In Defense of Daddy

The other night I was helping Rachel put the boys to bed, as we do, and I was cuddling up to Jakob in his bed. He loves to tell me all about his day and what he did. It’s very cute. I began to test the waters with him and told him that Daddy will always live in his heart, no matter what happens. He looked at me and said “In my heart? Oh. Ok.” Then we tested it a few times… where will Daddy live?

Jakob: “ummm…. kindy?”

Daddy: “Noooo…”

Jakob: “In my heart?”

Daddy: “Yes, that’s right. So even if I have to leave I will always love you and live in your heart. Sometimes people have to go away and can’t come back, like when they’re very sick.”

Cody walked in at that exact moment and got very angry. “NO!” he shouted. “YOU CAN’T LEAVE!”

“Why are you going, and why can’t you come back? There’s only one Daddy for a family and you’re our Daddy….and…. and… You can’t go!”

He had tears running down his cheeks and the look on his face was pure fury. He was angry.

At that point I couldn’t contain it anymore and collapsed in sobs. We talked it through a bit more and then we prayed with them. Pretty soon they were asleep but it wasn’t easy.

Somehow I have to help my boys understand what’s coming.

Dear God, no father should ever have to do this.

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~ by Kristian Anderson on November 6, 2011.

126 Responses to “In Defense of Daddy”

  1. Oh Kris……. You’re absolutely right. No father should go through that. But you are doing a very brave thing; talking to them and preparing their minds and hearts now. The anger you feel about the situation is exactly how they will feel at times too…. Let them know you’re angry about it sometimes too.
    You’re a wonderful father, doing an Extraordinary job. Keep the faith my friend. You are all in my thoughts every day. xoxox

  2. Kristian,
    As a mother of two similar aged children, I give you so much credit for your strength. This has got to be incredibly difficult. I hope and pray that these conversations do not have to continue. I do believe in miracles. I believe your miracle is waiting in the wings.

  3. No family should ever have to go through this much turmoil :(
    I wanted to share something that a friend I once knew did for his kids, when he knew he would not be there to see them grow up. He left his hand prints and feet prints in some paint on paper and also did the same with some mould ( a bit like what they have on the avenue of stars) .. both of his children have a copy of his hand and feet and whenever they feel the need to connect with daddy or wonder what daddy would do, they go and put their hands in these prints ( into daddys hands) or stand in daddys foot prints… You could even do one with the print of your lips so they could kiss you goodnight… My heart hurts for you all… your wife, your sons and especially you…

  4. The very biggest huggz to you Kristian and your family…Power in prayer my friend..and we won’t stop praying for you~ thousands of angels sent around you~God bless!

  5. I’ve just read this to my family. My kids are saying a prayer in their own words to God to help look after your boys. We all feel for you and send all our love and prayers to you.

  6. Kristian, I know you & Rachel will do the best you can being honest and trying to prepare your family for what might happen. No matter what happens, your boys LOVE you. They will always know that and will never, ever forget that either. I am still thinking of all of you every day and praying for peace and hope for your family.

    Fondly,
    Alison Overstreet,
    Garner, NC USA

  7. […] And then I read this. Warning, don’t read this if you are at work, or anywhere you don’t want anyone to see you absolutely lose your shit. […]

  8. Kristian, I read your post and I cried. May God give you and all who love you strength.

    When a relative of mine (named R) passed away, her children had plenty of photos/pictures. But very few videos or voice recordings. A friend found an interview with R they had taped whilst R put together a book for her children of her life story. Her children treasure that recording as they can ‘hear’ her. They love the book (her childhood, meeting the children’s father, the story of the children’s arrival etc), they love the photos. But it is the voice recording that was never meant to be a treasure that they use most regularly.

    God Bless.

  9. The boys have another Father so eventually they will have two fathers in heaven. Not sure if this will help them as they are very young but it might help you. Your boys will never be fatherless

  10. Kristian, Your not going anywhere.I know it.You are going to look back at all your posts one day in a totally different light and thank God for his miracle.Keep up the faith my friend.. Prayer and faith will definitely avert destiny.

  11. Dear Kristian, your candid sharing of your personal experience is a gift for all of us. You are a light and you a constant reminder of how precious and fragile life is. Because of you, we are taking it less for granted. There is not a day that doesn’t go by that I don’t think of you and your family. I’ll be for example eating in a rush and then, because of your postings, I’ll think how precious this meal and this moment are and I will slow down, enjoy them more deeply and be grateful for them. It is a privilege for me, for all of us, to read you. I am wishing you the same dear Kristian. I am wishing that the pain and sadness subside a little to make space for grace and serenity. You are much loved and accompanied. Stephanie – Quebec, Canada.

  12. I wish there was something that I could say to ease the pain that you and your family are feeling. I will continue to pray for all of you.

  13. Please look after yourself during this time.You have been strong for so many people take some selfish moments for yourself.

    So good to hear from you again even though it is heartbreaking

    and impossible to comprehend your life at the moment

    take care

    Ev x

  14. Oh dear Kristian.

    You are right, no father should ever have to go through something like this.

    I am so sorry.

    I really feel for you and your family and wish you all love.

    Words can not express.

  15. My heart breaks for you and your family. I can’t imagine how difficult this situation is. I did contemplate it almost two years ago. I had just received new that I either had multiple benign tumors on my liver or metastatic liver disease. It was the worst night of my life. All I could think about was my three kids. Hoping for them it would be ok.

    You should not have to go through this. Life is so unfair. You are amazing. Your words and emotions have touched so many. Your children and wife are so lucky to have such an amazing man in their lives.

    Wishing you and your family the best.

  16. I come empty handed, no words of wisdom….I don’t know how your feeling, I can only guess, and imagine, But I know God is watching over you and your family, and I know you know that too, I am praying for you all.

