with many years of experience in this field, in addition to two Professors of medicine on staff, one of whom is very well known and respected across Australia.

  102. Kristian, I have been following your story since your video for Rachel went viral and I’m so saddened to hear the latest. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. And I will continue to believe with you. My best friend Tony suffered from leukemia and until the moment he took his last breath, I put every ounce of energy I had into the belief that he would survive and I will do the same for you. All my best to you.

  103. Dear Kristian, in these postings, I see the hand of God. Truly. He is with you, and in you. YOU have let your light shine, literally to all the corners of the Earth – and the world is enriched. Wishing you stregth and courage and peace. We are all praying – and I Believe all things are possible. with hope and faith – Joanne, IL, USA

  104. Oh Kristian, my heart is broken for you and your family. I pray for you everyday that God will make you well…I will continue to do so. You have touched so many lives around the world.

  105. WE LOVE YOU!!

  106. I felt so sad while reading this latest post. My heart aches for you and your family. You are an amazing individual and your fighting spirit has been a strength for many people.
    Stay strong.
    x jo

  107. Dear Kristian, I am so brokenhearted for you, Rachel, Cody and Jakob. May the Lord see you through whatever He has planned for you. Please know that I have been privileged to “know” you through your blog. Whatever happens in the future, I will see you, Rachel and the boys in Heaven. We will all be friends in Heaven with our Lord Jesus Christ at the helm. May God continue to be with you and comfort you and your family. Love in Christ from Sheryl in TX.

  108. Still praying…..still believing!

    Lisa in Alabama

  109. Kristian, I’m so sorry to hear your news. I’ve been reading your blog since I first heard your story on O. I cried that first day when I watched the video you made for Rachel, and my heart is crying for your whole family tonight. Your story is so remarkable and inspiring. You have taken us on the journey with you, and we want a happy ending!!! I will keep hoping for things to turn around for you and your miracle will come. Your boys may not understand now, they are too young; but someday they will know your story, and will be so proud to be your sons. My best wishes to your beautiful Rachel. Sending you best wishes from California….thank you.

  110. Your fight has not been in vain, not now, not ever! You are coragious and strong and have shared such a difficult part of your life with so many. We are all blessed by you!

    My prayers continue to be with you and your family – in a very big way!

  111. I am so sorry Kristian: I hope all the rest of your days are filled with love, happiness, laughter, hugs, kisses and above all grace and courage. You are an amazing man, husband and father who is loved by so many. I will never forget you and how hard you fought for your family, that is true love. Thank you…….

    Monique from Vancouver Island, Canada

  112. Don’t you dare give up! You’ve come too far

  113. I am so, so sorry.

  114. Hi Kristian, I’ve never met you but have been praying for you and your family since stumbling upon your blog some time back. I am so sorry to hear your latest news. Perhaps more than most I can relate to what your family is going through, or at least to what your wife is experiencing. You see my husband battled cancer for several years, but finally lost the fight earlier this year (we have youngish children too). I say this NOT to discourage you, as I continue to pray for a miracle. But while you definitely don’t want to give up, I think you are wise to prepare for what may lie ahead. I say this because we were only told finally a time frame when it was down to weeks, and so everything happened so fast. There is so much I wish I’d said, and I’m sure vice versa (my husband was too weak by that point to speak much at all); not to mention things to discuss. I hope I haven’t upset you by my comment; that is not my intention. Continuing to pray

  115. Big hugs coming from me and my 3 boys.

    Miracles happen each day hopefully there is one for you.

    We are all here on the blog 1000s of us sending you as much love and support as we can for as long as you need us

  116. I have no words. You and your family will be in my prayers. You are an amazing husband and father. Please try to understand the hope you give others. Much Love♥

  117. So devastated to read this news. I have been cheering you on from the sidelines from the moment I heard your story and I will continue to do so. Keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers.

  118. Kristian.. Your Strength in God is amazing! And He loves u for it! I’ve only just seen your blog and am truly sorry for this new news!! U have and God will continue to put on a good fight for the days to come. I love u lots and I’ll be back home to hug u soon xoxoxoxoxox

  119. Praying. And crying. With you.

    And so, so sorry. And so grateful for the light you’ve let into my life. I know what it is to hope, and to lose, but I also know that God is here in the storm. The anchor holds.

  120. Kris this was hard to read but I know so much harder for you and your family. I have wonderful memories of growing up with you as part of our church, and know the book you are making for your boys will be so precious. That said, mike and I stand and believe with you for a miricle. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

  121. My heart is breaking for you, Rachel and the boys. My thoughts and prayers are with all of you.

  122. Hi Kristian ;
    I have followed your story for long time,but I never make a comment.
    I got same cancer as you,but my one is stage 3.
    I know you do not like unquarlified person to give you advise,but today I have to stay to you two things 1 try chinese heabel ( see chinatown heablist opported citi bank ) 2 you have to exercise chinese guoling quigong ( in the park near epping station person there will teach you Monday and Friday you pay $2 each time )
    I am taking chinese heab everyday after chemo ( July 2010 ). the chinese lady who is ex-NSW MP six years ago got bowel cancer ,she took chinese heab for 3 years. she is still ok now.
    I wish you would read this message , give me a buz if i would help you. 0431 400 113

  123. In the park near epping station, the leader’wife got same cancer like you the doctor told her 3 or 6 month for the life, now she is ok. You should go there asking her how she did.
    heablist opported citi bank is the doctor seeing ex-NSW MP for three years.
    I think you should try these things never give up.

  124. I don’t have the right words. I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning – it’s raw honesty and emotion have been such gifts that I feel inspired to reciprocate. I probably can’t save the jungle or build orphanages, but I can do something tiny every day to help make the world a better place. Friday morning, on my way to work, I handed bananas to each homeless person I encountered, saying that it was “from a guy in Australia who’s having some trouble.” Nobody seemed puzzled by that – just responded with “Dude Rocks!” or “Tell him he made my day!” or “Matey!” Everywhere I look I see opportunities to “make someone’s day” and as a way to honor your struggle I will no longer turn my back on those opportunities.

    Treasure every moment – really, that’s all any of us can do.

    Anne in Austin

  125. I am so sad and upset that you and your family have to face this news. I need you to know, though, that when you say it’s been all for nothing, you need to realize that you have been the voice of strength for so many of us.

    I was still grieving the death of my grandfather when I found your site…my husband and sons and I had a small house fire at 1 in the morning last Oct and after all the upset and the firemen had left, I randomly found your site while I was searching the internet, trying to calm down. Your site was a small miracle to me.

    Now, since May, my dad has been battling stage 4 lung cancer. He refuses, like you, to just stop trying to live; he is a fighter like you, so brave. He has not been able to leave the hospital to come home since then, what with many complications. Every time he started to see a way to come home, something else bad happened. He has a colostomy, tracheostomy, ventilator, and chest tube along with his normal epilepsy. His oncologist has told me now that he has 3 months to live and that the cancer is now in his liver. He cannot restart chemo because of all of the health complications. He doesn’t know the time limit; we will not tell him because he keeps fighting back death no matter how many close calls he has had.

    You inspire me and help me to keep going with my dad’s suffering and with my faith. I know you need to be there for your wife and your sons, and I’m not trying to downplay any of your upset. I just want you to know that you have done so much for me and that I am forever grateful. God will stay with you. I want so much for your miracle. I do not have the gift of conveying to you how deeply what you have shared with the world and therefore with me, has made the world better. I can never thank you enough for telling the truth about your journey. I care so much for you and for your family. I cry for what you are all going through. Please know that I send so much love and all the wishes for a miracle. Love, Mary K. from New Jersey

  126. …I don’t know what to say. This is the first time I have commented. A few months ago my 32 year old brother was diagnosed with cancer and I was gently nudged by a friend here in Canada to take a look at “this guy’s blog”. I’m a believer and all I can say is that your words…your use of scripture and your faith have touched me at a time when I have been at my lowest. Like you my brother is a father of young babes. But unlike you he has no faith. I was so heartbroken to see this post. I know that God has given my brother some miraculous treatment and has *hopefully* cured my brother long term. And I know that He can do the same for you. I just want you to know that Christians from around the world are praying for you and your family. I truly am hoping and praying for a miracle for you all.

