I wish…

Yesterday I went back in for new CT scans. It’s been 5 months since my last set of scans were done and the surgeon who is looking after me ordered something more current. I don’t know the results of these scans yet but based on the last set of scans it’s not possible to operate on my liver due to the placement of the tumours. Something about ‘bi-lateral metastasis’.

On top of that, my CEA and CA markers have come back from my most recent blood test 50% higher again. My CEA’s have come in around 1,500 and my CA’s have come back at 75. For anyone who understands these numbers you will know that these figures are high and not a good sign. It’s not necessarily an indicator of aggression from the cancer, but it does show tumour activity… multiplication and division. I guess one good sign is that all blood tests show healthy and normal liver function. Surprising to me but welcome… very welcome.

When I finally got home from the hospital I was wasted. Physically… drained, nauseated and sleepy. Emotionally… empty, unsure and afraid.

I want so desperately for this journey to end.

I want my life back.

Cancer has taken so much from us this past year… I want it back. All of it.

God? Please?

If it be your will, if there is a choice
Let the rivers fill, let the hills rejoice
Let your mercy spill, on this burning heart in hell
If it be your will to make me well

And draw me near and bind me tight
Your child here in his rags of light
In my rags of light all dressed to kill
And end this night…. If it be your will

I wish for a body free of disease.

I wish for the chance to have another child with Rachel.

I wish for the chance to comfort my boys when they get their hearts broken by a girl for the first time.

I wish for the chance to take them to their first U2 concert.

I wish for the chance to see them become men… to tell them how my heart swells with pride when I see what they have become.

I wish for the chance to hold Rachel’s hand… to offer her my arm… to steady her in her old age. To tell her she’s still beautiful when a lifetime of smiles are visible on her face.

I wish I understood why I have cancer.

I wish for many things…. but most of all…. I wish for life.


~ by Kristian Anderson on September 7, 2010.

152 Responses to “I wish…”

  1. “I wish…”
    – You and I both Kris, Keep those wishes with you, as they are your light in the dark. Positive thinking will be your cure.


    • mercy, grace and comfort to you and yours brother. this life is just a camping holiday – bit rough sometimes – but one day we all get to go home and be together there. hope your holiday lasts long though. god bless. your light is beautiful and i thank you for that. x

    • (excuse my english) OMG, I just watched the Rachel’s birthday video… and discover your blog. I read the post I wish… and I’m just wow, this is our story…. My boyfriend 27 years old has the same cancer, no reason to explain why, from a year we have in front of our bed reasons to continue to fight. Even if it’s an unfair battle. Oh god, i’m so touched by your video… We’ve made our goodbyes 2 days before my birthday this year… and what you are writing here is so beautifull, never stop to wish. It’s the most important thing!! cancer may affect a lot of thing, but it can’t stop us to wish! You are a heroe, just like my boyfriend. That never stops to love, to wish, to fight, to turn the situation to the good side. I wish you beautifull moments, love, strenght and joy.

      • I feel intrusive… but I saw the beautiful video you made for your wife and felt compelled to send you my sincerest and deepest LOVE, COMPASSION and POSITIVE ENERGY. I am not religious, but I think about the buddhist way of seeing everything/everyone as interconnected. You and I are connected. You have impacted on me, and that will impact upon my interactions wtih others and the cycle goes on. Your act of love lives on through all the people who know you -and now even through those who dont know you! That is trully remarkable and powerful. I wish we all could utilse that power we possess more often for the betterment of our world.
        I wish for you a full and rich life filled with love – In fact it looks like it already is filled with love!! Take Care, Be Strong.

    • Kristian… I pray that your wish (EVERY WISH YOU HAVE)will be granted. You and your family are precious, inspirational, enlightening. I send healing energy to you and yours along with my best wishes… Catherine

  2. I hope and pray for you.
    May your wish comes true by the will of god.
    I know it is not related to your disease…but hope in god’s mercy is everything in ones life.
    I lived the war, i saw my country occupied by the syrians…and one day, we could not dream of such a day, the syrians were kiked out of my country.
    God bless you…

  3. A quick realization I just had.

    Upon looking up at the night sky what is it that you look at?
    Is it the seemingly forever infinite darkness?

    Or the specks of light that grow ever brighter the more you focus?

    Focus on those little lights in your life Kris, the more they grow, the smaller that darkness becomes…

    There are more little lights in your sky Kris than you can imagine…


  4. Wishing for you that all your wishes will come true. My Dad says this Irish toast each time we are together.

    “Go mberimid beo at an t’aim seo aris”

    May we all be alive and well this same time next year. In your story this wish is all the more true and tangible. I wish this for you and your family.

  5. Pls contact me…Help comes from unexpected places…

  6. Kristian, your strong faith will sustain you. We all wish for a life free from adversity, whether that be free from cancer (in your case), or from Parkinson’s disease in mine or depression in Derek’s, or the loss of a child through suicide ( it’s been 4 years since our Jason took his own life). God did not promise us a life free from affliction. BUT He did promise to be with us wherever He leads us. That is what sustains me. These words from Job have been a great encouragement to me, particularly when Jason passed away. We can trust our great and merciful, loving Heavenly father with every detail of our life. And even Jesus said in the garden of Gethsemane, “Father ,if it is Your will, take this cup from Me; nevertheless not my will , but yours be done” (Luke 41b) Jesus Himself wished for another way, not death on the cross. If He could voice His wish, , and yet also submit to the will of His Father in heaven, so can we. We continue to pray for you and your loved ones. Ineke

    Job 1:21b ” The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD”
    Job 2:10b “Shall we indeed accept good from God, and shall we not accept adversity?”

  7. Dear Ones,

    I am a Buddhist and will continue to chant the compassion mantra to ease your suffering. Om Ma Ne Pad Me Hum.


  8. It’s the Grandma from America with non-hodgkins lymphoma again – here is a prayer that I pray quite often –

    Heavenly Father,
    I call on you now in a special way. It is through your power that I was created. Every breath I take, every morning I wake, and every moment of every hour I live, I live under your power.
    Father, I ask you now to touch me with that same power. For if you created me from nothing, you can certainly recreate me. Fill me with your healing power of spirit. Cast out anything that should not be in me. Mend what is broken. Root out any unproductive cells. Open any blocked arteries or veins and rebuild any damaged areas. Remove all inflammation and cleanse any infection.
    Let the warmth of your healing love pass through my body to make new any unhealthy areas so that my body will function the way you created it to function.
    I pray for God’s protective peace for you and your precious family.

  9. You must be strong and you must think positive. I know that this is difficult but I hope that all the love around you will give you the strength you need. We pray for you and for your family and we thank you for sharing your amazing story with us. All our good thoughts for you, smara, romania

  10. I am just a lowly Disc Jockey in America but I came across your video first and researched to find your site. Please do not give up hope. I am praying for you. I am praying for peace and hope for your family! I am praying for continued wisdom for your doctors and medical team. I am praying that you have a chance to find joy today.

    Lisa Thomas

  11. Just want you to know that we are praying for you and your family I wish you the very best

  12. Kristian, I have been following you for sometime but never said anything before. I’m praying for you and want to remind you of God’s promises – that His wounds became your healing and that He sends forth his word and heals us. I’m not sure if you do this already (you probably do) but, just like you take physical medicine, you need to be reading healing scriptures over yourself too. I have posted a couple of links to websites that have them already listed for you. 🙂 God bless and stay strong, we are thinking and praying for you and your family.


