Chemotherapy: Round 14.

The house is empty. Rachel and the boys are out at a birthday party for one of Cody’s little friends. It’s both a blessing and a curse.

A blessing because the house is quiet, and I can get some rest and let the nausea and other side effects pass me by.

A curse because I so love Rach and the boys and I love their company.

I love watching the boys as they potter around the house playing with their toys, watching TV, bouncing on the trampoline or playing with Daisy, our kitten. Watching Cody be the ‘boss’ and seeing Jakob watch everything Cody does and so want to be like him. The big brother/little brother dynamic. The older they get the more their personalities emerge and it is truly a beautiful thing to witness.

I have the next week off. Chemotherapy is as good an excuse as any to take it easy for a few days. I’ve been struggling a lot with the pressure in my work life and am looking for ways to minimise it as it is starting to affect me negatively. I’m struggling in quite a few areas mentally these days. Memory, perception of reality, emotional control…. it’s starting to pile up and it’s getting harder to stay on the Jekyll side of things. More and more I see myself leaning to the Hyde side of things and it’s distressing as it feels like I am heading out of control. So, as much as I hate to admit it, I’ve taken some sage advice and am going to see a psychologist over the coming weeks. My mental health is just as important as my physical health so I need to do something about it.

On top of that my body is weak and I’m constantly tired to the point of exhaustion.

So I’m flicking through the TV guide on Fox and looking for something to pass the time when I hear a familiar voice and sound. It’s the singer, Peter Furler, of the Newsboys. I generally avoid the Christian channel on TV as I find it…. less than excellent in many areas… but Peter’s voice makes me stop. The band is playing underneath him and he’s reciting scripture but it’s not in a parrot-fashion style. He believes what he’s saying and that makes his words, the words of God, powerful. They cut through the chemo haze and go straight to my heart…

Isaiah 41:10 (New International Version)

10 So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

11 “All who rage against you
will surely be ashamed and disgraced;
those who oppose you
will be as nothing and perish.

12 Though you search for your enemies,
you will not find them.
Those who wage war against you
will be as nothing at all.

13 For I am the LORD, your God,
who takes hold of your right hand
and says to you, Do not fear;
I will help you.

And then peace floods the room and the tears fall again… grateful tears. My God has promised to look after me…. to bring help. My God, who defends me, who is far greater in strength than my cancer or any fear that comes because of it. My God, who spoke and whose words caused the universe to be.

His word is true, unfailing. If He promises something, He will deliver.

I’d stake my life on it.


~ by Kristian Anderson on August 14, 2010.

8 Responses to “Promises”

  1. Hi Kristian,
    As much as I am sorry to hear that you’re struggling mentally, I think it is a good step that you’ve acknowledged it and seeking some help – there is not shame to that and I think more people should do it 🙂 Keep fighting. Praying for you.

  2. You are inspiring. Keep going, one day at a time. God is with you. He delights in you just as you delight in your boys. Yes he defends you. He’ll never let you go. He is your help.

  3. Thinking of You tonight Kristian. Praying for You and Family now. Your Friend -peter.

  4. Oh my God! You are truely amazing.. the scriptures, the openness and sincerity of your condition and your dedication to your family are all truely out of this world.. . Wow.. I am envious of Rachael.. i hope i find a guy like yu one day!

  5. Very Very True, no matter what happens I KNOW THAT GOD WILL SAVE ME.

  6. I’m glad you can see that you need to look after your head as well as your body. I love the words that you came upon while flicking through channels. It sounds like they were written only for you in your present situation. How many other people have read them and felt supported. In this day and age it is easy to live a life that lacks religion. I am guessing that in your life you have a clearer take on things because of all you are going through. Wishing all the best to you and your beautiful family.

  7. Wow. I started reading your posts after I saw the beautiful video you made for your wife, it is pretty famous here in NZ 🙂 You are an amazing person, and the trust and the faith you have in God is incredible. I find myself doubting soo often, and it is all over completely trivial things, uni work mostly haha. The way that you can see past your sickness and still glorify, still praise God, is so inspiring! Your words have made me cry, and I pray that you will get better real soon and have many more years to spend with your family. You have touched many people’s hearts, may God truly bless you for the testimony you are sharing. Best wishes ❤
    'God will put his angels in charge of you to protect you wherever you go. They will hold you up with thier hands to keep you from hurting your feet on the stones. You will trample down lions and snakes, fierce lions and poisonous snakes. God says, 'I will love those who love me and I will protect those who acknowledge me as Lord. When they call to me, I will answer them; when they are in trouble, I will be with them. I will rescue them and honour them. I will reward them with long life; I will save them.' Psalm 91:11-16 GNB

  8. May the Lord bless you and protect you Kristian,
    may He smile upon you and be gracious to you and your whanau,
    may He show you His kind favour, and may He give you His peace.

    You may feel very human, but your faith and your witness are anything but – surely God is with you and upholding your family.

    “Do not be afraid of them; the Lord your God himself will fight for you.” He will vindicate your faith. You know he will, you know how this ends…

    “They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.

    “I am making everything new! Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

    Kia kaha my friend. You are an inspiration to me in less than perfect health. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: