Oncology (and other black arts)

Today has been a pretty bad day.

I went up to the hospital to see my Oncologist for the first time since my bowel surgery and, to be honest, was expecting good news. I mean, the bowel cancer was now gone and the liver cancer had been served an eviction notice by the SIR procedure so in theory it should have been smiles.

It wasn’t.

Surprise, disappointment, shock….. not what we expected at all.

My CEA markers have jumped from 600-ish to 2890. That’s almost a 500% increase. My CA19.9 has also jumped from 72 back to 112. So, apart from the overwhelming feeling of crushing defeat I was feeling I was also wondering how on earth it happened. I’m asking everyone I know who might know something but nobody can give me an answer. It could be this, or this, or that, we don’t know. But whatever it is it’s definitely a shock to everyone involved.

My biggest concern…. what if it has spread to another part of my body?

So, forward from here? I start a new treatment regime in 2 weeks on a drug called Erbitux. It’s supposed to be an amazing drug. Another in the Biologic realm rather than chemical. It’s main side effect is an acne like rash in all the places one would normally get acne, so I’m probably going to regress 20 years and start looking like some pizza faced teenager over the coming weeks and months. Just wonderful.

Over the past 6 weeks I feel like I have been dropped into a fight circle and no matter which way I turn I am being pumelled from all sides. I turn one direction…. whack….. turn the other direction….. whack. I just don’t seem to be able to get a break from the constant hammering of scalpels, needles, stitches, staples, drugs…. the list goes on… seemingly forever.

And of course the fact that nobody can shed any light on the reasons why my markers have jumped so severely means that once again our lives go into an indefinite holding pattern.

I swear… if cancer was a person right now I would snap it’s neck. I feel so robbed, so cheated. I am trying so hard here. I am doing everything I am told to do…. regardless of what it does to my body and my mind. They say, I do. There’s no question…. and if, for the tiniest of milliseconds, my mind forgets then my heart quickly steps up and fills the gap.

Why?

Rachel.

Cody.

Jakob.

Son of David…. Jesus… have mercy. I don’t know how much more I can take.

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~ by Kristian Anderson on February 11, 2011.

67 Responses to “Oncology (and other black arts)”

  1. My friend that I’ve never met I am deeply saddened by your news…. I wish I could jump in the ring with you and beat down all things that come your way but I can not:( Just know that I do pray for you and your family…. I do know that one day real soon you will win this fight for your life that you are in, just know that you are not alone….. My love and prayers for your Battle….

  2. Oh Kristian. My heart dropped a beat today when I read your post. This fight is so hard and never ending. My husband started this Tuesday with Erbitux instead of the Avistan he has been receiving for the past eighteen months. We are praying like you that this might be a turning point. I will update you on how he handles this new drug. As yet no noticeable side effects. We recently had treatment at Warrnambool Hospital while on holidays and for the first time my husband was given Dexamethazone and Kytril tablets to take for the two days following treatment and they have helped with his fatigue tremendously. Do you take these.

    Love,best wishes and prayers to you Rachel and the boys.

    Gail

  3. Stay strong my friend you have a lot to live for, your beautiful wife and two wonderful sons.
    I know its a hard fight and has been a long battle, but a worth while one.
    My younger brother lost his battle aged 40 almost 18 years ago after two operations to remove a large brain tumor but he caught a virus and we lost him so I understand your pain
    God is with you.

  4. Mate, I am so so sorry to hear your news. Cancer is just ….. perhaps I shouldn’t swear here! But it is. I hate it. I hate how it turns our lives upside down and inside out. I really really hate the uncertainty of it, the lack of trust we now have in our bodies. Its just not fair.

    My markers kept creeping up with the strongest chemo they could give me – so I guess I was lucky when they said they would cut it out. But for me, it was the best option for chemo for me – so my worry is if it comes back, will it grow as fast and obviously what if they can’t operate (the chemo didn’t do anything – mine went from 2cm to 7cm in 2 months with chemo).

    But hey, who knows why your markers are going up. It could be the meds you are on are giving off weird numbers too. Its great to hear they are trying another drug (I know, you get sick of having to take drugs all the time – but hey, it may just be the one to work).