  13. Dear Kristian,
    I am still thinking of you all, and I desperately hope you get better. You’re so brave. Members of my family have had cancer and what makes all the difference is your attitude. You can only do your best, and whatever happens just be strong and that way the cancer won’t have won. Don’t let it bring you down no matter how tough things get and just make the most of whatever life throws at you. I sincerely hope you get what you wish for, you more than most deserve it.
    All my love to you and your family, even though I don’t know you.

  14. Hi Kristian
    I’m sure I’m not alone when I say that you have consistently popped into my head since I saw your amazing video on Monday. I like to think that every time I think of you, or indeed any other stranger thinks of you too, that a little bit of love springs from my heart to yours. Know that on the low days, the days where you feel so very depleted, that you’ve got a little bit of love from alot of strangers hearts, springing from our hearts to yours.
    With love
    Linda x

  15. Hi Kristian,
    I came across your beautiful video you made for your wife and your blog from a friend. I have two young children of my own.
    I cannot imagine life without them and them not having me (their Mum) around to love them, guide them, protect them and just watching them to become respectable young adults. Your beautiful, beautiful boys and your loving wife are what you need to think about to get you through this. It is them that you must be positive for, esp. in times when you think you cannot go on. I cry every time I read your blog, not because of what you’re going through, but also because of your strength, courage, integrity, honesty and determination.
    I wish you and your family a long and healthy life.

    Ban (Melbourne, Australia)

  16. Hi Kristian,
    I came across your beautiful video you made for your wife and your blog from a friend. you know , I think that god gave you this cancer to make you stronger , i think that’s a hard test to pass and u will succeed , because u have faith , u have rachel , u have your amazing kids!!! I have confidence in god and in you and your family ! You will get better soon! I wish you good luck and i hope you will get sooner better thanks to god and your family. you will see your children grow up , you will get aged with you wife and support her in hard and bad times, and you will love her until death , after a long life , of love , courage , peace , hapinness …
    Don’t lose hope and faith. everybody is with you and pray for you.
    Sincerely, with love
    Aziza ( Tunis, Tunisia)

  17. Dear Kristian,

    Thank you for having displayed so openly the struggle that you have with cancer and the love for your wife that bubbles deep within. It is so rare to see a man so open and honest about matters of the heart …

    Indeed life is tough, but God is good. I pray that in the days to come, that you would have strength from above, peace beyond understanding, and grace to go through it all.

    Hang in there, mate. You’ll make it through 🙂 with a beautiful (both inside and out) wife like Rachel and two wonderful kids beside you, there’s nothing that can stop you guys from prevailing.

    Keep on keeping on!

    Best wishes,

  18. ‘There are days, when I feel, the best of me, is ready to begin.
    Then there’s days, when I feel, I’m letting go, soaring on the wind.
    Cause I’ve learned in laughter or in pain, how to survive…

    I get on my knees.
    I get on my knees.
    There I am before the love, that changes me…
    See I don’t know how, but there’s power, when I’m on my knees…’

    On My Knees – Jaci Valesquez

    Kris, if there’s one thing I’ve been inspired by, it’s that you always keep your faith. You know that this is not something you are meant to face alone.
    Keep reaching out, you know he’s there.

    All my love and blessings from NZ.

  19. Hi Kristian,
    J’ai découvert ton blog à la suite du merveilleux clip que tu as fait pour ton épouse. Depuis je viens régulièrement prendre de tes nouvelles. Je voudrais que tu saches que tu n’es pas seul dans ta lutte : toutes ces personnes qui t’écrivent sont avec toi. Ne baisse jamais les bras ta famille a besoin de toi ! J’espère pouvoir te donner a nouveau foi en la vie. Courage mon frère. Prend soin de toi.
    Pascal Belgium

    I tried to translate it in English 🙂

    I discovered your blog following the wonderful video you did for your wife. Since I have regularly taken from you. I want you to know that you’re not alone in your fight: all these people who write are with you. Never give your arms family needs you! I hope to give you a new faith in life. Courage, my brother.
    Takes care of yourself.

  20. Je prie pour vous, pour votre famille. I pray for your, for your family. Que votre chemin ne soit plus souffrance et maladie, mais joie et amour. You have so much love to give to your wife, to your family, je vous souhaite de vivre encore 100 ans, que dieu entende ma prière.
    Hope and love, don’t stop to believe.


  21. Praying so hard for you and Rach and your awesome sons..Again your writing is such a power force…..Let God carry you thru this time….Rest in His unfailing love xx

  22. Your deep love and your open expression of it to your beautiful wife Rachel touched me. Trust God daily, He will order your steps. I will hold you up before the Lord in prayer, believing with you for His healing touch. I have and am walking with loved ones through the valley that is Cancer. Please continue to share your experience with us and never relinquish your gift of eloquence in word. You have inscribed your name on the hearts of the world. Walk in His calling,speak the Word and sing His praises. Thank you and may God richly bless every day of your life.

  23. You will be there, a love like yours never ever dies, no one will forget you, you will always be there in their lives. I lost my husband to cancer and I have nothing like the precious gift you gave your wife. It was not the video but the thought behind it. with much love from Jane in Luxor, Egypt

  24. Chin up mate, you need to stay strong and positive.

  25. Kris and Rach-how about a wedding anniversary celebration? You know where to come! We are here with open arms when you are well enough! God’s plans are so perfect-trust in His perfect plan-hand it all to Him-Glorify Him-Praise Him today! We pray for your comfort today! Hugs!
    Bill & Kari

  26. Cancer is a non discriminating disease of mis-assembling proteins, if only we could talk to our bodies rationally and demand they stop producing these proteins and return to normal body function.

    This is a picture of bi-lateral metastasis http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Secondary_tumor_deposits_in_the_liver_from_a_primary_cancer_of_the_pancreas.jpg

    Nothing irritates me more than when a patient walks away from an appointment not being able to visualize what is going on.

    All you can do is play the cards you are dealt and kiss your wife with more passion even though you don’t have the energy and hug your kids tighter.

    Sending good thoughts your way.

  27. Hi kristen a fellow bowel cancer survivor here also a registered nurse so i do have some understanding of your markers be strong even though at times you feel like you have lost control of you life try to take control of the beast dont let it take control of you easier said than done I know from experience I will keep you in my prayers god bless 🙂 kim

  28. I don’t have much to say that hasn’t been said, but we are here with you,praying for you, and thinking of you.

  29. I Think you’re Superman…I think you’re Stronger than you think you are..You need to proove it to yourself..I know no one can feel what you’re going trough..But hey look How Much Hope you gave to all the world with your video and your blog..Again:You’re my Super Hero.Thanks for that:)

  30. I just heard about your video on a TV news show here in America, watched the video on Youtube and then found your blog. I’m saying a prayer for you and your family now.