  17. Dear Kristian,
    Your courage and strength with your family is inspirational. Whatever happens your boys will always know that you love them. I love the idea of giving them your handprints. They can grow into them, watching as they grow bigger. You could put a ‘to-do’ on each finger, individual to each boy.
    But whatever happens, they will always have your love.
    Be strong.
    jo

  18. Kris I know it’s hard, but “keep praying, keep asking, keep believing for He is faithful”. There is still a miracle coming your way. Just believe it !!
    Love you and your family dearly. God Bless you all.

  19. No. No father should ever have to do this. I have no magic words to explain why life can seem so cruelly, randomly unfair. But I guarantee Cody and Jakob will have you in their hearts forever, just like you told them – and I know this because my father is in my heart: guiding, reminding, soothing, loving. Every day. Every, every day.

    Anne

  20. Kristian I work at the Cancer Council NSW in patient support and my thoughts are with you. If you or your family have any need for our services (including our book about talking to children) please be in touch.

  21. Always praying for you, and praying for a miracle! God bless you and Rachel and your sweet boys – I’m so glad that your boys have been loved on by you. Carol/Vancouver, Canada

  22. I am so sorry Kristian. It is the hardest thing in the world, what you are going through, and it will be impossibly difficult for you and your family. But as the boys get older and they see how hard you faught and tried to stay with them, they will know you, and love everything you tried to do to stay with them.

    God bless you all and make memories for your family to cherish every day.
    Love Sonia

  23. Oh the injustice! God shows His despair and the Spirit moves us to pray for you and healing and more time. It must be burdensome to receive continuous advice but in my heart I know that there is much truth to breastmilk being a cancer suicider. They say the cancer cells self destruct when in contact. It may be worth nothing but I bity tongue as my friends mum died from cancer in her 40s and I was laden with milk from nursing my boys. It was too embarrassing for her to accept the offer and as silly as it sounds what would it hurt. If you could get your hands on colostrum or breastmilk (heck I’d express every damn day and express mail it to you if it gave you more time) it may buy you days. Silly no, but the Spirit quickens me to write so I will put it to you and if in need I’m sure any one of my nursing friends would donate. To God be the glory, He has used you for His gain and yet we implore Him that this is a time for great miracles. When we thought we’d lose our daughter in childbirth I remembered the verse I read that morning about the deer not calving til He gives the say so and I beg Him to give the say so and bless you with many days upon this earth. His blessings may they abound and pour out peace upon you all. Jasmina

  24. I’m trying to respond to this post as I couldn’t to the previous one. I kept coming back, wondering what to say but I couldn’t say anything. I don’t know you, Kristian. At least not personally… But I have been following your journey, the ups and downs, the hope, the despair. The last post left me mad and angry. Not at you. I feel today I can be honest enough to say that I was mad at God, and maybe still am. It doesn’t make sense. And though we’re told to never question, I do. You shouldn’t have to tell your little boys that. They shouldn’t need to have to process this and make sense of it. Yet, it’s happening. Already I’m considering not posting. But I feel like I have to. This is going to sound cruelly stupid… But you have something a lot of people don’t. Time to say goodbye… So many people simply die, whether it be in an accident or in their sleep. But many die without warning. You know more or less when it is going to happen. And you can choose how to spend the last while. It’s rich coming from me, I know. But my mother died at age 38 after a two year long battle. I never used that time to say goodbye. I was stupidly thinking she would get well. I really don’t know what to say other than that. I am still upset that a young wife will lose her husband; that a young mother will have to raise two beautiful little boys alone; that two gorgeous little children will be hurt so badly at such a tender age. And I’m mad that a young man’s life will be taken away from him so soon. Yet God has a plan. And despite not knowing right now, or understanding… It is there… Your story has touched the lives of thousands, if not millions… And God would never let this happen to people he didn’t know could handle it. I’m so sorry, Kristian. Just use your time wisely, it may seem little, but at least it is there… I’m thinking of you and your beautiful family in this time. Lots of love from South Africa…

  25. I am soo sorry that you are having to go through this, I cant even begin to imagine how painful it must be. I thought of something that may help to tell your kids: That they will one day see you again. Even if you die, they will be without your presence for a while, but they will see you again on the new earth [heaven]. Its a temporary time gap where they wont see you physically, but you will meet again.
    Keep hoping for a miracle. There is still a possibility that this cancer will leave. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Praying for you.

  26. You’re right when you say no father should ever have to prepare his kids like you’re doing.

    There are no words, just tears and prayers being sent your familiy’s way. Also praying for your parents and siblings…

    Elizabeth

  27. Our hearts lurch when we see a post – with joy – with anticipation – then with agony – but remember Jesus said ‘I will NEVER leave you’ – He is with you now as you go through this – He will NEVER leave you…..or your precious boys and wife….Jesus will never leave you…..THE perfect mantra.
    The Grandma from North Carolina with non hodgkins lymphoma

  28. Hi Kristian, i cried when I read this. It is definitely something no father should ever have to go through. My mum went to church with your mum and she wanted to let you know that you and your family are in our prayers. My partner is currently fighting liver and lung cancer after having bowel cancer last year. He was cleared but it came back, he has surgery in 2 weeks to remove the tumours off his liver. I read this and have so much respect for you and keep praying that the doctors are wrong, we also have 2 kids and I couldn’t imagine having to tell them something like this. All our prayers are with you, god knows what he is doing and will look after you :)

  29. Hope and love will never let you and your family alone. You will be always in my heart and prayers. Hugs from Italy Davide

  30. Kristian, you are an amazing man and your boys are so lucky to have a father like you! keep fighting! Miracles happen! Dreams come true!
    I get so excited when I see a new post and I get so sad when I dont. I look forward to your positivity and your outlook on life. you are so inspiring!
    you have changed the way I want to live my life. You have touched peoples lives more than you will ever know.