    I know there are lots of down days and I know you will be feeling that way today. I can’t pick you back up – but you will do that over the next few days yourself. You are strong. You have someone who will carry you when you can’t walk. Trust in Him.

    Much love and warm wishes sent to you from Nth Queensland.

  5. Upon reading this I felt compelled to literally fall to my knees and lift you up before God. Love and prayers from Arkansas, USA. Praying for your health and your family.

  6. To say I felt disappointed with you is an understatement. And I can put all kinds of words of encouragement here. Fact is you’re human. You’re allowed to feel disappointed and upset and mad. As long as you don’t give up and don’t give in, you are allowed all those emotions. An 18 year old child taught me last night that a lot of bad things will cross my way. Things will happen, life won’t be easy. But the choice of how I handle it lies in my hands. I can choose to finally just give up or I can choose to keep on fighting. I know this might not mean much if anything at all but I’ll fight this with you. I’ve been following your blog for quite a while now and each time I see a reminder in my inbox that you have written something my heart skips a beat. How can one care so much for a stranger? Because in God’s eyes we’re all brothers and sisters. So know, you’re not alone in your fight and even though I’m not ill with you I can pray and be mad and upset with you. And you’re right, you have three absolutely amazing and worthwhile reasons to keep fighting this. Just never give up.

  7. I pray for your peace and health.

  8. Oh no! I am so sorry to hear those bad news. I am praying, praying, praying for you Kristian. Like the vast army of your friends around the globe, I wish I could do more. But I can do this. I am praying.
    Anne from Tacoma, state of Washington.

  9. Praying for you daily. I pray for strength, health, healing, peace and joy. Every day for you.

  10. I keep checking to see how you are doing. I was saddened to hear about the latest setback. I do pray it is only a setback. My thoughts and prayers have continually been with since seeing the birthday message you did for your lovely wife. God is good and please don’t give up. You don’t know how many you may be helping by just hanging in there, including your family. Prayers go with you and your family.

  11. Such horrible news…I immediately said a prayer for you. Hold on, my friend…don’t give up! Thousands of people the whole world over are praying for you!

    Wendy in Orlando, Florida

  12. Keep believing, Kristian!!! I’m praying for you and your family.

  13. Like many people who post comments here, you do not know me. I heard about you via an old classmate who is a facebook friend of your mum’s, and I have been following your story. Today I found myself thinking about you very strongly and wondering how you were doing, so I looked up your blog again and saw your bad news. I am so very sorry to hear it.

    I was moved to write (I never do this type of thing) because my way is to try and offer ideas about what to DO, in a concrete way. You obviously have an extremely strong and powerful faith. I would like to suggest that you try and use some of that amazing inner strength and belief that you possess, to try visualisation to help vanquish the tumours and strengthen your immune system. I don’t mean to sound kooky (I am a research scientist who did a postdoc in oncology, and I also survived breast cancer 10 years ago), but it has been shown that visualisation can increase effective immune cells to fight cancer. When I had breast cancer, I found books by Bernie Siegel, with his methods for coping and visualising to fight the disease, to be very helpful. Visualisation involves imagining the tumours to be shrinking (or crashing and burning like a Borg vessel on Star Trek Voyager, which was my personal image) (oops, probably uncool to admit to being a Trekkie on an international website… ), and visualising your healthy numerous white blood cells fighting the tumours, and the medicine you are taking halping all that along. ‘Love, Medicine and Miracles’ is just one of these books; there are several. Dr Siegel appears to be a committed Christian, so you should find his ideas compatible with those you already hold.
    But you asked what you could do, and this is something you can do to make it feel like you are taking charge in the battle, not so much suffering blows of fate. Please don;t think I mean that phrase negatively, I am very admiring of your faith and strength, and just feel that this powerful tool you have could be channeled in an effective way to fight the disease yourself, not merely suffer what is thrown your way.
    I do hope I have not upset or offended you with any of this.
    Thinking of you and wishing you well
    Samantha, Singapore (originally South Africa)

  14. I am so sorry! I’ve been praying for your recovery. I would really like to send you a sample of frankincense essential oil. There have been many studies on the aid of killing cancer cells. Please let me help you!

  15. Praying that God’s presence will be so real to you today. Continuing to pray for healing and strength that only He can provide. Your strength and courage is remarkable. It is present even when you don’t realize it.