    Jeremiah 29:11-14
    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the LORD…”

  31. hello .How do you do? I`m Japanese womwnan.I,m cancer.Now I`m under treatment.2 years ago I`m deprived of my mother.For onry one.From my family,s pictur they died out.My mother ,elder sister,youger sister,aunt,grandfather.they will keep up anoder earth(world)This sick is terrible,but I give much things from this sick.Every thing “thank you very much”For Today NOW alive.For a littl thing.In Another world we will go to,but onry we go faster than them. Som day everybody will gather.I never be terrible.In my heat my mother alive.The sick will teach ,for us what is it immpotant.I think and every day I`m enjoy.NOW we are hear.

  32. Bless you Kristian, I am walking with so many friends that have this disease from the pit of hell and I get SO angry, the way it robs people. I wondered if you might like to contact the Oasis if Hope hospital, Mexico or check out their website for your encouragement.
    One thing we do know , with God all things are possible.

  33. i also saw your video on the Today show, like Linda above, I am thinking of you and your beautiful family often. May all our prayers and good wishes lift you up Kristian!!
    My prayers are with you and my other friends fighting this everyday xxx

  34. Hi Kristian. I have never written on a blog before but have just seen you video to Rachel. I just want to send you strength and all the energy you need to see you and your beautiful wife and boys through this. Just to let you know another stranger is thinking of you and willing you better on the opposite side of the planet. My very best wishes, Helen in Dorset, England

  35. I just saw your video on the internet through a uk news and wanted to say that it was a moving and beautiful gift that has touched peoples hearts and I am sure your wife will treasure it forever.

    You have a lot worth fighting for…God Bless, wishing you a speedy recovery.

  36. I hope to leave a few words of hope… I recently read in a book that Job had a lot of things taken away from him and his life. But when it looked like the worst was to come after losing all his possessions, family and most of his friends, God restored double – even more so what he had originally lost. Giving him not only full life and health again but quality of life. He will restore what was lost (even the months). His word also says (somewhere dont ask me where though) that your better days are ahead of you…

  37. Just seen your wonderful video and started reading your blog. I am hoping ang praying for you and your lovely family. You are a remarkable person to be sharing your journey with so many. You are an inspiration to so many who may face the same illness as yourself. Wishing you a future with many smiles and cuddles to come from your 2 boys. All the very best xxx

  38. krystian,
    you have cancer in your life. you also love (for life, for your family). And if you have to leave tomorrow, you’ve had the taste of these things. And if you stay, you can transmit the key to your children …. the love, always the love,love in spite of everything. It always comes down to this. This conclusion seems naive to some, but for all those who have experienced a race is very obvious. this cancer may be there to “learn”.

    “marshes is born the water lily”.

    courage and love from france.
    Thanks for this blog.

  39. If I said prayers Kristian,you’d be in them…you and your beautiful family are in my thoughts and I send you positive vibes that you can beat this awful disease….I’m a year in remission and I hope one day you can say the same….thinking of you.

  40. When I first became ill, one kind friend sent me this link and I immediately thought of you when I saw your video…it speaks volumes.


    Your ‘dash’ is clearly filled with love and sharing. Thank you for sharing with us, and letting us become part of your ‘dash’

    I wish for you and your family….a very long and happy ‘dash’

    Love Notting Hill, UK

  41. Kristian

    Saw your video and interview on Sky News. My thoughts are with you and all your family. Keep fighting, I hope all your wishes come through. I know personally what’s it’s like to battle this horrible disease, please don’t give up wishing. I’ll keep you in my prayers every morning & night. Love Siobhan xxxx

  42. You are a true inspiration to everyone. I came across your site today because you were on the news. I have been feeling a bit down lately and have had a few troubles in my personal life. But you have made me realise that I have so much to live for. Life is there for the taking. We need to grab every opportunity while we can. Well done for making such a brilliant video. Rachel is a lucky lady and I think that God has plans for you. Even if you cannot see what it is right now – there will be a reason and I think you are going to make a big difference to so many people’s lives. Good luck in the future and I hope you feel better soon. Take comfort in the prayers of others who are thinking of you at this time. xx

  43. dear kristian I just looked at your messages of congratulations and love for your wife … I am excited … you are a beautiful family …
    never stop never give up hope …. …. I am sure that together you will succeed.
    an embrace with my heart to you and all your family ..simona

  44. dear kristian I just looked at your messages of congratulations and love for your wife … I am excited … you are a beautiful family …
    never stop never give up hope …. …. I am sure that together you will succeed.
    an embrace with my heart to you and all your family ..

  45. coraggio kristian, non sei solo! you’re not alone!

  46. Hi Kristian,

    Just discovered your blog and i must say that you are a true inspiration not just to people suffering from this illness but to people all over the world. Your nature and positivity is truely amazing.

    Wishing you a full recovery so that you can fufil your wishes.

    Chin up Buddy – keep going! Belief gives hope when all seems lost.

    Scotty UK

  47. Kristian i’m thinking of you and your family. we saw your video you made on a uk news show. i’ve been through this disese 3 times with my mum and she has come back out fighting every time. you have such a beautiful family and loads to keep fighting for. keep your chin up and you strength high.

    wishing you a speedy recovery
    Grainne in Dublin, Ireland.

  48. After seeing your video on the news section of my homepage on the internet, I have sat here this afternoon, and read your blog from start to finish whith tears streaming down my face.

    I am now remembering your ‘Dress code’.

    One thing my Nan always used to say to me was “God only ever throws at you what you can deal with, you may not know the rhyme or the reason, but he knows you can do it.”

    Please remember these words, whilst I have not lived in your situation of living and fighting with cancer, they have helped me through many a dark and unwelcome day.

    God bless, and keep fighting! xxxx

  49. What a beautiful video, something that will be treasured forever. You are truely an amazing man and have touched the hearts of everyone around the world. Our thoughts are with you and your family x

  50. Hey Man… Your words came across the world and were spread also in Brazil… Perhaps we can not give you what you do need the most, at this very moment, but we can hope and wish for it. We can make part of a choir that asks for help and comfort… May God bless you, not only you, but all of those who are facing a similiar condition. There are things we can not understand… perhaps one day we will… In this path… may we all be blessed with Love and Understading. Wish you all the best.

  51. I´m following your blog from Spain and in fact I wrote about yours in my blog.

    Good luck and receive all the courage that we can give you from here.

    Your words are inspirational for everybody who want to understand and look at the life from the true perspective.

    A big hug! I will follow you till your recovery.

  52. Our family relationships can last throughout the eternities. Have you been Baptised into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints? I believe that we are here for a reason, The Plan of Salvation as set forth by Heavenly Father.

    Bless you Kristian. So many people go through life without even knowing of the depth of Love you share. I wish you to have many of your wishes and prayers granted.