    I will continue to pray for you and your precious family. <3
    Brandi

  31. Dear Kristian,

    I hear you. Never give up, things can change in an instant.
    Keep fighting.
    Our Prayers and thoughts are with you.
    Jody

  32. I think of you and your beautiful family everyday. You are not alone.x

    Lorraine

  33. Dear Kristian,
    I dont understand this but I believe in god. Surrender all your pain to him. Find some peace in knowing no matter what happens now you will be not be separated from your beautiful family forever That is the promise we have from god. I am praying for you and your family.. I wish for you peace and love . Not one of us knows when it is our time. We all only have right now.
    Sending you and your family love and prayers for miracles and hope
    Faye

  34. Hi Kristian, what a father, husband and brave person you are! I’ve been following your blog and twitter for some time now. I pray and think of you often and worry when I don’t hear. I’m a breast cancer survivor with one daughter (22) and we have recently lost her father to cancer. He did not accept the fact that it might happen and has left us with a huge financial mess(both business & personal) and a daughter who although spent two and half months of precious time with him while he was receiving treatment in China did not broach the fact that he might die. Heartbreaking for her.
    I do so wish he had been as open as you are being with your family and had thought of ways to be in her life – like when getting married, her first child – such momentous milestones for her would be made to mean so much more. It is truly very, very special what you are doing. I’m praying that a miracle happens for you . In my thoughts and prayers. Carol

  35. Dear Kris,
    With tears on my eyes as I read this, I have no idea what to say. You are always in my thoughts, and as a parent of two boys I can only imagine how difficult this is. Your boys will always have you in their hearts, sending you, Rachel and the boys much love and prayers for healing and strength.

    Chris R xox

  36. Still praying…..still believing

    Lisa in Alabama

  37. Hi Kris I am sitting at my computer with tears in my eyes.But as I write I do not accept cancer.Cancer is just a word.I have beaten cancer as you have.It will never enter my life again.I had stage 3 bowel cancer and beat it.I still beleive you will beat it because you are a fighter.And fighters always win. I did plenty of crazy things to beat it like walking around the park each day saying positive re enforcement that I would win.I beleive the more you say that you will win and beat cancer it seems to get into your sub conscience.I don’t really know what to say but i do know that cancer is unpredictable and here is a list of some of things I did and I don’t know but maybe 1 of these gave me the edge on it or maybe not.I suppose when I did these things I felt I was doing something about it – taking control.

    Positive re inforcement
    Meditation just saying to myself that I would win or positive remarks
    A vegetable juice every day
    3 pieces of fruit every day
    If I ate an apple I would also eat the seeds which have B17 in them(appricot seeds)
    I would have paw paw everyday it is suppose to kill cancer.

  38. Kris, you and your family are in our prayers. We lost my dad after a 4 years battle of non hodgkins lymphoma in July. It still hurts ad we think of him daily. I feel for you and your family and know that your family will cherish all of the time they have with you. I’m so sorry for all you are going through and wish you as much time as possible left with your beautiful family.

  39. stay strong Kris, praying for you and sending you strength and much love xo

  40. Kristian,
    It has been years since I have seen you and I barley had the chance to know you and I can offer nothing by way of thought,word or action.
    The things of this world and indeed even our very own flesh within in it are set to destroy and maime unto death all that we are as creation and children unto God.
    You are now teetering over the edge of the precipice of this life.
    As you well know, despite our vain attempts to gain life, to hold on to life, to give life meaning by what we do, what we learn, what we own, how we are perceieved. In the wise words of Solomon who gained all the world had to offer. “All is vanity and grasping at the wind”
    Our one true, mighty and all sufficient consolation and reward is Christ Jesus.
    He knows, he has experienced he has walked the very steps and path upon where you feel you are now stepping alone.
    Be rest assured you are not making lonely imprints in the the deep and muddy soil of tradgedy before you, you are in fact following behind, with each step, into the imprint of assurance in Christ before you.
    It is he and he alone who hung before all mankind in order that his very own father who loved him dearly not only permitted his flesh to be twisted and tormented in pain, he willed it to be. Then if willing the death of his blamesless and completley perfect child was not enough. Almighty God, King of all ages, Lord of Lords, God of love…then willingly and decidedly, completely and utterly poured out his violent and all consuming wrath, hatred, fire and judgment from the cup of his justice onto the spirit and soul of his child, until every last drop of it was drunk down by Christ Jesus.
    Still not finished and not yet complete, this loving father then turned his back on his ONLY child, abandoning him…. foresaking him.
    “Father, father, why has thou foresaken me!!”
    Because of My sin, Your sin.. was now attributed to his son and he could no longer be in communion with him.
    On this day, in this event there were two hearts, two spirits torn utterly in two. Neither deserved this to occur, neither had to choose to do this…. but for love.. but for love…for love. The love of God and Christ Jesus his son.
    In him, through him, because of him, our truth, our hope, our life, our salvation, there is indeed now
    “A crack in every thing”
    where there was only hardness and coldness of heart, blindness of eyes, deafness of ears.
    Christ is our one and only true reward, he is and always will be the only means, the only path, the only way unto which:
    “how the light get’s in”
    Dear Kristian,
    should the Lord require you to come home, to be forever in his presence. Rest assure he will continue to be the blessed comforting father, giver of hope, life and joy to your children and unto your wife.