    One extra note…I just read the small book “Heaven is for Real”. It was a beautiful book and I don’t know if it would be helpful or hard to read but it was a major help to me.

  127. please let him live god. please. im begging you. he has a wife and children and i big, loving heart. he is a good person and deserves better. please, please, anything but death.

  128. Gut wrenching news, precious boy….continue in your faithfulness to the Lord – He is your strength and salvation. I pray for you and your darling family. Keep on fighting …. perhaps the ammo will change, but the war on your cancer continues…..
    the grandma from NC with non hodgkins lymphoma……

  129. You have fought a tough battle and you are courageous in your fight. Your sons will know how hard their daddy fought just by reading all you have wrote here. You are an inspiration to everyone that reads your blog. Although most don’t know you- you give us strength to fight whatever battle we are going through. May your days be bright and your pain be none. Know that there are many people all over this world that are praying for you and your health. God bless your wife for being strong and sticking by your side. What an inspirations she is to me and all the wives out there.May God richly bless your family.

  130. heart is breaking. i can’t find the words right now. my love is with you and i’ll continue to check in – hoping to see a change for the better. no one deserves it more than you.

  131. My heart is breaking for you and your family. For a split second I was happy to see that you had an update and devastated for you in the next moment.

    I was so touched by your birthday video to Rachel and have read every word since.

    I am hoping there is a miracle for you. Your brightness will not dim.

  132. Hi Kristian,
    Really sorry to read your post
    You may think that all the fighting was for nothing but your wife, your kids and your family and friends appreciate every single day they have with you, I lost my dad earlier this year after a 6 month battle with pancreatic cancer, every single day from the day he was told the news , he rang my sister and I , told us he loved us and that he was doing just fine, we talked , we listened, we laughed and despite him asking us not to we cried But I am thankful we got that last 6 months ,I really am

    One of my dads sayings was ” You can’t change the cards your dealt only how you play the hand” ,

    you take care of your family, and you take care of yourself

  133. Lord help me
    to remember,
    that nothing
    is going to happen
    to me today,
    that you and I
    together, can’t handle.

    God bless you and your family.

  134. Kristian – I dont know what to say. I only found your blog a few weeks ago but I’ve read every post. {some more than once} I feel touched that you are sharing souch a personal journey – with all its ups and downs. There are storeis that made bought a tear of joy to my eye – Al {was that his name} in the USA..such kindness in the human spirit and those very sad ones…very very sad ones like this post that make m hug my hubby and my girls just that little bit tighter, just that little bit longer. I also felt sad that you feel your death would be in vain {or did I read that wrong – that you thought the treatments were in vain?}

    anyways…I just wanted to say {cos best I can tell it hasnt been said in these comments} that it wont be in vain. you were indeed a very loud voice in campaigning to get the Cancer drugs listed on the PBS…and for that I’m sure for many years to come families will be offering thanks for….and their children no doubt will too. While I’m an “each to their own” when religion comes up I’m sure that your story has inspired faith within others that has been quiet for a long time. And to just read everyones comments from around the world. To feel the love and force of belief in prayer for you is amazing….

    And your beautiful family. Your love and devotion to them is inspiring.

    They know you love them.

    I hope to be reading many more posts from you in the years to come xx

    Will be thinking of you xx

  135. You are an inspiration Kristian and everything you have done has been worth it…… for your family, your friends and the myriad of people out there following you that have been helped by your courage, myself included.