    Thank you. x

  53. Hello,
    I don’t speak english very well but i’ll try to pass my message. 2 years ago, i had cancer too and my medecin was so negative about my case…but thanks to god, i’ve found another doctor that helped me a lot with saying to me that no matter what the results are, the most important is to believe in your chances and to live your life like if nothing happened, to smile every day, to hide your disease so that you don’t feel sick…If course i had chimio too but it helped me psychologicly! So I hope that you will be fine, your sons are so cute and your wife so beautiful. For all the love you give here, you desearve living.
    Good luck and i hope that some day you will say: thanks to cancer i grow up and i know how lucky i am to be alive.
    With all my prayers
    Rym from Morocco (northern africa 😀 )

  54. I’m with you , never give up loving.

  55. Your video and your words tend to bring me to tears and I pray with every ounce of my being that you will be able to hold Rachel’s hand when you are both old and watch your beautiful boys grow up into men. I know you won’t give up. The whole world is with you. Amie x (Portsmouth, England)

  56. Hello,

    Today your video was sent to me by a friend. I would be a liar to say that i didn’t shed a tear, so beautifully done and powerfull. I know what you are going through. On september 3rd of this year i have just celebrated my five year remission! What a relief to cross the 5 year bridge. People think you stop thinking about it and it’s over, but to be honest, you never forget. Everyday I wake-up and I am just gratefull that I made it all that time, and everyday I live my life and enjoy it because you never know what’s around the corner. I’m 34 and a mom of 3 beautifull kids. 5 years ago when I gave birth to my son, they found a tumor, stage 4, malignant. Couldn’t have any operation either, tumor was to big and had spread. I had a stage 4 Cervical cancer. I started chemo, radiotherapy and brachytherapy when my baby was 4 weeks old. Everyday was so hard, someday I really had to kick myself in the butt to go to the hospital cause I was so weak and tired I just wanted to go to sleep and never wake-up, but when those days would come, I always had my kids hugs and their way to look at me and tell me I couldn’t just give up, i had to fight to be able to see them grow.So don’t loose hope, children give you so much energy and love, keep on fighting, every day you go through is a win for you and a lost for cancer! I send you lots and lots of energy and health from Montreal,Canada.

  57. Oh WOW, you are on such a journey in this life time and blessed you are teaching so many to live in love in your time of need. How special you are and how beautiful to see you grow. I am sure you have heard from lots of people that claim to help but Kinesiology can be the difference. It releases the emotion and energy charge that is allowing the dis – ease in your body. If you are in Melbourne contact Janine Michael at Holistic Health in Donvale 98417475, she has self cured from Cancer and Lupus and has trained herself from being a psychologist to now many things because of her journey. She is divine and she can help you even distantly. Please know that I come from love and truth and you can call to see for yourself anyway. She is non denominational as well so it does not interfere with religions etc. I wish you healing and love and for your whole family to continue to feel the love that you all have, you are very blessed in many ways and your positive language will serve you well… I will send you many prayers forever more. Blessings, Love and Light. Namanste Paula x

  58. Hi,
    Greetings from the Dominican Republic. Just know that I’ll be praying for you. I know you from the video through churchmediadesign.tv ! excellent work dude! Remember Jesus is our healer! we just have to let Him work in our lifes deeply so He can remove not only our sins but everything that harm us 🙂

    Keep going! “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:!1

  59. hang in there dude… know that people from all over the world is behind u.. 1 from singapore right here.

  60. Firstly, Wow! How very proud your parents must be, to have brought someone like you into this world!

    Secondly, to show your love to Rachel this way, for now all the world to see, I’m sure making every woman extremely envious.

    And thirdly….cancer, well, I didnt want to give it priority here in my comments. Don’t ever give up hope, keep fighting and I’m sending one of my wishes your way.

    Jo x (uk)

  61. Hello from Cheshire England,

    Much of what I would like to say has already been said, I would just like to congratulate you on your beautiful video to your wife Rachel. Many brownie points won there i’m sure!

    You are both an insperation to all and your video is a testament to true love.

    My 2 yaer old (who is begining to learn how to close her eyes and join her hands in prayer) and I have said Our Lord’s prayer and the Hail Mary for you, your Rachel and your beautiful boys.

    May our God listen to all who are praying for you, trust in him.

    You are in our prayers.
    God Bless
    Maria and Ruby xxxx

  62. Hi from Montreal Canada,
    I saw your video this morning and cried! It was on the morning Canada am news on TV and then I looked it up on youtube to watch the whole thing. I’m a nurse, and I see many things. One of which, is the real power of people and those who love them. I just want to tell you that you and your family (including your lovely boys!) are in my thoughts today. I hope today, and many to follow, are good ones.
    Take care of yourself,

  63. Hello Kris, I have just found your page through a friend’s facebook page. I commit to pray for you. I know that life must be very difficult for you to be so ill and keep trusting in God. I am inspired by your faith. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. I too pray that your wishes will come true. Barbara

  64. Kristian

    My name is Margaux, I’m 21 and I’m live in the south of France. This morning, I was watching the news on TV and saw a report about your blog and the video you did for your wife. I just wanted to tell you that I’ll pray for you. I believe in miracles and I know they happens. Keep being hopeful and keep being an inspiration for people who have the same disease. (… And sorry for my english!)

  65. Hi,

    I know all that must be so difficult for you… And it is so unfair that you have to go through all this…
    But hang on, dude… They are so many people, all around the world, that are thinking of you and wants you to live…

    Hang on.

    Claire from Paris.

  66. Your pain is palpable, but so is your strength. Tears are falling in Austin, TX because you’ve chosen to share your gift of words with the world.

  67. I am so sorry…..I have no idea what you are going through…..I hope all of your dreams and wishes come true. I prayed for you. I will continue to pray for you. Love and prayers being sent your way……

  68. Love and blessings from Ireland. You are truly inspirational. Without a doubt I’m my mind I can say that your strength, positvity, energy, love and fantastic family will get you through this battle. There are tough times ahead but keep strong and smiling. Remember you have touched the world with this video, we are all reaching out to you now during your tine of need. Lean on us when you need support, reach out, we are all here for you xxx

  69. Dear Kris and family,
    I just seen your video on youtube and I am impressed and I overwhelmed. Your video is endlessly beautiful and there is no doubt, that you love your wife and your boys with every beat of your heart. I know that you gonna survive this because nothing can happen to someone who carries so much love inside himself, like you do. Please keep fighting always and forever! I wish you all the strenght, love and hope you need!!! You have all the love and hopes behind your back from everywhere.
    Be blessed,

  70. I saw your video on Canada AM this morning and there are no words to describe how you and the love for your family have touched me. I wish for you a cure for your cancer so that you can see your boys grow up and that you may grow old with your beautiful wife. Until then you have loved and been loved, hold onto to that and know that we are all pulling for you.

  71. PLEAAASE! Go see this doctor that cures cancer in the United States. He’s so good that he gets sued by the FDA that prefer to let people die so their pharmaceutical friends gets rich. Please go see him : Stanislaw Burzynski M.D., Ph.D.. Search for him at google

  72. Kristian I saw your beautiful video on global national in Canada recently and it was the most moving video I have ever seen. It really sucks to get cancer I’ve had family members get and they’ve been lucky so far. I just wanted to say with all my heart that i”m praying for you to recover so you can live a full life and get to see your kids grow up and even your grandkids as well.and also to grow old with your wife as well. peace be with you

  73. Adding you and your family to my prayers. Live.

  74. Hi Kristian – I found your beautiful tribute to your wife thru our mutual love of music and Train’s website. I read your blog from start to finish and plan to continue following your progress until you are fully well! You are an inspiration and I wish you a very speedy recovery and my heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Please stay strong. God has bigger plans for you and cancer (lower c) will not win!