    “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9

  16. I am thinking of you, friend, and sending Healing Energy. I’ve lived with a condition for 46 years and it’s nothing compared to your present Fight. But I do know this: Tell it every morning when you rise that it won’t beat you today, or any other. Keep believing, seeing pink healthy tissue throughout your brain, body and Soul. We are all with you in Spirit…

  17. Sorry to hear the news bro. Cancer is a nasty SOB that beats you while you are on the ground. We continue to pray for you guys.
    J & H.

  18. You live thousands of miles away and yet you are ever in my thoughts and prayers…

  19. Keep on believing. Keep on hoping. Keep on trusting in Jesus, Kristian!

    Praying for you and your family,

    Aussie Monica living in Toronto Canada

  20. Don’t Quit
    (one the most classic motivational poems)

    When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
    When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill;
    When the funds are low, and the debts are high;
    And you want to smile, but you have to sigh;
    When care is pressing you down a bit
    Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

    Success is failure turned inside out;
    The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
    And you can never tell how close you are;
    It may be near when it seems afar.
    So, stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit –
    It’s when things go wrong that you mustn’t quit.

    Christian,
    you are such an inspiration; I was disappointed to hear your news today, however, know that there are thousands of people who are rooting for you, and a God that loves you and will help you fight the good fight until you have persevered! Love and well wishes to you and your family.

  21. Sorry, I misspelled your name. God bless you Kristian.

  22. I too am on my knees lifting you up to our Savior. Believe in His miracles and His love for you, Rachel, Cody, and Jacob! He is right there holding you and His plan is perfect-trust Him! We love you and send many hugs and prayers, Bill & Kari

  23. Kristian, I am so sorry to read this. You may have asked/wondered how it is that people all over the world have come to read your blog and be lead to pray for you. Or perhaps you haven’t wondered, because you know. Jesus is in control. It is evident in every word you write and in the responses you get. You have touched people all over the world for His glory. You are in my prayers. Sometimes they are as simple as yours – God, help. He does and He will.

    I will echo the recommendation of Dr. Siegel’s books. When my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, her doctor gave her chemo and a copy of Love, Medicine, and Miracles. Read it.

    You and your family are loved.

  24. Kristian, I am so sorry. My heart is so sore when I read this blog. Keep on believing. Your story has touched so many people, and we are all praying for you. Please don’t give up. Kia kaha (be strong in Maori). God bless you and family.

  25. “How can one care so much for a stranger? Because in God’s eyes we’re all brothers and sisters. So know, you’re not alone in your fight” (said somewhere on your blog) Some of the truest words typed…..we all lift you up and keep you and your family in our prayers…..continue to stare that horrid cancer monster down. And always look to God from all blessings flow. Prayers, prayers and more prayers are prayed for you.
    The Grandma from America (North Carolina) with non-hodgkins lymphoma

  26. Dearest Cousin,
    Think back so many years ago to sitting on the front doorstep of Uncle Garry’s with your 2nd cousin being introduced to our wonderful Jesus.
    For all these many years I have kept you in my heart. I reach out to you again glad to know you still love our soul-lover.
    In those moments when you can no longer hold on, we will hold you. When you can no longer believe, we will step in and believe for you. When all your faith and ability to pray has diminished in exhaustion and the overwhelming darkness, know we will have faith and pray for you.
    Even when you can no longer, Jehovah Jireh will cover your needs. Here you have read only a small portion of the remnant who will stand where you fall. All you need to do is Be in Jesus.
    Rest in Him and He will be the strength you need.
    I know – He has been and is for me. When that darkness overwhelms He will set you free, only lift your chains, He holds the key. (and if you have no more strength to do even that, I and all those who love you, will lift them for you)
    Be released to rest. The battle is the Lord’s and you do not stand alone.
    May the Spirit of Comfort, the Eternal, sacrificial Love, and all the Power of all Creation fall on you and carry you in a wave of healing.
    – And the greatest of these is Love. AMEN

    • I remember that day…. I don’t remember how old I was but I can see it as clear as anything in my mind right now. Thank you for reminding me.