    Please don’t give up, you ALWAYS have hope.

    I have the same cancer as you, Stage 4 with mets to liver and lungs, 38years old. I am on conventional treatment out of RNSH in Sydney and complement that with meditation, cancer healing diet, juicing, exercise, targeted supplements (targeted by circulating tumour cell analysis) and SPDT in China. We recently attended the Life and Living course near Melbourne run by Ian Gawler and have adopted those principles which are excellent. I highly recommend this

    http://www.gawler.org/residential-cancer-ms/

    I know you have no doubt had a million offers of various information but I feel compelled to let you know about SPDT (Sonodynamic and Photodynamic Therapy) which has given some remarkable results for early and late stage cancers. My wife and I went to China in July for 2 weeks to try this treatment out and to see how professional the hospital and staff are and whether it is just another ‘silver bullet’. We were extremely impressed with the facility, knowledge, experience and care of the staff there. We intend to return to China for the full 3 month treatment soon. I strongly urge you to check this out. There were many Australians and New Zealanders and some Americans there when we went as it is not offered in many places in the world.

    http://www.opalclinic.com/PDTSDT.htm
    http://opalclinic.com/

    Some blogs of other young people that have been treated there

    http://triciaspence.com/china-cancer-treatment/
    (has contact emails and phone numbers to contact to China hospital)

    http://shirashaiman.wordpress.com/category/china-sonophotodynamic-therapy/

    You are in our thoughts Kristian and know that you have to capacity within you to face this latest hurdle with the same courage you have shown all through this journey.

    Hold on to your faith.

    Murray (Hunter Valley, NSW)

  136. Kris, maybe you remember me, I was there for your implant. I have been following your blog since I met you, and so am distressed to read the latest. My heart goes out to you and your family Kristian

  137. Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see (Hebrew 11:1)
    Have faith… and be strong no matter what.

  138. I am praying for you and your family.

  139. You are in my thoughts and prayers – hang tough Kristian !!

  140. Kristian I am weeping for you and your family, I have been in tears reading your blog posts, have been re-watching the videos you have made, they are simply beautiful. You are such an inspiration, a man of strength, bravery and amazing talent, I love the way you write with such honesty and just being “real” about life. You have touched so many lives, including mine. Dont give up. We are all praying for a miracle. I have never met you but know Rachel from sports camps and Papatoetoe Baptist from years ago. I have been following your blog and check for updates often. I am praying for you and your family. I have been in tears thinking about you and your family today. My heart goes out to you all. Stay strong Kristian, there is always hope in Jesus x

  141. I can’t begin to imagine the heartache and grief you and your family have experienced, let alone bracing yourselves and having the courage to contemplate the possibility of leaving your family before you had hoped…..you and Rachel are an inspiration to us all…all your hard work hasn’t been wasted..you probably don’t realise how many peoples’ lives you’ve bettered…I send my prayers to you and your beautiful family

  142. Hi Kristian.

    Was thinking about you tonight and I remembered a song I listened to whilst going through my chemo. It really did help me and I hope it might help you.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lydBPm2KRaU Its “Jesus Take the Wheel” by Carrie Underwood. Beautiful song and so true, sometimes we just have to give in to him totally and he will take over and do what needs to be done for us.

    Hoping for better days for you. Thinking of you daily and sending my love and prayers. xxxxx

    Cathy Overlack

  143. Your strength and resilience for not only yourself but for others is one of the most inspiring things I have seen. My heart breaks at your latest news and i will continue to uphold you and your family in prayer. Your battle has not been for nothing, think of all that extra time you got with your friends and family for fighting the painful battle you do, I know they’ll remember it always and it will bring them smiles, tears and comfort but most of all they will know just how much you love them because of your fight.