  75. my husband saw it on canada am and showed me the video we both cried, I pray for you that you get all of your wishes, I have been down that road with my husband, he is a survivor, it was a rare cancer but he came through, remember your wife has all those same wishes as you, she also will look at you as her hero as I still at my husband for the strength you have to face this horrible disease and still be able to smile, you are strong in her eyes and believe you are as you are facing an enemy with grace, dignity and a lot of courage, God is with you remember that as is your family, I will pray for you.

  76. Thank you Kristian. I really need to hear what you are thinking as you live your brave battle.
    I live in Australia, but my family is in Canada.
    I come from a family of nine, and our father died when he was just 37 years old. My youngest sister was just one month old. As devatating as that was, we became close and strong.
    My brother Dave found out he had cancer about six months before his daughter’s wedding. He chose to have no treatment or to tell any of us about it until after the wedding. He didn’t want anything to ‘spoil it’ for Lisa.
    Dave scheduled his surgery for a week after the wedding.
    I recieved a phone call two days after the wedding. Dave said, “Look, it’s a win-win situation. If I have the surgery and they can get it all out, I’ve got a second chance at life here. If they can’t fix me, well, I’ll be the first of us to see Daddy in heaven. I can’t loose.” That was October 2003.
    I flew home to be with Dave for a few weeks. By the time I arrived, surgery was performed but unsuccessful. Metaplastic.
    Dave met me at his front door, trailing a drip frame with a tube inserted to his side for nourishment. He was skin and bones. He was so happy to see me! All Dave wanted to do was talk about me and my exciting life in Australia. We talked about Aussie Rules Football and Cricket. Dave said that he would really like to see a footy game.
    Dave didn’t talk about his feelings, only to say, “I’ve lived well, and now I’m going to die well.” And, he did. Dave died on Christmas day 2003. All my brothers and sisters were with Dave, and his wife Joanne was holding him during his last minutes.
    Dave is the bravest man I’ve ever known. My little brother.
    I talk to Dave in my heart all the time now, but I really wish I could have comforted him. I wish that he had shared his pain.
    Kristian, you have helped me to see my little brother’s thoughts. You have given me so much comfort by sharing your journey. I hold you and your family (all of them) in my heart and prayers.
    None of us are getting out of here alive. Our faith gives us strength, but we’re all still pretty much afraid. Afraid for those we leave behind, and afraid of what we’ll miss. Just know that everyone that has ever shared your life is sharing all of this. Even if you had never said a word.

  77. Dear Kristien. I saw your videao. i can imagine how life seems unfair. I just want to say i support you fight, and think to you all. I have got a “bad” MS and getting down quite quickly, always too quickly. but I have got children like you and I do not want to let them..It helps when sometimes you would give up because treatement are almost more difficult to accept that pain itself.
    Hold on. trust your physicians because we have too. If you believe in God, let’s pray..but the love Rachel brings you back is the best treatement for all kind of pathologies, even if we cannot medically explain it yet..Guillaume

  78. Sending Love and Prayers from Scotland.

  79. I just saw your wonderful birthday video for your wife. Full of love and light. Then I read your blog entries and was crying. I´m a mother of three children, married to the best husband of the world (for me :O)). I can only imagine how much and completely such a disease changes the whole world from one moment to another. From the bottom of my heart all the best for you and your family. You WILL do it. I´m sure. Never, never, never forget about love.

    Kind regards from Munich, Germany

  80. I am an oncology nurse in Seattle and ended up here by following a link to Rachel’s video. But after watching it, I read more of your story on the blog. Thank you for your honesty, and for sharing the beauty and the agony that you are living through each day. Thank you for sharing your love of Christ with people all over the world. Your life so clearly points to Him, and that is beautiful.

    Yesterday, I sat with my patient’s wife as she wept over her husband’s prognosis and impending emergency surgery. He’s been sick for a long time, in the hospital with us for over two months. “Why him? Why him?” she asked over and over. We cried together and I had no answers; only a shoulder to cry on and a shared broken heart. I could ask the same questions now; “Lord, why Kristian? Why Rachel, and Cody, and Jakob? Why must this family live through the disruption of chemo and the uncertainty of what lies ahead? Why, God?”

    We have no easy answers. We can only rest in the knowledge that God’s shoulders are bigger than our own, and his heart is also broken for you and your family. Kristian and Rachel, thank you. You have encouraged more people than you will ever know.

  81. hello,
    I french and I very sorry….for my poor english:
    but you must know something important
    there a french génius who find something to help you to fight your cancer (M Mitterand the french président de la république was help with this medecine).
    M Beljansky. http://www.beljanski.com/france/beljanski.html.
    NB : Dont forget to take the plant like Aloés Véra and Bardane ( french name I sorry !!) for you benefit !!

    I sure that medecine help you and after
    you can visit Paris with your wife in the future !!


    the product

  82. Kristian I really would love to talk to you mate. I believe I can help you find a solution for your cancer. I saw your video and was moved by your story.
    Have you discovered Meta Medicine yet? Please do check this out – http://www.metamedicine.se/

    Email me and I will send you some information that will really open your heart and ignite your soul my friend.

    I look forward to hearing from you

  83. Hello from Barcelona,
    Kristian My son is a “bubble boy”, he was born with a genetic disease, Immunodeficiency Severe combined. He has been transplanted a few months and now he’s recovering. Through the Fundació Carreras, We RECEIVED video of Rachel and is why I decided write to you (excuse my english). I Send you much love from barcelona morale, positive energy and optimism. My son was only 7% of possibilities of surviving and he has achieved. I send the link to know my son. He is Cassià.

  84. We will pray this prayer for you. I know sometimes it becomes too much to keep praying it yourself, but don’t worry. We will keep it going.

  85. Wow. Watched your video many times yesterday and today on Youtube. Your video was shown on our national morning show in Canada. I forwarded it to dear friends. Rob has liver cancer They were so touched. I am praying for you. One thing I know … God ALWAYS brings beauty out of ashes (Isaiah) You know that you have a future … a forever future, despite what happens in the here and now. You have blessed me so much. Carry on. Be blessed. Marisca

  86. Kristian and Rachel – our prayers are with you. Chin up, weather this storm and come what may…your story is a reminder of love and thank you for letting us into your lives.

  87. I am so so touched by all what’s happenning and i over watched the video you’ve made for your lovely wife.. I admire you for your courage and you have to belive in yourself even though it’s so difficult, especially now…
    I send you all my prayers along with my husband’s and we HOPE and we PRAY for you and your familly!

  88. I got connected to your blog because of the birthday video for your wife. It was beautifula and very moving. It’s refreshing to know there are still people with that much love on earth. I wish you get the time and energy to spend lots of quality time with your family. And may be still be here in 10 years beating the odds.

  89. Kris, your story is one heck of one to share, but thank you so much for doing so. My husband too is currently receiving treatment for advanced bowel cancer (aged 38, and diagnosed early July), metastatic to his liver, and is about to begin his third round of chemo. We are hopeful, and he is doing well. We live in QLD and offer you our love, prayers, support and friendship. If ever you need to have a chat to someone who is going through the same thing, please feel free to get in contact. A positive mind can do so much, as hard as it can be sometimes, but know that at the end of the day, after all the numbers, the ups and the downs, you are here right now, and plan on keeping it that way!!!! Thinking of you and your beautiful family, sending you love, strength and hope xoxoxox

  90. Kris, I don’t know you or Rachel and have not had the privilege of meeting either of you (or your children), but my thoughts and prayers go out to all of you. May the path ahead be blessed with happiness and love, and may each and every passing day be more special than the last.