  27. Kristian..So sorry to read this news. Remain the strong beautiful person you are even with this horible news! You can still beat this and you will absolutely with positive thinking. I had breast cancer stage 3 and every day I am positive. (not that I don’t cry now and then about it) I say to myself or out loud at least 10X a day during my shower, while I sit in the sauna, during my 30 minute walk (doesn’t have to be all at once) I could actually feel my body tingle and heal each time I say this.

    I loving forgive and release all of the past
    I choose to fill my world with joy
    I love and approve myself
    Everyday in Everyway I am getting better and better

    Your mind and soul can heal you
    I sit in a far infrared sauna 60 minutes a day at 130 even during my chemo. We bought one and have it in our basement. I totally beleve in my sauna for healing and killing those cancer cells. It boosts your immune system also. A friend of mine recommeded it too me. He was given 2 months to live. He didn’t do chemo or radiation. (he did have some lymph nodes under his arm removed) He sat in a far infrared sauna daily and had vitamin c injections. He has been cancer free for 8 years now. It’s all about your immune system and your mind. That’s what I believe. And I love my sauna I even talk to it when I sit in it. I tell it to work kill those cells. And it did:) I’m praying for you. Please do not give up. Do what you believe in and believe in it.
    You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. You will do this. You will do this.

    I’m sure you heard this but just in case…no caffeine, no alcohol, no white stuff(sugar, pasta, flour), no meat or seafood and no dairy. This was real hard for me but I did it. Eat your veggies, sweet potatoes, green tea decaf, lots of water 1/2 your body weight in ounces.

    Take care..Love and hugs to you and your beautiful family

  28. So sorry to hear that news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

  29. I don’t know you, but a friend told me about your blog. I am so sorry for your news. I can’t say I know what it feels like to be in your shoes, but my mom was, and I was by her side every step of the way.

    I don’t know much (not trying to be Linda Ronstandt here), but I do know that cancer can take a lot of things away from you, but there is so much it can’t take.

    And it can never take your precious family from you or the memories you make with them. I will see my mom again someday.

    I will hope and pray for you and yours.

  30. Kristian, my thoughts & prayers are with you. I lost my father to cancer at an early age, so I know the beast that cancer can and will be all too well. Stay strong! Keep thinking of your lovely wife and children…the ones we love sustain us.

    Fondly,
    Alison

  31. Dear Kristian,

    Like the thousands of people who have posted to your blog, I wish I could offer some words of comfort or inpspiration, but I can’t. For it is you, and your illness, that has been given to us to comfort and inspire.

    Thank you, Kristian.

  32. Dear Heavenly Father,

    I thank this brother who have moved so many people with his strong spirit to overcome the odds. Father we know that this is not your will for us and You have been fighting alongside Kristian through these days in this battle with cancer. Lord, cancer is but a name – in Jesus’ name i pray that sickness leave Kristian’s body and we believe in the miracles that will come upon him. Let his body function in perfection for You have taken our sickness upon the cross. Let his eyes not waiver from what You have done on the cross, that he and his family will find peace and comfort amidst this turmoil. Heal him like You have healed me, slowly but surely. In Jesus’ name I pray, AMEN.

  33. We don’t know each other, but we are all in this world together.
    I am so saddened to hear of your struggle.
    wishing you peace.
    All the Love in the Universe,
    Marie

  34. God bless XX

  35. Hi Kristian. I am so sorry to hear about your setback. I have no idea what it’s like to be you right now. I can only say that I am thinking of you and sending you every wish for peace, grace and hope in times like these.

    I’m sure you get all kinds of advice…health-wise, logical stuff, and spiritual. I don’t know what kind of time you have for reading, or if you’d even be interested in this book, but if you get a chance to check out Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch, I really recommend it. It’s non-denominational – more philosophical/spiritual…something that was recommended to me when I was going through some things. Might help…might be inspirational or maybe not for you, but just a thought. It’s the kind of book that gets you thinking when there’s so many questions out there about what the heck is going on when life keeps hitting you around.

    Anyway, I’m thinking of you and your family. Take care and keep on keeping on!