  144. Dear Kristian
    You don’t know me at all but I am a fellow Christian sister who has been following your journey since seeing you on Oprah. My heart breaks for you and your precious family – my prayer is that you will all rest in the strong, strong arms of our great Heavenly Father who gave His Son for you all and loves you more than you can imagine. I wanted to share with you something I found in a newsagency the other day – the most beautiful idea – they are story books that you can record yourself reading – as your boys read the story and turn the pages – they will hear you reading the story to them. I immediately thought of you and your boys – how difficult it will be to record the story but how immensely precious it will be for each of them to have their own story recorded and read to them by their daddy. It was in a newsagency in Miranda down South but I am certain you’d be able to find one somewhere else too. Of course – you may already have done it but thought I’d share it with you in case it was something you hadn’t seen. My prayers are with you and Rachel over these next few months …. how my heart yearns for Jesus to return and this fallen world to become the New Creation ….. with a heavy heart ….. Karyn

  145. My prayers for you and your family continue with even more intensity. These words I write seem so meager and inept under the circumstances but I just have no words. Love to you and your family.

  146. Kristian, God bless you! I am praying for you~I know God heals~Keep believing please…power in prayer!

  147. Hi Kristian and Rachel, and the boys
    I have not written since you sent the post. I was shattered for you all. I have been trying so hard to try and focus on the light for you, and to pray that a miracle will happen. And then a thought illuminated in my head. It’s no comfort in the actual desperate situation, that you are having to face head on. But I hope it will bring you some comfort. What a fight you have faught, what a life you have managed to lead in days when so many would have just done nothing but give up. You are the epitome of that saying we all bandy about …. you cant choose the cards you are dealt, but you can choose how to play them …. you have played the best round ever Kristian. The reality is you might not “win”. But you have been a man who has really done and said more than most will do in a lifetime. I can’t understand why it is that you have to suffer like this, and why you have had to endure all of this, but wow. Thank you for making us all part of your journey. Blessings and healing, if not on the body, then on your spirit and those of all your friends and family. We continue to pray for you. And no matter what, you will be remembered forever. Not many people achieve that x you have, no matter what.
    Much love
    sonia xxx

  148. Whatever the outcome for you, Kristian, God will still look after your Family. Do not Fear!

  149. You and your family are in my thoughts and my prayers. <3

  150. I am deeply upset to have read this Kristian. You and your family are in my thoughts.

  151. Kristian I feel like you have become a friend, I have followed your journey through your blogs for over a year now. I am praying for you and having faith for you and was crying for you when I read this.

    But your faith is immense, and you know what they say even the tiniest amount can do…

    Psalm 46:10
    Whatever happens, it’s part of the plan. You have totally been used by God. Look at all the lives you have touched!!

    Bless you and your young family x

  152. Kristian we will continue to pray for you, Rachel and your beautiful children

  153. Once there is life there is hope. Please, finish that book: i look forward to it.

  154. You are such an amazing person and it is a privilege to have reconnected with you via your blog after all of these years. Your boys are so blessed to have such a loving father. I will continue to pray for healing and that you and Rachel feel God’s strong supportive hand.

  155. Yes, longevity with our lived ones would be nice, but how many of us can really guarantee that we will live to see that, healthy or not? our days are all numbered, it’s how you use them to the fullest that will be your legacy. I have no doubt that your family are proud of your fight, your testimony has been heard loud and clear, your strength will carry your loved ones longer than you could ever imagine. Fear not, for He is with you. And your family too. No one knows when our last days will be, not even our doctors, the point is just make every day count. May your days be filled with comfort and hope, don’t worry, your loved ones are in good hands, that, you should know as you’ve had first hand experience. Life, regardless of its length, is something we should all treasure with every breath. God bless you and your loved ones, prayers will not stop, may His will be done.

  156. Kristian, you don’t know me the slightest. You probably never will. Yet, for a few months now, your blogs have had a profound effect on my life. I can barely imagine what you mean to those around you. God bless you.