    Hang in there!

    God bless.

  91. Thank you for your strength, beauty and courage. My thoughts and prayers are with you all the way (from Singapore).

  92. Hang in there Kristian! Don’t give up. We’re all praying for you and your wonderful family.

  93. Kristian, you’re truly a warrior. Continue fighting on bravely. Be blessed with good health and unlimited strength. Praying that you and your family would live in abundance of joy and love. 🙂

    Good Luck!

  94. Hi Kristian, Rachel and your two beautiful boys,
    I saw your article in an Australian magazine today and I have just read through some of your blogs and used a box of Kleenex watching your video. I have never personally battled anything that even comes close to cancer but my son who is six has been fighting against severe and uncontrollable epilepsy for the past five years so I can empathise with your families roller coaster journey through the unknown of the medical aspect as well as the constant up and downs of the emotions felt when on an ‘odyssey’.
    I think and I am positive I am not the only one who thinks this, but I think you are one of the bravest, sweetest and most beautiful people in this world. Your honesty in your writing is poigant and awe-inspiring.
    I know it wasn’t your intention for this to become a world wide sensation but God has plans and obviously He sees you as a leader for He would not of chosen this path for you if He didn’t believe in you. He is by your side.
    I have so much I would like to say to you but I am also left speechless (For a change 😀 ) from your video and your blog posts. I admire your strength, your integrity and your passion for fighting. Your wife is one very lucky lady and your two boys are privledged to have you as their father.
    It has been an honour to have you in my home, on my screen and now forever in my heart. Your story, your battle, your life inspires – never forget that.

    Tara – Age 23 from Newcastle NSW

  95. Dear Kris, My daughter and I have only just viewed your video it is truly beautiful. I want you to know that from this day I will pray daily for you Kris I have joined hands in this battle with your family & friends Our God is an Awesome God who reigns over heaven and earth and we shall ask him to reign in your situation. May Gods love and beautiful presence surround you day & night and his light bring healing on the wings of many Angels. Much love Kia Kaha

  96. Dear Kristian,
    Thank you for your honest sharings. I will pray for you, and for your family and may God heal your body completely. No cancer.

    “For I am convinced that neither death nor life … will be able to separate us from the love of God” (Rom 8:38,39).

  97. from one cancer survivor to another… keep your chin up mate! You’ve got a hell of a lot more to live for than I did. You and your family will be in my prayers daily… peace, brother.

  98. Have you heard of this website: http://www.simontoncenter.com/ It is alternative treatment that simply uses your mind to overcome cancer. There is also a book about it. It has helped lots of people I hope it will help you too. God bless, and I will be praying for you and your family.

  99. by the way, as I was reading your other posts and the comments, I thought that maybe why you had cancer, was also for all of us here on your website now, to help each of us get in touch with our humanity. Look at the number of people whom you have touched. God has his plans for you. Keep the faith. God bless!

  100. No need to look for ways to make some kind of lasting impact on your family’s lives going forward so that they remember, god forbid anything negatives comes to pass. YOU ALREADY HAVE. That job is already done. Just concentrate on positive thoughts and energies and keep all hope alive. So long as you have hope, whether you know it or not, you still have everything. Keep making plans for your future. Its what keeps us going forward. All my love and best wishes, and positive thoughts to you and your beautiful beautiful family. You are truly blessed.

  101. Dear Kristian,
    I came across your blog today and it moved me so much, I just wept. You see, my mother is a Stage 4 cancer patient – colon cancer. She was diagnosed with the disease in May 2008. Since then, our lives have revolved around scans, blood tests, chemo sessions. For caregivers like myself, it has been so painful seeing a loved one go through that. Reading your blog just gives me an insight to what might go through my mother’s mind each and every time we await the results of a scan or blood test. I realised today, after a long time, that she probably wishes and hopes for the same thing that you do – to me around when I get married, to always be around to love and support me, dad , my brother and his family.

    Have faith and don’t give up – you and your family will be in my prayers. I ask that God will give you courage to face your fight against this horrible disease. May you be strengthened by the love and support of those around you and most of all, Kristian, I pray that all your wishes come true. God bless you and take care!

  102. Dear Kristian,
    Thank you so much for sharing yourself, your family, your love and your faith to the rest of the world – it means so much to all of us! You are an inspiration to the world. I really don’t have much to say and I may not do very much for you but I will include you and your family in my prayers. May the good Lord bless and keep you and your family always!

  103. If there is a small miracle left somewhere in this world, I pray it finds your family. I add my prayers for you with everyone else who now knows your story.

  104. hi kristian,

    Just recently saw the video that you made for your wife.It was beautiful and it made my heart melt. You have a beautiful wife and 2 wonderful kids.Thank you for sharing your story to all of us. I know it’s hard but i know you can do it! you will win in this battle. Don’t give up! Hold on..You will be in my prayers. GOD BLESS YOU and your family.

    andrea from the philippines

  105. Hi, I have just seen your video message to your beloved wife, Rachel. It was touching. I am a husband who had gone a hard time with my wife. And through those hard times,I loved her more and more just lke you do.

    I believe you and I do not understand why you have cancer. You and I do not understand why you had to go through these difficult time. I pray that through these time, you will find time to talk to Him. Through this time, you and I will find the comfort and peace from Him, just like I do when I am going through those difficult time.

    Whatever it will come, you and I will know that our Almighty God will be providing the strength to go through whatever we need to go through. WHo know that whatever you do through the video message will inspire others, and that is one of the legacy that you will leave to your two sons and your wife. It is love that will strengthen you through the difficult time. It is love that you show will leave a lasting impression and strength to your two sons.

  106. You and your family will be in my thought’s , Kristian. Strength and Love go out to you and yours.

  107. I will pray for you… I am from Bangkok, don’t give up…

  108. Hi Kristian,

    You are in my thoughts & will be in my payers (as i only now discovered your blog). The Lord is good. Don’t lose faith…

  109. don’t give up

  110. You and your family are in my prayers. My mom is undergoing treatment for stage four colon cancer right now as well. Get lots of rest, eat and exercise and love, love, love. Prayers and good thoughts to you always.

  111. hi kristian,

    lovely video you made your wifey, there. 🙂

    wanted to reach out, i’ve cancer, too. i’ve had it since 16 years (i’m 28 now — yeah) and just started up new treatment last friday. chemo, surgery, radiation, chemo, surgery, radiation. same-oh, same-oh. we don’t have the same cancer, but what we do have that’s the same is the impact it has on our lives. rachel is probably heartbroken as my fiance is. your kids are strong yet hate seeing you so weak, as my son does. cancer completely transforms us into people we’re not sure of being. that’s the nasty about it.

    i could offer you condolences and prayers, but it’s not enough. what i can encourage you to do, is meditate. sounds silly and a bit dull but — it has helped me quite a bit. when i need things to slow down or after i’ve had treatments. it keeps me in tune with myself and my healing. so far so good.

    cancer may be ugly, but look on the bright side. it has brought you all of us and we’re here, backing you up.

    if you ever need a friend,


  112. Kristian,
    Please don’t ever stop wishing.
    Don’t ever give up hope.
    You are in my prayers. I know what cancer is like and I feel for you wife, your children, your family and most of all; you.
    Like your blog name you are the light that gets in through the cracks, you just have to find the crack right for you!