  41. I’m praying that you don’t have to say goodbye. With you every step.

  42. Hi, Kristian, Rachel, Jakob and Cody
    Charmaine and I are so very saddened to hear you are so unwell Kristian and though we don’t see you because of distance always remember you and Rachel,Jakob and Cody are always in our Prayers and we believe in a Miracle working God and will continue to Pray in Faith for your Miracle.
    Grace and Peace my friend always.

    Love from Trevor & Charmaine

  43. Continuing to pray for a miracle…..

  44. Sobbing with you Kris, but still trusting.

  45. Kristian,
    I have followed your story since I saw you on Oprah and you and your family’s story has and continues to touch my heart. In on of your previous posts you spoke about wanting to do something great, and I want you to know that you have. You have inspired people all over the world to appreciate the small moments in life with the ones they love. You are a friend in the hearts of people you have never met. Your name is whispered in prayer across the globe every night. God has heard your prayers and he will not forsake you. I know that your miracle is coming Kristian. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this, no one should have to. Stay strong and keep God in your heart. Love from the US, Erin

  46. dear kristian, though we have never met in person i have heard all about you through friends who are close to you, it almost feels like we have met.
    there are no words to say. i pray you can hold on until you can have everyone you love and care about surrounding you. life is cruel and no one will ever understand why your family has to go through this.
    you will be in our thoughts, prayers and tears.

  47. My heart breaks for you and your precious family. I pray the Lord will give you the right words to say to your boys.
    Praying for you all
    Allana Parsons

  48. Dear Kristian, You and Rachel and your boys, your parents and siblings are all in our prayers. Your Mum’s 60th Birthday was the last time we saw you. Some time ago now. May you be at peace when the time comes to leave and go to our Heavenly Father. Trust Him who is faithful to care for your loved ones. Saying goodbye hurts, I know. It hurts even more not to be able to say goodbye. We were not given that opportunity when our Jason died. Treasure the moments you have left here on this earth. I don’t know whether you will get to read this, but Rachel may. I have been honoured to know you and rejoice that you have a future with Christ, and that Rachel and the boys know Him too. Ineke Jones.

  49. Your honesty and courage are a legacy that will last the lifetime of those who have followed your blog mate.
    No goodbyes here, just Goodnight, we’ll see you again soon Kris.

  50. I have been silently reading your blog for many months now. Every time I read, I just feel so sad and heartbroken for your family. I pray that you have a miracle. That you live to see your sons grow up, marry, and have kids of their own.

    Just recently my husband and I were watching a documentary on a doctor here in Texas that has had many positive results from a cancer treatment that he’s discovered, have you heard of Dr. Burzynski? Here’s his website: http://www.burzynskiclinic.com/.

    I continue to pray for you and your family.

    – Autumn

  51. Dear Kristian, Once again, I cry for you and for Rachel and for your beautiful boys. You all have every right to every feeling you are feeling. You are so brave, so don’t give up! I continue to pray for you!
    Everything will be okay, even though you all have so much upset right now! Sending tons and tons of love, Mary K. from New Jersey, U.S.A.

  52. Still praying for a miracle Kris, God can still do a miracle. No parent should have to go through this. The things you are doing for your boys will change their world, I was in their position, they will be forever grateful. Emma x

  53. Kris you have been in my thoughts constantly. I will continue to pray for your miracle, comfort, peace and strength. Kris, you have touched my life like no one else ever has.. much love to you all Chris R xo

  54. Kris, i have never commented before, but i have been following your blog since it started. My thoughts are with you and your family.
    What you are going through is very close to home as my partner is going through the exact same thing as you, its like you are writing through his eyes.
    Please be strong and know that Rachel, Jakob and Cody love you so much and they will be looked after.
    xox

  55. Dear Kristian-

    I’ve been following your blog and twitter, and have left a couple of comments on your blog. I have checked your twitter account a number of times today. Kristian, you have fought the good fight, and you are finishing well, you faithful servant! Yes, I would so love for you to be blessed with a miracle and continue to be there for Rachel and your children, but so grateful you are at peace with the Lord’s plan. In today’s world, that IS a miracle. No more pain nor suffering … in the arms of Jesus. God bless you, Kris. Carol/Vancouver, Canada

  56. Praying for a miracle. And wishing there was a way to fix this. And so sorry for what you’ve already gone through and what may still be to come.

  57. Praying my heart out for you mate, and your family.

  58. Ah, my friend. Remember the days when all we had to think about was college classes, mixing the sound and keeping everyone happy about the DB levels (impossible!) and the day you could affort to get rid of your much loved dodgy maroon car. How times change. We get so much happiness as well as sadness…
    Thinking of you often and not quite believing that the cheeky bloke I knew is now having to be so very grown up, strong and courageous.
    I wish you strength and peace
    Lots of love, Anth xx

  59. Kristian, i too have been keeping up to date with your twitter and am heartbroken for your family to read things are coming to an end for you in this world. I just want you to know you have helped me. You have restored some of that faith in me that was lacking after my own diagnosis. You HAVE left an imprint on this world and it will continue after you have gone. I am so greatful to have gotten to know a small part of you through your musings on this blog.

    As a parent, my heart does break for Rachel and the boys. But I too trust that they will be looked after by God. And I am sure, you will be looking out for them too from above. Your spirit will live on Kristian. Thank you for what you have given this world. You will be missed by many.

    Rest now, enjoy your family for as long as you can, and go to your God when he calls you home. He doesn’t want to see you in any more pain Kristian. You have done what you were meant to and he needs you more now.

    My love and tears to your family. You will be remembered. And thankyou xxxx

  60. Bon voyage, Kristian. What a brave, compassionate man. x

  61. I am following your twitter post , if it is near the end all I can say is thank you …your candid and openness has inspired more then you every could of imagined..

  62. Dear Kristian, Rachel, Jakob and Cody,

    I haven’t met any of you but I feel like I know you all through Kristian’s sharing of his life here.