    Cheers

    Angela

  36. Kristian….Your courage, determination and honesty gives me strength. You are not alone in this fight. We are all with you and sure as the sun rises we will continue to walk with you in this life challenge. Thinking, praying and sending much love and continued strength….claudia

  37. Kristian I do not know what to write. I can not imagine what you are going through. With my heart surgury if God was going to take me home I had to trust that He would take care of my family. The burden had to be His for my shoulders were not strong enough to cope with it as well as fight to stay alive. For some reason I am upon this earth still to forfil the purpose God has for me. I know you have cast the burden to him I know you pray and I know you believe. All these people who posted have given you encouragement which I know you are strengthend by. If you do go home to be with Jesus He will look after your family in their grief and strengthen them to live life. Be content that you and your family are in His hands. I do ask God that He will remove this cancerous yoke (ie. burden) from your shoulders and give you peace. Whether it be in healing or going home to be with Him. Either way it is in His control.
    All the best to you and your family in Christ
    Brett Harvey

  38. Heavenly Father, I lift up this young man and his family. Please, Lord, let it be Your will that he be healed, that both he and his wife receive the comfort and strength that only You can provide, and that You continued to be gloried in the lives of this exceptional family.

  39. I’m so sorry. As far as I’m concerned, Cancer is a load of crap and I lost my father to it some years ago.
    Be strong – you have some very good reasons to remain positive (your family).

  40. A tear is shed today in Austin, Texas for this disappointing news. Please take strength in knowing you are inspiring people around the globe and those people are sending energy your way for a full recovery.

  41. Kristian, we haven’t spoken in over 30 years, since the last time I helped babysat you and Jeremy. Your were 6 I think, I was about 12. We’re second cousins, or something like that I think. Your Mum’s Mum (Nancy) and my Grandma (Estelle Sampson) were half sisters… or so the family tree goes.

    i grew up loving your Mum and Dad and whenever I look at your picture I see your Dad’s eyes. I can even hear his laugh, funny how memories work.

    I live in the USA, so we’re thousands of miles apart, but I think of you and your precious family every day. My son, Joshua, turned 2 this week, so I know what it means to love your son(s) more than a heart can contain. It helps me keep you constantly lifted up in prayer.

    I’m putting your family photo on our fridge, but I well up with tears whenever I see it, and the only prayer I can get out is “Mercy, Lord, have Mercy, Your beautiful, life-giving, eternal mercy.” It was His mercy that sent His Son to us, His mercy was purposed to give us life. That’s what I keep reminding God.

    So just know there’s one more person lifting you up, always, thru my nights, as I’m still up a lot with Joshua who doesn’t know that he’s old enough to sleep thru the night yet 😀

    We love you, your wife, your sons.

    Beth, Jon & Joshua Nixon
    (My parents are Garry & Betty Coleman)

  42. Heavy heart in Seattle….but such words of truth and hope I read in all the comments….valuing the Body of Christ and the power that comes from our collective whispered prayers. Trusting in His perfect will for you and that it includes complete healing. Praying for all four of you that you would be granted much peace and comfort as you continue to move forward! Mercy…Lord Jesus….mercy.

  43. I have no words of advice or useful suggestions and for that I am very sorry. You and you family are in my thoughts daily.

  44. The only thing I can say to you is… God is sovereign

    Romans 5:1-5
    Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

    Much prayers.

  45. My partner (34 years old) had a liver resection on Valentines day (liver mets from bowel cancer), a month ago we were told we had a one percent chance of ever getting to surgery. The plan was to cut out half the tumors in one surgery, have chemo, then go in again. They opened him up and found only 1 tiny tumor where before there were 11 covering his whole liver. He has been on Erbitux for the past few months. I am no doctor, but it seems to me that Erbitux is a pretty powerful drug. We’re not out of the woods yet by any means but I want to wish you all the luck and success that we seem to have had with Erbitux.

  46. Kristian, I check in often – my heart dropped when I read your post, but only because I can feel the hurt and disappointment,not because I don’t think there is great hope. I know that God watches over us, especially in these dark and difficult times . I can feel of your strong faith and although this time is so very difficult I pray that you will be lifted up, that you will feel the comfort and love that our Saviour has for you and your precious family. Praying for you and your sweet family daily ~

  47. Hi Kristian, I have been checking in on you through your site, but not posting often because I didn’t want to bother you. However, I just wanted to send a post again now because I am sad that you and your family are sad from the recent news. I DO believe that God is not going to give up on you and that the news can turn around to the positive! I DO believe that there is still so, so much hope that the numbers will be better again! You are helping so many people and doing God’s work so eloquently and bravely, and I continue to be amazed by you and your family! We are all praying for you and will keep praying! You have made our world happily smaller and closer and more loving and more in tune with God! Know how much we love you and your family, and know,again, that we are in no way giving up. Together, all of us on your blog will pray and that works =)
    With much love, MaryK. S. from New Jersey, U.S.A.