  113. Kristian and Rachel….I have been blessed to watch the birthday clip with my youngest son and it has touched both of us deeply. Way down here in New Zealand please know that we are thinking and hoping for your quick recovery. Also know that you are wonderful parents and role models for those gorgeous children. Please accept our love and kindness.

    Janine and Jack. xxx

  114. Kristian,

    The last line of the poem reads… “I wish for many things…. but most of all…. I wish for life.”

    You may not realize it, but you have given us all a sense of life.

    Take care, brother. Feel the love from around the world. You and your family have earned it.

  115. Just letting you know that you & your courageous family are still in my thoughts!

    If you ever want to come to Michigan, USA when you’re better you and your family have a free place to stay!

    Love & best wishes,


  116. I couldn’t help but be touched by your story. I hope and pray that you will find the strength to face each new day and enjoy the simple pleasures of your family. I wrote this prayer when my precious daughter was battling a brain tumour and wanted to share it with you.
    Best wishes

    Prayer From My Heart

    Does anyone understand the pain
    Or feel my absolute despair?
    Except my Heavenly Father
    Because I know He’s always there.

    He feels the aching in my heart
    It’s not something I can hide,
    Because He’s with me constantly,
    Forever at my side.

    There’s no rest from the worry,
    Or so that’s how it seems
    Because when I close my eyes
    It’s still there in my dreams.

    Sometimes when it gets too much,
    The tears begin to flow
    But I don’t need to tell the Lord
    Because He already knows.

    I really need to believe
    That God truly understands
    And that on this painful journey
    He’ll be there to hold my hand.

    But if it gets too much for me
    And I’m struggling with it all
    I’ll bow my head sweet Jesus
    And you will hear me call.

    My eyes will close and I will pray
    “Lord help me to be strong.”
    I’ll see one set of footprints in the sand
    And know that you are carrying me along.

    For now dear Lord my prayer
    Is a very simple one
    “Give me the strength and courage
    To face each day as it comes.”

  117. Prayers from Holland, your faith is incredible, and something a lot of people can draw strength from.

  118. I will keep you in my thoughts.

  119. Wow, your so amazing! I was told about your video and watched it. that has to be one of the most heart warming things I’v seen. I have herd a lot about Vitamin C and cancer. I’m not sure if you have looked into this but it’s worth a try. A guy I talked to had cancer and was not given a very good prognosis, he was treated with high doses of intravenous Vitamin C and melatonin and is still living today! look into it. I wish you all the best! stay strong, NEVER GIVE UP! xoxox NZ

  120. you know, i was really moved by your video for Rachel.

    i would like to leave this with you :

    The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
    (Psalm 34 : 18)

    may God continue to be with you as you go through this.
    God bless.

    Sister in Christ.

  121. Who did not die by the sword dies with other (very old proverb who still living 😉 )

    I pray for your recovery, you deserve life 🙂 don’t worry, be strong 🙂 don’t ever give up 🙂 you may live more than 100 years 🙂 miracles exist 🙂 and cure don’t reside only in medicine it depends in big majority on mental and psychologic health 🙂 and thank to god you have a good mantal and psychologic health and you will fight with your big hart 🙂

    my tant was in dangerous situation, doctors estimates says that she will live for two monthes, she was operated and she turned to home.
    she prepared her husband, her childrens and family for her end, and after 4 month, she is alive ,she called her doctor to have a check up and he was surprised by her case:) that story has 33 year. my tant still having the cancer, she is living with only a vaine in her heart but she is happy with her 14 beautiful Grandson 🙂 the secret was her courage, her faith and big heart 🙂

    Abraham the prophet said : See now that which ye worship ,
    26.76 . Ye and your forefathers!
    26.77 . they are ( all ) an enemy unto me , save the Lord of the Worlds .
    26.78 . Who created me , and He doth guide me ,
    26.79 . And Who feedeth me and watereth me .
    26.80 . And when I sicken , then He healeth me ,
    26.81 . And Who causeth me to die , he giveth me life ( again ) ,
    26.82 . And Who , I ardently hope , will forgive me my sin on the Day of Judgement .

    i hope for you a long, happy and healthy life 🙂
    i hope hearing from you good news soon 🙂
    pray every moment and every day, god listen to you and is waiting to hear your voice;) angels are around you and i will keep you in my mind and my heart 🙂

  122. I’m raising funds for cancer. On the 25th of September, I will participate in a dragon boat race. That day, I will think of you. I will paddle hard for you.

    Keep it up!

  123. Kristian, I like your wife am a partner of someone who has had bowel cancer and we live in Curl Curl as well. Remember that you can come through this with positive thinking and the love of your friends and family. I wish you the best of luck as I received with my husband. Good wishes are flying your way and remember to smile with your kids, they are the ones that will be the biggest smile of all time. PS the staff at Manly Hospital are the best!

  124. Hi Kristian,
    Like so many other people I just saw your beautiful video for your wife and felt compelled to write something. i lost my Mum to the same cancer 5 years ago. She never told anyone how she was feeling emotionally or physically through out her entire battle and for the last 5 years I have carried around the guilt that maybe somehow this was my fault. After reading your blog i finally feel like i have some clarity. Your writing has made me understand what she went through, your words feel like the emotions she could never express. From the bottom of my heart, thank-you, you are an inspiration

  125. Hi Kris and Rachel! just want to share a nice song..

    you are always on my prayers… hope ur getting better each day have faith! and dont give up. everyday is a new beginning.. God bless you and your family… for always..

    hugs and prayers,
    from philippines
    Ires Mae

  126. I just watched the birthday video… and discover your blog. I read the post. You’ll need never give up! It’s the most important thing!!
    6 years ago I have a cancer to, but now I am fine, and everything is ok. That was hard time in my life, but I fight it!
    Cancer may affect a lot of thing, but it can’t stop us to wish! I wish you beautifull moments! and good health!
    Nicol from Hungary

  127. Hello from California.

    I know that you will pull through this and I know that you are scared but you are not alone in this. You have hundreds if not thousands of people all over the world rooting for you and we want to give you our strength and support.

    I don’t know if you’ve considered this, but you could set up a paypal donation for all of us to help in a small way. My uncle had cancer and it took an economic strain on our family and i would love to donate to take some strain off of you.

    stay strong.

  128. Hello from Michigan,

    Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

  129. Kristian, I just wanted to grab you and put my arms around you and your family..to be positive and have faith that things are going yo get better must be incredibly hard. I can’t imagine what you and Rachel are dealing with on a day to day basis. But one thing you have done is through your hardship you have opened up renewed faith in me personaly of such beauty in people like yourself and Rachel. A love and friendship so pure. Why you only god knows that but you are a very special person touching many people.. Your boys will grow up being so proud of you for fighting and learning hope. I pray for you and your family that you beat this disease very soon and that you can spread your pure love and being to anyone you come into contact with you.. Rachel I admire your strength and courage..