  157. Kristian, still praying for you out here~prayers for miracles your way:)
    God bless!!

    Sandra from Canada

  158. Kristian, as I sit here typing this message tears flow down my face. You are an amazing man, an inspiration to many. You say to your wife and children “I wish I could show you how much I love you” Never have any doubt that they don’t know how much you love them. You have fought long and hard, and you know in the end it’s left in God’s hands. Rest my friend, find peace in knowing that God’s will be done, and your time on earth was never in vain. I will continue to pray for your miracle, and if the miracle that we pray for is not answered, then we will know that the miracle was not a cure instead it was the inspiration that you’ve given to all of us, and to the legacy you leave for your children. As a mother to a son that battled and lost his fight with cancer (at the young age of 16) my heart hurts for Rachel because although I cannot fathom losing my life long partner, I know the pain, the strength, and the faith you feel when it’s time to leave it in God’s hands. My prayers are for all of you, for strength, for healing, and for trust.
    Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. God be with you and your family. Loving hugs from Wayne Michigan

  159. Kristian and Rachel – I just re-watched you on OPRAH a few moments ago from my house in Chicago and looked for you online. I have two resources to share with you. I have experienced my own miracles and know the fine line we walk between planning for the worst and working for the best. Has anyone ever suggested a Live (Raw) vegetarian diet with wheatgrass juice? If you haven’t, check out THE GERSON THERAPY, THE OPTIMUM HEALTH INSTITUTE OF SAN DIEGO, CA or AUSTIN, TX USA. I’ve heard and seen miracles, especially with digestive cancers. Either this is the beginning ot the end of this journey for you and you will make it as beautiful as possible for your family, or medicine’s dead end is your new beginning. You are a beautiful family, full of love that I can feel on the other side of the world. I don’t know what resources are in Australia, but I know of others here. Be not discouraged, not yet. Please stay open to a miracle. All the very best to you and your adorable boys. Barbara

  160. Its never over till its over, God can do anything.

  161. Impossibly sad Kris.

  162. Kris…… I’ve spent several hours digesting this, struggling to find the words to write.
    I awoke at 3.30 this morning, and for some reason your name randomly came into my head.
    I haven’t been online much the past few weeks, and as my brain started to sleepily kick in and I pondered why your name would be the first thing I thought of, I realized I hadn’t caught up on any updates since your last SIRT treatment. I reached for my phone next to the bed, and brought up your blog…. just reading the title of this post made me cry.
    I lay in bed and slowly read your update…. I crawled out of bed, went and sat on the deck in the darkness and I prayed. I prayed so hard for you, and Rach and the boys.

    You told me when I first emailed you last year, telling you of my husband Rob’s diagnosis at age 38 with the exact same disease, the same mets, that you were soldiers in this, fighting a war you never wanted to fight, but head down going into battle.
    Your updates and amazing attitude gave me an insight into what my husband was facing and going through on such a personal level, when at times he was too scared to share things with me, you helped me to understand and feel a little less lost in all of this. I want to wrap my arms around you and hug you, because I can never thank you enough for that. YOU helped ME – whilst going through your own private torture – to understand my husband’s pain.
    You helped me rediscover my faith, at the very time I was questioning it.
    Your bravery and determination to fight no matter what has inspired so many of us in so many ways; that incredible attitude I know deep down can’t be quashed just by hearing the words you never wanted to hear.
    I know you will keep fighting, even though you are tired.
    I know that the immense love for your family will be your source of strength always, and that they will never question your love or have any doubt as to how you feel about them.
    I know that whatever happens, you have done NOTHING in vain.
    Your fight has NOT been for nothing – you unknowingly gave support and strength to those who were fighting similar battles, who drew hope from your amazing outlook and faith when it all just seemed too much.
    The Lord only knows what an incredible impact you have had in all the lives of those who have followed this journey of yours, and will continue to do so.

    Kristian, if the Lord decides at some point that he needs you more than your adored loved ones down here, my friend; REST. It will not be the end. Know that your beautiful family are as much a part of you as you are them – the love you share, the energy that cannot ever be extinguished, will always be present.
    So many of us want to reach out to Rachel and the boys, and when the time comes ( whether it be in the near future or in 50 years time!) I hope they know people like me- a mum of two young children who has faced the very same fears – will be here with open arms and hearts.

    But you know what Kris?
    You never cease to amaze me. I feel you will be here a while yet, I really do. :-)

    So, in saying all that, I wanted you to know that no matter what, you have made such a difference. Such a wonderful, magical difference. You are amazing!
    Believe it. Because you’re not done here yet!

    With so much love and strength going out to you and your family; you are all in my every prayer. Keep that amazing faith, and believe in YOU.
    We ALL believe in YOU. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

  163. Heavenly Father I ask in Jesus name to provide complete health restoration in Kris, a miraculous healing above all understanding,let your presence be known,take away any sign of sickness, spare your child Father,thank-you Father,thankyou, Amen and Amen~

  164. Kris, I’m feeling this news as if I was hearing it from a good friend. I’ve been reading your blog ever since a friend of yours, Natalia (who I went to school with), posted Rachel’s birthday video to her facebook.
    I’m so very sorry for you and your family, for all the fighting you’ve been doing and all the strain. I always choose to believe in the possibility of miracles so that’s what I’ll believe for you.
    You wrote in your previous post that you wish Rachel and the boys knew how much you love them. You can’t honestly think they don’t! If all of us strangers round the world know exactly how much they mean to you, how can they not be feeling it a million times stronger every day?!
    If this is indeed your time, please know that you will be remembered. I hope this blog is turned into a book, it is incredibly well written and very powerful. It will help people.
    Some people are unlucky enough to have terrible Dads their whole lives, your boys are lucky to have an incredible Dad, perhaps for too short a time, but you will have influenced and loved them enough for a lifetime.
    Wishing you strength, love and peace.

  165. Kristian and Rachel.
    Was thinking of you tonight and I thought I’d sing this song for you~
    Hope it makes you smile :)

    God bless!

    http://www.singsnap.com/karaoke/r/bb9b5eeac

    Sandra Lori Allan

  166. Kristian, I know you are not giving up there is so much out there. I too am a fellow stage 4 bowel cancer sufferer and was only given 3 months to live 18 months ago. I too am in my 30′s and have 3 young boys. I keep a file of alternative treatments and other chemos i know about for the day they tell me nothing is working. I know of quite a few people who go to the Hoxley Clinic in Mexico with good results. There is also a new clinical trial going on for a new monoclonal antibody called Panitumumab, it works on the KRAS wildtype tumours which is the one you need to have Erbitux, so you know you are a candidate for it. My oncologist has someone on her books given 2 weeks to live 3 1/2 years ago, then erbitux came out, she put her straight on it while she waited to find out if she was a candidate for it, she has been in full remission for 3 1/2 years now. PLEASE see if you can get on the ciinical trial. Do not think that your fight has been for nothing, it ain’t over till its over. You have bought yourself time with your boys. If it was not for you i would be paying $2000 a week for erbitux, but thanks to you it is on the PBS. For that my family is forever grateful. My last CT came back fairly ordinary and my husband and i are now going to the Gawler Foundation in December, i feel it will get me into full remission.
    I believe you will get there, you are such an inspiration. Jodie xxx

  167. I would like you to know that your fight has not been for nothing! Sharing this fight of yours has given people some hope, made people re evaluate their life, changing their priorities, myself included! Jakob and Cody will always know that their father is an awesome person! I pray for that miracle Kristian x

  168. Kristian, remember that the Lord answers our prayers in 3 ways: He says Yes, and gives us what we prayed for. Wait, and grants our prayer at the right moment and in His time. And at times, He may say no – but gives us something definitely better.

    My prayers goes out to you, and your family – Rachel, Cody and Jakob.

