“And you asked me what I want this year
And I’ll try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days
‘Cause I don’t need boxes wrapped in strings
Or designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we’ll find better days”
Better days indeed.
December 2010 has been full of them and I am incredibly grateful.
On December 9th I had my first post SIR blood test. The test showed that not only was my liver functioning perfectly after the radioactive blast, it also showed that after only 4 weeks my cancer markers had decreased significantly…. by 65%, in fact. On top of that, it was decided that I should have a 3 month break from chemotherapy while the radiation continued to do it’s thing. I nearly cried at the sound of both of these bits of information… particularly the chemo rest. I have endured 13 months of chemo non-stop and I was finding it very difficult emotionally. To think that I might have a Christmas where I wasn’t flat on my back, staring at the ceiling and drifting in and out of consciousness was just the best news I’d had in a long time. I get to be semi-normal this Christmas and so far it feels pretty good.
On December 13th, Rachel and I went to see U2 in Sydney. We had been given access to ‘Red Zone’ tickets by a friend of mine and when it came time to pay for them I was told not to worry. These were not inexpensive tickets… not by a long shot… and yet they were given with a smile and a hug.
On December 14th we had the privilege of attending the Oprah Winfrey show at the Sydney Opera House, which was pretty cool and a few days later Rachel’s parents arrived from New Zealand for a visit and we were able to get away to Port Stephens on the north coast for some time in the sun.
Right now Rachel is wrapping the last of the kids Christmas presents. They’re in bed sleeping soundly after a big day and I’m sure I’ll be following soon. The radiation still makes me very tired for most of the day. They weren’t kidding when they said I’d be tired like never before. I’ve certainly never experienced anything quite like it. But it’s ok.. it means the radiation is working.
So much amazing stuff has happened to us this month (some I can’t talk about yet, you’ll have to wait and see) that most of the time I’m having to stop and check if it is really actually happening.
I see such momentum building. A kinetic energy that is near unstoppable because it has the force of Heaven behind it. I don’t understand the way things are unfolding but I can clearly see the hand of God in all of it… and even though I know it to be true, sometimes I still can’t quite believe it.
I don’t know how to pray a holy prayer or how to conduct myself before Almighty God. I swear sometimes. If you cut me off in traffic I’ll probably flip you the bird. And if you threaten my wife or kids I’ll probably give you a black eye. I’m a walking contradiction.
But despite all of my character flaws (and yes, there are many), God has been answering my cry for help… almost daily. Long before I knew what kind of help I needed, He had already set the wheels in motion. Like a trail of dominoes carefully laid out, things are falling into place one after the other with such precision and timing that at times I have to pinch myself.
Everyday I see God keeping his promises to me. Not in a way I would ever have expected, but still so far and above what I could even imagine. All of this is just the start. You’re going to see something miraculous take place here… I can feel it. In fact, I’d bet my life on it. You’re going to witness the God of Heaven reach into my life and do something that’s never been seen before. Not because I’m special. I’ve already told you I’m not…. but because of his compassion and mercy… because of his great love for me.
You’re going to see it and you’re going to know…. He did it.