  130. Hard to find the words to comfort you and your family. Hard to feel useless behind that suffering.
    I don’t know you, I don’t know your family, but I deeeply feel the love you have for them, and the strengh you’ve got inside you. I just want yo show you my respect and my admiration. As already said, you are a hero, and I’m sure your sons are proud of you (and will always be).
    Be sure, thousands of those who watched your video and read your touching words and poems are praying for you, and so I do:

    May God relieves your pain, shorten your sufferings.
    May your worries disappear forever.
    May your life be long and full of joy, good surprises, and Love.
    May all your wishes and dreams come true.
    May you recover your health, your life, and may the futur be yours.

    Good luck, keep the faith

  131. You will defeat the deasese because you are a very strong Man. If you want something with all your heart, it will inevitably happen. Be sure of yourself! You can work miracles for the sake of future life and for the sake of your family. You will win! You know it!

  132. Hello there thinking of you constantly and praying for you all, May gods love and peace surround you like a cloud, may his strength replace your weakness, may his joy replace your sadness, may his healing power fill your body from head to foot, may his Kingdom Come into your situation right now today. May his arms enfold your family so that the very energy of his presence lifts you all to a new and beautiful place. Be strong lovely family knowing so many out there are thinking of you constantly……love and blessings XXX

  133. Like so many others, word of your birthday video bought me here, I’ve read the whole thing.

    I’ll pray for you, every day.
    May He heal you soon

  134. There isn’t anything I can say that hasn’t already been said; and certainly better than I could say it. Just add me to the lengthy (and expanding) list of well-wishers and those who will keep you in their daily prayers! I am also posting a link to your site on my webpage so that all my family and friends can send you their light and love as well. Be blessed and loved. Stay strong – you are all in my prayers & thoughts!

  135. Kristian, Rachel and beautiful boys,

    I am utterly gutted by your story but am utterly amazed at your strength. I just watched Rachels birthday video and cried so much it actually hurt my throat. So much surely can’t go to waste so soon – you have so much to give each other and the world.

    I wish a miracle for you all and send you love, strength and courage.


  136. I wish that your wishes come true, for you and your family. Your video for Rachel was beautiful. Sending you love and hugs and good luck!

  137. Kristian and family,
    I’m so sorry I think I messed up yestreday in my post to you, I didn’t realise the link would show as it did on the page, I’m not used to such things so please accept my apology.
    I am currently undergoing treatment for stage 4 bowel cancer with a mestatis in the liver so I can relate to much of what you say. I hold you and your family in my thoughts and prayers, and wish for you, all the strength and endurance you need to find within to get through this. It is a long road, and it is hard, with continual demands to find new strengths beyond places you have reached before. I wish you well through all of this,
    Judith McGuinness (UK)

  138. Kristian Rachel & boys,

    Your family is in my thoughts and prayers. Kristian, reading about your faith in this blog has been so increadibly inspirationl to me. I pray that the Lord carries you through this difficult time and that you and your family are comforted by His awesome love.

    with love, hope and prayers,

  139. I know it has all been said, but you can’t have too many prayers! I pray with all my heart that you fight this. I pray for your family and friends too. Cancer doesnt just affect one person, it affects many. I pray for you too Rachel. you are just as remarkable. Stay strong. Lots of love xxx

  140. Continuing prayers from Rich and I 🙂

  141. Hey kristian,God and your loved ones are by yourside,I’m 22 and becoming a nurse in a few months and all I can say is you are a strong person,whatever happens,my prayers are for you and your family.

  142. je suis sans voix je ne sais que dire un tel amour ,une telle force ne peuvent passer inaperçu ton courage et ta volanté de combattre font de toi un homme exceptionnel!je prie pour toi du fond du coeur ne baisse jamais les bras car rien n’est à jamais perdu que la bonté de dieu t’entour et que sa volanté s’associe a la tienne pour te donner une longue et heureuse vie!courage adorable papa et ne perd jamais ta foie

  143. I wish you could have all those things you wish for..

  144. In the words of billie joe – “another turning point a fork stuck in the road, time grabs you by the wrist directs you where to go, so make the best of this test and don’t ask why, it’s not a questino but a lesson learned in time, it’s something unpredicatable , but in the end that’s right – I hope you had the time of your life.” May all your wishes come true

  145. Just running to stand still.

    And so she woke up
    Woke up from where she was lying still
    Said I gotta do something about where we’re going
    Step on a steam train
    Step out of the driving rain
    Maybe run from the darkness in the night
    Singing ha, ah la la la de day
    Ah la la la de day
    Ah la la de day

    Sweet the sin
    Bitter, the taste in my mouth
    I see seven towers
    But I only see one way out
    You got to cry without weeping
    Talk without speaking
    Scream without raising your voice
    You know I took the poison from the poison stream
    Then I floated out of here
    Singing ha la la la de day
    Ha la la la de day
    Ha la la de day


    She runs through the streets with her eyes painted red
    Under a black belly of cloud in the rain
    In through a doorway
    She brings me white gold and pearls
    Stolen from the sea she is raging, she is raging
    And the storm blows up in her eyes
    She will suffer the needle chill
    She’s running to stand still

  146. Christian, you have such a wonderful spirit, so rich and ripe and wise. Your love for your beautiful and courageous wife Rachel leaves me speechless and the example of perseverance in the face of such an immense challenge and adversity that you are setting for your sons is invaluable. In them you are creating two wonderful men – women of the world need more of you. I wish for you and your beautiful family a miracle beyond your wildest imagination, dreams and requests. I wish for you all a future together filled with the true essence of LIFE on all levels and I pray for your healing. Nothing is impossible when we truly believe and trust. Let every breath you take be one Healing Power and let every one you blow be the release of the dis-ease into oblivion.

  147. I would like to thankyou for your faith. I have had your blog in my favourite for quite sometime now and follow it every now and then. and everytime i do it never ceases to inspire me.

    I know you probably get told that all the time, but i also know it never is a comment taken for granted. Because we all like to inspire people – to be greater, to become closer to God, to have more faith.

    I am 18 and was diagnosed with Acute Lymphoblastic Leukaemia in 2009 when i was 17 so to an extent i can relate to your struggles.

    Please let me encourage you that God is already using your story to inspire thousands and that even if you dont feel like you can be made beautiful -this is how i felt, that emotionally and spiritually i was completely unfixable at one point- that He CAn and WILL make all things beautiful in his time. and no matter how much at times it feels like he has left you, he has sent you your beautiful family to stand beside you and keep running this marathon with you.

    My treatment has been going for 1.5years and goes for another 1.5yrs but it much less intense than it was for the first 9months. I know the emotional drain and the desperation for some light at the end of the tunnel only to recieve none. I was overjoyed to read that you are getting a break from chemo for a little while. So overjoyed i had tears of joy for you!

    May you have the most wonderful time with your family. i know you will. enjoy every precious second. May God continue to be with you and may you always know his love for you and that he will never leave you nor forsake you. He does love you. you are so precious to him.

    Thankyou for sharing your story. Please dont ever hesitate to contact me if youd like to hear more of mine.

    With much love and Gods richest blessings,

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