  48. Oh stink. many have put it far more eloquently than that I know.

    PS although comments are not allowed on the latest blog, well spoken.

  49. Very well spoken on your more recent post. Please do not waste any more of your time on the idiots who know nothing about what you, your family and the doctors are doing each and every day to get you better. My thoughts and prayers continue to be with all of you.

  50. Stay strong and keep fighting
    Dont listen to the idiots you spoke about in your most recent post
    You are an amazing man and you will get through this
    Just keep your chin up and be positive about the next day

    I know it will probably sound silly to you, why would you want to take advie from a 15 year girl like me?
    But I can see that you’re a fighter
    Not just that…
    You’re a survivor

    Give my love to your family
    And I hope everything takes a turn for the better soon

  51. Kristian, our family are praying for yours! May God show you His mercy and His Majesty and make His face shine upon you! Be strong, it is tough not to let all the negative people influence us, but we know that our fight is not against flesh and blood, but against principalities. Thank God He has given us a Spirit of Power, Love and a Sound Mind, so we know the truth!

    Be blessed!

  52. Kris, You’re an inspiration to the rest of us. Have we got your courage? I’m sure most of us wish we did. I featured your story in my blog. I hope you get a chance to have a look and I’d love to hear your reactions. I wish you every success with your treatment Neil Killion (author of ‘Life Cycles’)

  53. Hi. Thanks for your blog. I sometimes feel bad reading it, coz it’s like a window into a stranger’s world… It’s like I’m invading.
    Thanks too for your most recent post. I can’t begin to imagine how tough it must be not only to go through what you’re all going through, but at the same time have to deal with people telling you a whole bunch of utter … um … rubbish. I find it annoying and it’s not even to me.
    I am not a quack, and therefore am not in a position to give advice like, ‘try squirting pureed gooseberry into your ears’, or, ‘a headstand a day…’ and so on. However, I was struck by your line at the end of this post: “Son of David…” It immediately reminded me of a song that I heard often when growing up (I guess my parents must have liked it…) and all I can remember is this refrain, “Son of David, have pity on me, Son of God, hear my plea, Lord. Son of David have pity on my, listen to my plea.” I’ve just found a snippet of it online and it sounds even more 80s than I remember. There was something curiously reassuring (I’m not sure that’s quite the right word, but I can’t think of a better one) about the pleas though. But I guess that’s what we can do in a situation like this. Keep coming back to Him.
    I’m praying that the light keeps getting in. God’s light, that is, not some quasi-spiritual superbeam from space that’ll zap everything. Though I’m guessing you wouldn’t mind a couple of posters here getting zapped by the odd stray superbeam. If I’m one of them, I apologise – feel free to imagine that I’m a watermelon and you happen to be armed with a baseball bat.

    Knowing the promise which we’ve both been given, we will doubtless meet one day (though it’s fairly unlikely to be this side of judgment, given our respective locations) at which point I may enquire whether or not I became a watermelon in your mind.

  54. I wanted to tell you that you have played an important part in the lives of one couple that you will likely never meet. I somehow came across your birthday tribute to your wife, and I was so moved by it that I wanted to play it for my partner of almost 3 years. When we watched it together, something changed. We started talking about marriage immediately after that, and this past December we were married in our home, with our closest friends and family. There was something so moving and deeply beautiful about your commitment in your marriage that made us both realize that was what we wanted. We are very happy, and think of you often. I send loving thoughts and positive energy to you and your family as you walk this path together. God bless.

  55. Kristian I can only imagine your pain. I was one of Oprah’s Ultimate Viewers who were in Australia with her and saw you and your beautiful Wife. Your courage and strength have touched us all. I have posted your blog on our private site to let the Ultimate Viewers contact you. We are praying for you all over this world. It seems there are no words. Just know that we care and I am sending positive thoughts and prayers from Nova Scotia, Canada. God Bless.