    I am still overseas in Switzerland at the moment… but if I can offer you any support whatsoever as of January next year when I return to Sydney, please let me know.

    Please don’t be shy to ask, I mean it.

    pkaragiannis@gmx.ch

    I wish you peace Kristian. Rachel, Jakob and Cody – I sincerely hope and believe that Kristian’s love will get you through.

    You have been loved.

  63. Thank you for your bravery Kristian. I am praying with you and for all of you.

  64. My prayers are with you. What strength you have!

  65. Don’t know if you will see this, Kristian, but while praying for you this song came into my head and it has not left….have to share it.

    Lisa in Alabama

  66. Dear Kris, thinking of you all constantly. Prayers for comfort, peace and strength. You have touched the lives of so many, much love to you, Rachel, Cody and Jakob. Thank you for making a difference and teaching us all what is important in life, God bless
    Chris Robinson xo

  67. Dear Kristian,
    Thank you for sharing your faith and story with us. Your words and videos have touched my heart–and millions of others. Thank you for reminding us all what is truly important in this life. We will never forget you. You have made such a difference in the short time we have had to share this journey with you. We will pray for peace for you and for Rachel, Cody and Jakob. God bless all of you. XOXOXO
    ~Alison
    Garner, NC USA

  68. Many of us are looking forward to meeting you one day in heaven.. You have touched many lives. Praying for a peaceful time for you and your family for the next little while, and strength for your family when the time comes for you to go. What an example you have set for your boys!

  69. Rest in peace , I am not a religious person but the amount of faith I have read in his blogs and twitter really make me wish I was. To Jakob and Cody your father loves you more then you can imagine and will be with you always, Rachel , there are no words , only to say thank you for sharing your precious time you had with him with all of us …. Mya

  70. Kristian I just want you to know that you made a difference in my life! I am a 42yo mother of 6 kids and god and I parted our ways many many years ago. Thanks to you he is back. Your faith, courage and love is breathtaking. I pray for you and your family everyday. Please God, let there be a miricale! Leigh, Darwin NT

  71. you know you can’t be the father that you are and the husband that you are…..and not feel this anger and injustice towards this situation….. Don’t try to fight it yourself or talk yourself out of it…quite frankly, you are allowed it….. I, like many of your readers, know I have been forever changed by being privy to your words. Its had a huge impact on me. As a mother to three young girls…my heart goes out to you as a parent.

  72. Hang on Kristian!
    We are all gutted but we believe in miracles for you and your family.
    Feel the Love and prayers being sent to you, Rachel, Jakob, and Cody.
    Hang On ……to Love.

  73. Hi Kristian,
    Just wanted to let you know I’ve been praying for you and for your family.
    I felt like God led me to pray these verses over you (I’ve got them in the Message and Amplified versions):
    Isaiah 49: 8
    Isaiah 49: 17
    Isaiah 49: 23
    Isaiah 49:26
    I will not pretend to know what God wants to say to you through them, or how he wants them to play out in your life, I just know that I am praying these for you and your family and I know that God works miracles: in our hearts, in our bodies, as only he can do. Amy

  74. I am praying for you and your family <3
    You are so brave and an inspiration!

  75. Dear Kristian and Rachel

    My husband and I have been following your blog for a while now, it has been such an inspiration for us since we are fighting the same disease… But – we don’t have any children. Reading your last article I wish we would. They are a gift from heaven, their smiles enlighten your days, they laugh with you and cry with you. I am sure they love you very much because they can see the love between you two. You have given them roots, now they need wings. May our Heavenly Father bless your family very much and give you the right words in the right time Xxx

  76. Thinking of you and your family. Sending my love and prayers! You truly are an inspiration!

  77. Dear Kris, sending much love and prayers for comfort and peace. you , Rachel and the boys have all been on my mind constantly. God bless you
    Chris R

  78. Always thinking of you all.

  79. You are in my thoughts every day. Thank you so much for for being such an inspiration. x

    Lorraine, Ireland

  80. I am praying for you and your family. You have touched my life and I will always keep you in my prayers. I am grateful to have been able to read your words and see the beautiful love of you and your family.

  81. I am also praying for you and your families. Much love to you all.

    To other readers that love and support Kristian…
    I only just realized that you can follow Kristian on twitter without having to join.
    Just google [Kristian Anderson twitter ] and the link pops up and looks like this
    twitter.com/krispa or this ……..Kristian Anderson (@KrisPA)
    It has more up to date info on how Kristian is doing.

    How about we all pray together in 35mins ie 11pm Aust time.

    I desperately want a miracle for Kristian and family.

  82. Dear Kris, you have been on my mind all day again.
    Knowing what to say is difficult, but please know that you have touched
    my life and the lives of so many. I continue to pray for comfort, peace, love and strength for you and yours.
    Hope you got to enjoy those prawns and oysters tonight :)
    much love to you, Rachel, Cody and Jakob
    Chris R

  83. Dear Friend that I have never met..
    I am a mother of one and can not imagine what you and your family are going through. You truly are a inspiration.
    You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!

  84. Thinking and sending love to you all. Thank you for sharing your story and introducing us to you beautiful wife and boys.
    See you in heaven.
    DEB

  85. Kris, we’ve never met and we’ve never spoken. You’ve changed my outlook on life. You’re a great man. You’re going to leave a wonderful legacy for your boys, and a wife that can be so proud.
    Love to you and your family.

  86. Kristian,
    I saw your video many months ago, and was so touched by the strength of your love for your family and your grace under some of the most difficult circumstances life can throw at anyone. I don’t have any wisdom to offer, but please know that my heart is with you and your beautiful family. No matter what happens, I know that your boys and your wife – as well as countless strangers across the world – will treasure the memory of a very special man. Much love to you all.