    Sincerely, Rachel

  169. I’m praying for you too. Never give up hope for a miracle. Nothing is impossible for God to do!

  170. I think about you and pray for you and your family every day.

  171. Uplifting you and your family to the Lord today….

  172. Kristian – I’ve been following you daily on Twitter and checking here since I first heard about you. I have literally sobbed for hours for you and your family – begging God to give you a miracle. I’ve finally left this comment just to let you know that one more person is thinking of you, praying for you… pleading with God to come through for you.

  173. I have read every post of yours, followed your case for the last 18months since the video on the TV news programs about Rachels Birthday present….I cannot put into words how I feel, even though I don’t know you, its like one of my closest friends has just been given this news. I just watched your video for Rachel on Youtube again and it brought a tear to my eye. You’re boys will be proud of you when they are old enough to understand, just like everyone of us readers are. Keep Fighting, you will survive as you are one of the good on this planet. Why is it always the good ones that get punished and not the people that deserve it? Thinking about you and all of your family Kristian, Take care, Russ from the UK XxX

  174. One more pair of hands lifting you up…

  175. I have a constant fear of my husband falling sick because I live for him and our 2 year old daughter only. I feel this tremendous sadness for Rachel and your boys. You HAVE to keep fighting, and keep believing. My mother passed when I was 18, definitely no longer a child as your children still are. I felt as you do now – all that fight was for nothing. But it’s never for “nothing” – hoping is never for “nothing”. It is for the love you have for your wife and your boys.

  176. Dear God,

    I have been following this wonderful blog since day one and it has lifted my soul during the good times, the not so great days and everything in between.
    I have silently prayed for Kristian and his family for you to intervene. Today as i come back to this site and read this post it broke my heart.

    I know you said in your words that by your stripes we are healed. Tonight i need you to heal Kristian. Cody and Jakob are too young to be fatherless and Rachael should not be a widow despite all her hard work.

    Heavenly father you know what is best but tonight i need you to comfort this family and keep them under your umbrella of protection. You have been doing it for a while but i need you to accelerate the healing process and bless this family with good health, joy, happiness and comfort.

    Thank you for Lord because I know you see my heart and how desperate i am for you to answer this prayer tonight.

  177. Just wanted to drop by again Kris & Rach…. to remind you that we’re thinking of you all, sending so much love & light your way xooxoxo

  178. Heard your story on Triple M and am struggling to hold off the tears. Keep fighting for your family if nothing else! I cannot imagine what you have gone through but you have a huge heart and just remember each day is a gift so make sure you fight for each one to spend with your family!

  179. Sending love your way!

    http://renegaderoundtable.com/videos/2009-charlotte-gerson.html

  180. Kristian, preparing for death in such a loving and respectful way is the bravest act a person could ever encounter. For this, I have the utmost respect, for your determination to battle, I have the utmost admiration, for your dis-ease to remind us of the importance of loving one another – I have nothing but gratitude. Who you are and the light you have shone has made such a difference, honour that gift which you have brought to many people’s lives …..I understand that the instinct and expectation is to fight on. But there is no shame in being battle weary. This battle is familiar to me also.
    Sending you and your family the connectedness of love that unites us all.
    Peace be with you. x

  181. Thank you for sharing this. It hurts to read, but it is so real and helps me with my own journey involving someone I love. You will always live on in the words that you write and your dear children. My love to you all.

  182. Hi kris! I understand what you are going through. I’m a 20 year old girl from Sweden, and i saw the oprah show today about you and your family. My stepdad also have cancer in his liver and intestins. We don’t know how long time he has left. It’s all between 1 month and 1 year. You and your family is with me in my thoughts

  183. Nobody deserves this pain. Sending muchos love and as a fellow cancer patient, I just want to say, don’t give up!

  184. Hello, I enjoy reading through your article
    post. I like to write a little comment to support you.

    • Everytime “Marry Me.” by Train comes on the radio,I think of you and Rachel Kristian. Youre life story has touched my heart,God bless you and will defiately miss you and your blogs.I hope you found peace :)
      Sandra Lori Allan

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