  56. Well, son, I’ll tell you:
    Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
    It’s had tacks in it,
    And splinters,
    And boards torn up,
    And places with no carpet on the floor —
    Bare.
    But all the time
    I’se been a-climbin’ on,
    And reachin’ landin’s,
    And turnin’ corners,
    And sometimes goin’ in the dark
    Where there ain’t been no light.
    So boy, don’t you turn back.
    Don’t you set down on the steps
    ‘Cause you finds it’s kinder hard.
    Don’t you fall now —
    For I’se still goin’, honey,
    I’se still climbin’,
    And life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.
    -Langston Hughes

    Kristian don’t give up. This was one of my favorite poems. My mom recited it to me quite often when things seemed insurmountable for our family. I recite it to myself sometimes…when I can remember the words. MS sometimes rob me of it. You haven’t lost the battle and you are giving it all you have. Keep doing that and know that you have an entire world praying for you. I was in Australia with Oprah when I heard of your story. I cried so much that people all around me started handing me tissue. Your story and your country helped to heal me. Thank You. Now don’t you give up now!!! You have miles to go before you sleep.

  57. Hi Kristian –

    Though we didn’t get the chance to meet, I was part of Oprah’s “American” audience in Australia in December and I was so moved by your story and your lovely video to your wife. I know there are no words to help you go forward, but I wanted to let you know we’re thinking of you over here in America and are sending every single positive vibe we can find your way! Be ready for 302 comments on your blog. 🙂

    All the best,
    Kelly

  58. Pray, pray, pray! God is the answer. Please be strong!

  59. Kristian,

    We are praying for you. We with the American Audience in Australia and saw your story. You are amazing! Your family is amazing! Keep fighting. I hate canceer…it took my brother….keep fighting…keep fighting…keep fighting. You are worth it, don’t let your self ever doubt that. God bless you and your family. He will lay his healing hand on you.

    Jerry a

  60. I too was an Ultimate Viewer in the audience at the Oprah show. We were all so touched with your story of love and courage. Sending thoughts and prayers your way. Keep fighting for your beautiful family.

    Trish

  61. Kristian,
    I do not know you personally, but I was one of the lucky 302 that Oprah brought with her to Australia. I have thought of you and your family so often. Reading your blog brings me to tears. Not from the difficulty of your struggle, but from the beauty in which you write your story. Some day you can publish this into a book and show it to your grandchildren when you are old and gray. You can tell your wee grandbabies of the bitter sweet times you had as a young man and how you overcame it. Kristian, you are truly an inspiration. I wish you much health and happiness.

    Meghan

  62. I’m one of the 302 Americans in the audience that day at Oprah. There are no words that are adequate to respond to questions so profound. I am and have been praying for your family.

  63. Hello Kristian, may I please offer my prayer to you for God to give you peace and understanding if it be his will!. I have been a “caregiver” for 30+ years. I have many life/death experiences and the most Valuable lesson I learned was ‘THE QUALITY OF LIFE YOU LIVE’ IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE QUANTITY OF LIFE! You have a loving family that you want to be with as long as you can please consider your quality of life in your daily interactions with them. You will be happier and more at peace with yourself. With love and commpassion I send to you my wish for you to have “PEACE”!

  64. Dearest Kritian, I am another “stranger” since we have not met; however, we are bound together by prayer now. I am one of the chosen Ultimate Viewers that Oprah invited to Australia and got to hear your story. It is a privilege to be let into your circle of concerned “friends” since the more of us praying, the better. Although our words won’t cure this nasty disease, maybe they can help give you strength to keep pushing through it. I know you won’t give up since the love of your family is the driving force! I am so, so sorry for the pain, fear, and uncertainty you feel…please hold on to hope!

  65. Dear Kristian, As a part of Oprah’s Ultimate Viewer Audience I received a great gift. The gift of getting to know your inspirational story. Speaking for all 302 of us, I can tell you we were deeply moved. Not because of your misfortune, but because of your strength. You have changed the world with your story. We are praying for you and your wife and children. Be at peace in the knowledge that you are making a difference and you are an example to all those going through immense struggles…we are fortunate to have you on this planet showing us a better way. With much love and light…

  66. Remember what God said “For I am the Lord your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you Do not fear; I will help you.” Isaiah 41:13. Keep believing Kristian.

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