  87. Kris,
    You are always in my thoughts, I pray for a miracle for you. A medical marvel. Whatever God wants to do to make things better. I am so inspired by your strength and just by you.
    You are an incredible human being.
    I pray for you and your family.
    Emily McDonald

  88. Kris, I have never meet you, or your family… I read what you say and I get a giant bubble in my throat…. Its so sad that a beautiful father and husband has to leave his beloved family… It makes no sense to me.. there are so many horrible people out there in the world why you?…. I guess we need a another beauitul angel to look after us… If I had one wish I would wish you better x x

  89. Kris, thinking of you this morning and wondering how you are doing today. Hope you are comfortable. Continuing to pray for you, sending much love to you, Rachel and your gorgeous boys. I feel like I have gotten to know you on twitter over the last several months. You have touched my life, and you have made a difference in so many lives,

    Chris R xo

  90. Dear Kristian and Rachel

    Thank you so much for sharing your story

    Don’t forget there are many people out there thinking of you and your family.

    Its hard not to get angry at the unfairness of it all

    suzette

  91. Hello Kris, like so many people here we don’t know each other, but i feel compelled to write to you.Just hoping you will have the most meaningful times with your wife and boys -no matter how long or short that time is.
    It’s really all we should ever strive for. I visit your blog and think of you daily. All Love and Light,
    Marie Abbey

  92. Kris,

    You and your family are in my daily prayers. My strongest thoughts to you all.

    Anne-Marie

  93. ‘Ahakoa he iti noa, he pounamu’….when translated means ‘Although this gift is small it is as precious as greenstone’….Though my words may be few…they are given with the utmost outpouring of AROHA (Love)

    This morning I was driving to work & I heard about your story on the radio so I wanted to find out more about you, your whanau (family) & the direction your journey has taken you…what a courageous man you are Kristian and like so many others I too shed a few tears.

    Your MANA(pride) is powerful my friend if not contagious & you truely inspire me. I leave you with these few words ehoa (my friend)…

    Kia kaha, kia maia, kia manawanui
    Be strong, be a warrior, be kind hearted

  94. You are truly amazing and evryone of us is blessed that you have shared your life with us.

    In our prayers xxx

  95. Kristian, I am one of the Americans who was in the Oprah audience when she had you and your wife on the show in Sydney. I think of how unfair this is and question what God is thinking by putting you and your lovely wife and boys through all of this. But if I have learned anything in this life, it’s that God has an ultimate plan that I know nothing of. I believe you will be healed in heaven, and faith and prayers will sustain your wife and boys as they go on without you. Those of us who you will never know will continue to pray that God walks not only with you, but with Rachel and those precious boys for the rest of their time on earth. And some day, you will all be reunited again, and what a joyous reunion it will be. God bless you. We love you.

    Susan

  96. hi kristian you have brought me to tears so many times and i am not usually the type to cry but having 3 little boys under 4 i feel so deeply sorry for you and your lovely family i often think of the things that happen to people and how very unfair these things are , you are a big inspiration and have made me think how things can change so quickly and how rite your story is and now now i make shaw i never leave home with out tellin my boys and gf how much i love them , i hope a miracal comes your way it would be such a shame to lose such a wonderful and caring man god bless

  97. Dear Kristian and Rachel and kids,
    I am sure you have tried everything under the sun to fight this cancer but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about you and wanted to give you another option. A friend of mine, her husband was diagnosed with lung, stomach, bowel and prostrate and another her sister has spinal cancer and from following a book called the ph miracle by dr young they have had amazing results. My friends husband was given weeks to live and 3 years later, lungs, stomach and prostrate are clear and bowel is shrinking every week! The lady with spinal cancer has come off her strong meds and is doing very well, the doctors are amazed! The top oncologist here even bought the book for himself! Don’t give up hope just yet, please read the book and follow it, it can’t hurt right? You are a beautiful family and I wish you all the best. xxx
    Shannon

  98. Ohhh Kristian how my heart breaks for you and your family. The only thing I can do for you is pray and hope!!!! I wish there was more…..
    Much love
    Jenny (Jones)

  99. As I read your blog my heart aches for you and your family. I read and can’t help but think of how very brave you are to share this personal journey with us. I wish I had words of wisdom at this time. However I am at a loss. Please know that I pray for you and your family.

  100. My name is Alex Hope, my dad died 3 years ago he had pancreatic cancer. I have followed your story over the past couple of weeks. The only symptom he had was a sore back. it was late by then. I have been listening to triple m and they have been saying you were trying to make it to your sons birthday. We were in the same boat all I wanted was for my dad to make it to my year 12 graduation. He made it. I got to hopeful i thought he would make it to my 18th birthday. Unfortunalty he died a few days after my graduation and a couple of days before Christmas. I just wanted to say Thank you for bringing all this awareness to cancer. It is truly amazing what you have done.

  101. Hi Kristian,

    You have been on my mind since I received a call from my husband the other morning who was deeply upset, driving to work. He told me to turn on the radio and tune in to Triple M. I know you probably hear this all the time, but I listened to their interview with you and can’t tell you how deeply moved I was by your story. I have said a prayer that you find your miracle cure and can be healthy and happy, alongside your wife and boys.

    ‘It just doesn’t seem fair’ is such an understatement. You seem like such a wonderful, intelligent, caring family man who is fighting to stay with his family. It breaks my husband’s heart and my heart to hear your story as we have children around the same age as your boys. Jack is 4.5 yrs, Ava 2.5yrs and Holly is 11 months. I can imagine your older son’s anger as our son has such a close bond with my husband too and it would be heartbreaking to have to deal with what you’ve been dealt. Your boys (and wife) are very lucky to have you preparing things in advance for them in your absence. I guess you are lucky in the sense that you have the time and notice to do these things.

    My children lost someone they knew recently and I stumbled across a book in the library called ‘Up In Heaven’. I know you’ve probably had lots of recommendations (and you’re probably sick of them!) but they got a lot out of this book – maybe too much, as they thought heaven was so wonderful, they would like to go there now! It is based on a pet dog dying (so doesn’t tug on the heart strings too much by making the connection too raw to human relationships) and tells a story about the dog being able to look after the little boy from up in heaven. The dog comes back to visit and comfort the little boy in his dreams.

    Anyway, I’ve just discovered your twitter account and your blog and will keep checking in, in hope of hearing your discovery of that miracle. Thank you for reminding my husband and me what really matters in life. You are a true inspiration.

    Kind Regards,
    Shelley Feltham.

  102. My heart goes out to you and your family. I couldn’t imagine life without my husband there to support and raise my children. I know your trying to explain to them that you won’t be around but there are many ways you can still let them know of how you feel at certain parts of their life, it made me think of the movie (p.s I love you). It such a positive way of letting them know you are still apart of there life .

    Ps I loved the idea of the hand prints that someelse suggested.

  103. Kristian,

    As I have followed your blog of your struggle with this horrible disease. I have thought and prayed for you and your family. I continue to pray for a miracle, and I have not given up hope. Miracles do happen. You have inspired us all and have shown the world your heart. Don’t give up!

    Much love,
    Jennifer Barrett

  104. I heard your interview on MMM and want to thank you for reminding me that Jesus is everything, I’d forgotten Him. I hadn’t thanked or acknowledged His wonder in so long – I cried and loved Him many times over on Tursday.
    You Kristian, no words can describe , you are simply an angel too good for this world a wonderful man, with a beautiful heart. No words can express what I feel for you, someone I’ve never met, yet you’ve impacted my thoughts and feelings beyond all comprehension – thank you so much.

    Layla

  105. Dear Kristian

    I can’t possibly comprehend the pain that you must feel to have to try and explain this to your children. As a mother, a NEW mother, I couldn’t possibly understand the pain of leaving my family…

    You are the strongest person I have come across in a long time. Everytime I hear your voice on triple M I cry. You have given hope and KNOWLEDGE to so many, and because of you many will catch an illness early and go on to live with their families. In your suffering, you have eased that in so many and it makes you a hero…

    My best to you and to your family.
    Shari

  106. Hi Kris, just checking in and wondering how you are doing today. The photo of you, Rachel and the boys at Cody’s birthday party will be forever in my mind .. such a beautiful family. Sending prayers, much love, and ongoing hope for your miracle,
    Chris R xo

  107. I’m praying for a miracle, for your healing…God bless you and your family

    Andrea, Croatia

  108. Today is Thanksgiving Day in the U.S.

    One of things I am thankful for today is having found your blog and the wisdom and lessons you have shared. I am thankful for your beautiful boys who are going to do great things in life. I am thankful for you inspiring me and so many others to be better people. And I pray that despite the horrendous circumstances there is some reason for me to be able to say “Happy Thanksgiving Kristian, Rachel, Cody, and Jakob.”

  109. kristian, i have followed your journey. i found about your blog through the video you made for rachel. you and your family are constatntly in my mind and i always check your blog to make sure everything is ok. i feel so heart broken about your most recent diagnosis. you are in my prayers. be strong for your family. you are an inspiration. love to your family from taiwan

  110. I just want to give you a huge hug. You are giving your beautiful boys the most wonderful legacy – they will always know how much they are loved and how you will always be with them no matter what. That, and with Rachel’s ongoing love they are going to grow into two truly wonderful men, just like their dad. You have my utmost respect, and my prayers and thoughts are with you all.

  111. KRISTIAN, you are an inspiration to us all. Ever since we saw your movie online we have followed your journey. Your boys and you wife will struggle without you but you will have left a great memory and legacy behind.

    Having recently lost my own father to pancreatic cancer my thoughts are with you all. Forever is a long time but memories are forever.

    Cherish the moments with your family….keep on inspiring us

  112. Kristian, when we celebrated our annual Thanksgiving meal here in the US yesterday, we prayed for you and your family. We are thankful that you are continuing to live to fight to live to love your family, and inspire us all. We will keep praying for you, and we are breathing for you, brother.

  113. Kristian, I stumbled across your blog today and had a read, I am only 18 but this story has touched me so much. I do not know what you are going through, but all three of my grandparents have now been diagnosed with lung cancer.

    I will pray for you tonight, I hope you prevail fighting this horrible disease, and I pray for your well-being throughout the coming months,

    Please god please, do not take this man from us.

  114. Kristian,
    I wanted you to know that I am still praying for you out here, for you and your family~I know its a long road going through cancer, but God has a way of breaking down the most hardest obstacles, I have been in remission for 12 years now. I remember being angry,asking God why? And I also remember walking through a field by my home,screaming WHY? Why Is This Is Happening To Me?? Clearly at that moment,I heard him say,”Have I Ever Let You Down Before??” I stood in there in my tracks,and I thought, no God…you’ve always seen me through…Everything was a learning process,and even though I wondered why this was happening to me,God was showing me that if I looked deeper and beyond what I wanted..there were valuable lessons of life to be learnt through everything we endure…the greatest lesson I learnt was that I was not in control of everything, and that if I was faced with something I couldn’t handle on my own, I would give it to God…and he would take care of it and also take care of me. He has never wavered that promise and I feel truly blessed with his presence and undying love for me. Its belief beyond belief Kristian, and I pass that onto you~know in your weakest moments~God is with you every little step of the way :) Many blessings your way…know that you are loved,

    In his light,
    Sandra

  115. Words just aren’t enough…Our prayers are with you all; that His grace will help you all through this time. We pray for a miracle all the while knowing that if the Lord ultimately chooses to take you home that the hope we have in Him will not disappoint. My heart breaks for you and your children, I will keep them in prayer in the days and months to come and pray in His mercy He will help them to know that they will see you again one day and that death and separation will be no more. Until then I pray His peace and love will surround them and that they will grow secure in the knowledge that their Father was an amazing Dad and that the love between a parent and a child lives on in the heart.

  116. I just learned of your _____________ (insert adjective here…..I cannot find one adequate enough) plight and I feel helpless to address its enormity as though I stood before a tsunami. Your faith and courage are beautiful and inspiring and I thank you for sharing all this. May God comfort and protect you as you move forward. May he heal you and change everything. May he lift you up and give you strength if he does not. May your boys be forever changed for their lives, the lives of those they will love, and the world, for having had a father like you. What a legacy. You have poured into them more than many will if they live to be 100. Bless your beautiful wife and may she find comfort in huge and tiny ways. Praying for all things and especially for those only God and you and those you love can know.

    California

  117. Kristian, first-time commenter here. I had heard of you when you made the birthday video for Rachel and had hoped things would look up. I came by today to see how you were, and I’m deeply sorry to hear the struggle hasn’t turned out the way we all hoped.

    You are right to have this dialogue with your children. I lost my mother at 22, and when she felt she wouldn’t make it, I tried to be encouraging, and said, ‘Don’t be so silly, you’ll make it.’ She had fought so bravely. With hindsight it might have been better to talk through things in a candid fashion, no matter how hard it was. You’re right to have these chats, no matter how hard it is, and should that miracle come and the cancer finally goes into remission, you can still look back at these conversations as meaningful. We should outlive our kids, and if it’s not the three to six months they gave you, and it turns out to be another thirty years, isn’t it great to get our wishes already recorded down for them?

    I was fortunate in some respects that when my paternal grandmother passed, Mum and I had a chat about the style of gravestone she would like and what typeface to use. I honoured that in 1994.

    I also want to share two other things about these time-frames docs give you. Mum was given two weeks to a month in December 1993, and she beat those dates considerably—to September 1994. And my paternal grandfather was given two weeks in September 1976—and died of a stroke in July 1997. Time is not a construct any humans can conceive of properly.

    I will pray for you and your family. You are an amazing man, Kristian. Your blog is an inspiration to us all.

  118. We have been so moved by your journey of faith. You have inspired us to love more deeply, to live more fully, and to trust the One who knows the Way.

    We will continue to ask for God’s hand of healing…and we will continue to pray for your beautiful family.

    Amy (C3 Toronto-Canada)

  119. I lost my best friend 9 years ago. Her daughter was 5 when she died she has wonderful memories of her Mom and we all share our stories. They also did the “I will be in your heart always”. All my best memories she is in them. Praying for you and your family

  120. I’m a Portuguese viewer of the Oprah show and although I don’t see it all the time, I really do admire her work. Less than a couple of hours ago (10 p.m. here) I had just arrived home from work and was preparing to eat something when I saw something on the TV that caught my attention: in one of Oprah’s last season episodes (we’re a bit late here) Russel Crowe was saying that one of the things that he remembered the most from the programme was your video/love letter to your wife. I’m not a very romantic person (and maybe my husband would agree with you) but your gesture really moved me. I decided to search the web for more information (since I had not seen the episode) and I found this blog as well. I read what you said about your boys and I can only imagine how hard it must be. You gave your wife the most beautiful and original love proof. You were blessed with two beautiful boys. The way you have been handling everything will certainly help many people. May God give you lots of happy moments with your loving family. Without knowing, you have made a difference in many people’s lives. You are making a difference in mine as well, as I write to you. I deeply miss one of the most important beings from my life, I miss her everyday and I saw how she struggled, but I keep her in my heart and forever will. Be strong and never loose faith. You have a beautiful family and you will forever be with them, that I certainly can assure you even without knowing you. Seeing what you offered your wife also made me think that we must show our love for those we love while we are here. Thank you. Thank you so much.
    Susanna Barroso

  121. Absolutely heart-wrenching. My love to you all.

  122. I didn’t know this blog was here, until I heard the devestating news of your passing today. Its amazing, the total gut wrenching devastation you can feel for someone you don’t even know. Words cannot describe how sad I am to hear about the loss of such an amazingly strong person with such a beautiful soul. My deepest sympathy goes out to the family, and those poor little boys….heart breaking reading this and imagining what they must be feeling right now. So sorry, so so sad.

  123. I lost my dad at an early age to bowel and lung cancer….and nothing could be more true than in in your post…I worried I would forget him, forget his face, his laugh, his smell, but it’s nearly 23 years since he left us, and I have my own son…I’ve spent more time alive without him in my life than alive,,,,but I never ever ever forget him in all he taught me….your boys WILL be angry, confused and sad…but they will also be stronger, more emotionally intuitive for it….they will never forget you. Your strength is an inspiration.

  124. tears started to flow down my face, no child should have to
    say goodbye

  125. My god, this is the saddest thing I’ve ever read. Now I’m crying.

    RIP.

  126. I didnt know about the blog until a friend posted the birthday message for Rachael on facebook. Ive been sitting here reading the blog and despite having tears in my eyes the whole way through this post made me cry, I’m a single mother of a almost 4yr boy and the thought of having that conversation just broke my heart. What you have done by making books, video’s etc will help them to understand but they will know how much you loved them and their mum. deepest condolances to your family, you truely were a great man. RIP

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